My fiance and I have been together a year and just got engaged this past Christmas. We love each other very much and are very good for and to each other. He gives me a lot of affection and is very considerate of me. I just have one issue... he is terrible at revving my engine. I have a huge sexual appetite, in fact, I was the one who would often bring up having sex more often. But he seems to think that he can just say, "Let's have sex" and we jump right into bed, kiss a little, and go straight to it. I've told him, I'm all for it... occassionally... not EVERY TIME. He tells me he doesn't want to have to work for it. I say I can't go through a lifetime having no romance in my sex life. He thinks "Let's have a quickie before I go downstairs to watch TV" is "being spontaneous". I tell him, let's try it in a different place, just grab me and ravage me, or tell me how sexy I am. His response, "You already KNOW that you're sexy" I say "I'd still like to hear it from you to get me going. It's not that difficult, just pick something" His response in turn is, "Well I told you I wanted a quickie, so I was trying to be spontaneous and that should tell you that I'm attracted to you and want sex with just you. I don't know what else you want from me" Then I suggest "How about throwing me on the bed?" He says "You're already sitting on the bed, what am I supposed to do, grab you and throw you back onto the bed?" Valid point yes, but he doesn't get it... it's not about throwing me onto the bed, it's about the excitement of an act 'like' throwing me on the bed... or lunging at me to shove your tongue down my throat... or flipping me over onto my belly to smack my ass. SOMETHING! Half of the time, we gel well together and the sex is great and we have no problems getting each other's engines revved. Other times, we argue about how to go about it, put our clothes back on, and leave the room. I've tried telling him what I like at normal times so that he can use that info later when things do get heated... but it's like he never heard me. I get so tired of the sex being so to the point and boring. I want him to grab me and throw me onto the bed. I want him to pick me up and place me on the kitchen counter. I want him to invade the shower while I'm sudded up. Anything but "Wanna go upstairs?" "Let's have sex" and right to the bed we go waiting for the other to make the next move. How do I get him stop being so sexually lazy without making him feel frustrated or incompetent?
Update on this situation is in a comment I made below... you'll see it... it's the reeeally long essay when you scroll down
So this morning, my fiance woke me up with a kiss, as usual, but then I sighed with relief when he said, "Hunnie, I couldn't sleep because what you said has been on my mind. I've done some soul searching while you were sleeping and I think I've come up with a decent compromise that'll keep us both satisfied. How about whenever we 'just go straight to sex' you and I hold me accountable for next time and you get it however you want it? Does that sound good to you?" I said "Baby, that's perfect. That's all I wanted. Compromise. A meet in the middle." I also added that there will be times when I want to "just f**k" too (they will not be that often but it will happen) so that is a great compromise and I think that this will work. He also added that there will be some times when he will want to be passionate, romantic, and have a big foreplay session. I promised that I'll try being more aggressive and initiate more. He told me to stay in bed and made me breakfast in bed then when we both ate, he gave me soft kisses all over and we had amazing sex and it wasn't just amazing for him, it was amazing for me too! Finally!
Thank you everyone for your input! I'm so relieved, happy, and feeling great about our future. I'm reminded of how great of a team we are together and we both truly feel that we can make this last a lifetime