Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
First of all, sorry for the disappearance. out of all times my computer decided it didnt want to work for a while. Still giving me trouble.
So he doesnt get in until 1 am. I have the candles, neglige, dinner, etc....
I hear him fumble with his things at the door and I go to look through the peephole thinking...Ok...here it goes...Forget everything that's ever hurt or bothered you....here comes the fresh start. Through the peep hole I see him take out his breath spray and spray it, then take out some cologne and use that too. I dont know why, but I just thought it was insanely cute. Like he was as excited as I am.
He walked through the door and I smiled and kissed him hello. I told him welcome back and we missed you. He said he missed us too. I asked him if he wanted to eat and he said later. He told me some things about his trip and I noticed he was very much trying to make an effort to be more talkative and actually COMPLEMENTED me on my make up, hair, looks in general. He then pulled out a pearl and diamond necklace with matching earings and gave them to me as a gift. Ok..I was shocked. I'm so not used to this. Never did I get a gift like that from him before, or even any gift, in a long time. I had no idea what to say. what to do. I was fighting back tears if you want the truth.
Then he pulled out a Donna Karen watch and gave that to me. Again. Shocked, and overwhelmed. This is the man who doesnt even do birthday or holiday gifts.
I told him he didnt have to do it, and that I didnt mean I wanted him to buy me things but just treat me as a wife, he said he did it because he wanted to. I thanked him for it. We talked for a while and then I ended my strike. I ended it three times actually.
The next day he was also very attentive and sweet. We took the kids out to McDonalds to play and then stayed up and talked and watched a movie. The night after that he offered to watch the kids while I go to the mall with my brother (very unlike him) and I took him up on his offer.
Then lastnight he offered to take me out to dinner. I put some make up on, put on a nice black gypsy style top with jeans and put on the jewelry and watch he gave me so he could see me wear it praying the whole time I wouldnt get mugged lol. he took me to a nice buffet style restaurant where we sat and talked and ate for a little over 2 hours.
I myself am also doing my absolute best at trying (and succeeding so far) not to do the things that he revealed to me he didnt like) It was actually very similar to something I think MT posted once...showing how frazzled and frustrated you are at kids and house when he comes from work. He also thought,"looks like it';s going to be a crap day". He said he missed how I used to greet him at the door with a kiss, which I did stop doing, so I'm also doing that among other things.
Well so far so good. He has been getting his sex at least once a day since he's gotten back. I also, with him giving me the special attention, am much more up to doing it and am actually enjoying it now. we have "made up" in the past, but this time something does feel different and I pray to God it lasts on both our sides.
For what its worth to all the women out there, I dont think the strike is what got me these results and I dont reccomend it. I think the strike was merely a much needed wake up call, and the suggested letter writing was what did the trick. Do I think the letter alone would have worked without the strike? I really dont know....but I do believe the strike did have a bit of a benefit as an eye opener. Again though, its not something I would reccomend or do again.
I just want to thank everyone again for all their replies...MT, Swedish, Mich, Brad...Everyone. I know to everyone out there I'm pretty much words on a PC screen, but at the time I posted that first post...I really was a mess. I was even, and ashamed to admit this, starting to have suicidal thoughts.
I'm rewarding all the positive behavior im seeing and making sure he knows its appriciated. When he tells me Im pretty I always make sure I say thank you now. Or even just give him a smile, act very interested in what he's saying, and so much sex that I've never been so happy to start my period. I could barely walk for a while there.
Well I have an early morning and its almost midnight here. So take care everyone and thanks again. Consider me a regular here.
You know, the thing that shocked me the most, was that after he gave me my gifts, I asked him what he got the boys and he had this "Oh crap" look on his face. I thought he was kidding, but he really forgot completely about them. If my husband goes to pick up the drycleaning, he has to come home with some candy or something for the kids. I cant tell you how spoiled they are by this man. But when I thought about it, I would like to believe that the reason he forgot to get them something was that how I expressed the way I was feeling in that letter was all he could focus on. (He did run to the little market next door and get some toys for them)
LOL, I had to write that whole letter by hand, cos my printer didnt want to work! All it was really was how I was feeling about things, some things about my childhood I once told him back when dating but thought hey maybe he forgot, what I have been doing wrong, etc. I think the key to the letter was that I tried my best not to make it sound like I was blaming or faulting him (even though I was like 90%) and said a lot of "we" instead of "you. I think that way made him a lot less defensive.