Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Consider it the start of the end of your marriage.
I was actually talking about that kind of absolute statement. I understand it is not for you and it is risky, but there are risks involved in getting in a rut, as many on this forum have found out.
If we never took risks the human race would have died out by now.
I would recommend that the OP have a scan through Dan Savage's letters and podcasts on this subject. Funny and informative.
Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.
So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.
We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.
The point is you can't be prescriptive. Absolute statements about what will and won't destroy your marriage are worthless.
No they aren't. Your logic is flawed here.
The facts that's no one can argue is that threesome do in fact deal death blows to many many marriages.
The opposite is not true: No marriages have been dealt a death blow buy not having threesomes.
There is a small subset of the people on the Internet which love to post on how wonderful threesomes, swing, poly are. They put lots of pressure on people to jump in and try it. Posted via Mobile Device
Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.
So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.
We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.
its all fun and games til one of you get bit in the ass.
it may take a while, but the odds are against this staying all peaches and cream.
The facts that's no one can argue is that threesome do in fact deal death blows to many many marriages.
The fact that there are many marriages which survive and thrive while having threesome DOES prove that you can't make an absolute statement about what will and won't destroy a marriage.
No flaw in the logic. You are making an inductive reasoning error, i.e. All the swans I have seen are white, therefore all swans are white.
Doesn't work. Not all marriages are destroyed by threesomes.
Well..new here to this forum and site....but here goes nothing. My wife and I have been married for over 18 years, and we always talked about inviting another man or woman into our bed for the fun of it. Why? Cause we both thought it would be hot to watch and participate.
So after talking about it for a few years, we decided to try it. Well..it was great...I got to not only have my wife, but also her best girlfriend. The wife got a threesome with me and a friend. See..the key here was the fact that we talked it all out first, and we trust each other. If you dont have trust, believe me dont do this.
We set rules...first..you got to trust each other, we always play together, we dont go behind each others backs, and who ever we did it with there could never be strings or feelings. It was all just for the fun of it all. Guess what? Three years later, we still do it, not all the time, but maybe three or four times a year. Hey..its just sex thats all..nothing more and nothing less.
I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.
And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?
I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.
And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?
My 'facts' are people I know and sources such as Dan Savage, who himself is in a non-monogamous relationship that has survived for 14 years. Of course hard data about peoples' sex lives are very hard (hahaha) to come by.
I personally know a couple who have been swinging for 30 years and are very happy.
I am making no absolute statements. I am sure that non-monogamy kills some marriages, but not others. There is nothing absolute about that point of view.
I would be interested to hear what your wife has to say about it, assuming you didn't know what she was saying.
And johnnycomelately, I would like to see the source of your 'fact' that "many marriages survive and thrive" during and after this type of thing. You two are both making absolute statements that it's hard to back up. Even 'fact' sources are often flawed. How can you ever get true statistics on something that involves peoples feelings? Or that someone will give different answers to, depending whether their spouse is present?
typical response from someone thats either not in a relationship, tried anything exciting,or wont admit to being human, or having a fantasy. This IS the wife now...my husband saw your response and I just had to answer. What he said goes for me also, we have no secrets and we love to play together...its all about love and trust....and realizing that what we do is just sex..thats all..but what me and my husband have..well thats love pure and simple.
typical response from someone thats either not in a relationship, tried anything exciting,or wont admit to being human, or having a fantasy. This IS the wife now...my husband saw your response and I just had to answer. What he said goes for me also, we have no secrets and we love to play together...its all about love and trust....and realizing that what we do is just sex..thats all..but what me and my husband have..well thats love pure and simple.
Glad you're happy. Oh, and thanks for the psychoanalysis. Coming from you, I'll be sure to take it with a grain of sea salt. You'll note I said it would be interesting to know what you had to say if your husband didn't know what you were saying ie if you were allowed to be truthful. But maybe you are the exception to the rule here, and you really don't mind your husband sticking his **** into other women. If so, more power to you. And to him.
It will be interesting to see who is in a happy relationship ten years from now.
Now this is ending up in personal insults !! Great maturity guys
You're right, that's very immature. I'll delete what I put if anyone wants me to. Or I can leave it as an example of my hotheadedness Sorry people - bad morning over here, which is no excuse.
So my H and I are curious to have a 3sum with another woman, as much as I want to I don't want him to like it too much and not want me anymore. Has anyone tried it? Bad idea? Posted via Mobile Device
If you are a younger couple I would say wait awhile. When I was newly married, I would have said anything to get my wife to try this. Now that I am older(46, 20 yrs married) and have learned more about my wife and myself, I don't think the benefits outweigh the risks.
Maybe you could make a sexual 'bucket list' and put that towards the bottom!
No one that I know admits to threesomes in their past or present.
There are posts by women on TAM who have had or are considering a threesome. Do a search and read about their experience.
From what I read, the following happens:
* some women like it
* some don't and never want to do it again and their partner accept their decision or badgers them to do it again
* some have latent regret
* some fall in love with the OW or OM and have secret affairs
* some have husbands who fall in love or have secret affairs
* some who lose respect and love for their partner after seeing them with OM/OW
* some get STD's women are more vulnerable than men
You may safely negotiate the downside for many encounters and then your partner meets someone with whom they form an emotional connection or one of you contact herpes or are colonized by a cancer associated HPV.
Condoms don't protect against herpes. All you need is skin to skin contact. If you receive or give oral sex with or without a condom or dam to multiple partner's, the possibility of picking up a strain of virus that is carcinogenic is higher.
It takes 10 - 20 years for oral or cervical cancer to manifest.
What are the true numbers? It is hard to tell because
* people lie about having had the experience when they didn't or
* they lie about enjoying it when they didn't or
* they lie about not having had one when they did
People also vigorously defend or encourage others to have threesomes because they think that increases their chances of having one.
These are things to consider. I suggest that you consider the risks Vs. benefits.
Are the benefits of orgasms with OM/OW worth the possibility of losing everything and/or be colonized by a virus with latent effects that might kill you or your husband?
I was curious once. I was curious to see if I could get away with fixing some shingles on the roof of our three story house. To ensure my safety, I was going to tie a rope round my waist and the other end to the satalite dish so I could save the cost of hiring some roofers. I thought it was a solid plan, but my wife didn't. So, it didn't happen....and I stopped drinking for the night.
People have strong feelings about this one. I would agree there are risks involved, but I don't think it's necessarily doom and gloom as others have suggested. My advice is to first enjoy it as a fantasy, and then proceed with caution. Maybe fantasy play is enough. Try to separate the fun/fantasy from the potentially uncomfortable/risky reality. Someone wrote that the fact you're even thinking about this implies there's something wrong with your marriage -- that's BS in my opinion. Keep thinking and dreaming and communicating but be careful.
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Re: Three sum? 
Sorry people - bad morning over here, which is no excuse.
