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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-02-2012, 10:17 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

If his outlet is his hand you might wonder if he uses fantasy or porn to arouse himself. Both can bend the mind over 16 years and they are so much easier than a real emotional connection to a partner that he would not be the first guy to choose "easy".
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:23 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

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Originally Posted by Cre8ify View Post
If his outlet is his hand you might wonder if he uses fantasy or porn to arouse himself. Both can bend the mind over 16 years and they are so much easier than a real emotional connection to a partner that he would not be the first guy to choose "easy".
If he's not gay, not having an affair, and does masturbate, I guess the only reasonable conclusion is that he prefers porn and fantasy to the reality. I did offer to watch with him, but that didn't lead to anything.

Of course fantasy to arouse myself is basically all I've had for the past 16 years, but I digress. It does bend the mind-- the longer I went without the real thing the stranger and more elaborate my fantasies turned.
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:43 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

It is the same for me. I am a visual person and my fantasies usually involve "settings" and atmosphere more than anything else. My wife wants to get right to missionary in the master bedroom as soon as everything is ready to go and I can feel the air going out of the balloon. Unfortunately, my fantasies are way better than my reality. Your point about the fantasies becoming more elaborate is what causes me to have to manage this aspect. When the gap between my fantasies and reality becomes too wide, the bent mind... it ends in a dull thud. I remain unsexed most of the time by choice to manage that gap. Ughh, hard to come face to face with but when lady luck finally shines on me I have to be at my best!
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Old 02-02-2012, 03:56 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

You should know that if he is a porn watcher, his choice has very little to do with the reality that you present. No woman can compete with an endless variety of compliant, beautiful robots doing exactly what is selected in the search box. That probably also becomes more elaborate...
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:05 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

I am also in a sexless marriage to a man who would rather masturbate to porn than have sex. It is an utterly humiliating life and the only reason I have remained as long as I have is because of my three young children. I did notice red flags before we married but attributed them to his hectic work life. I made too many excuses for him and now I filled with so much resentment. I tried the lingerie, initiating, setting up dates, surprising him but when your husband rejects you every time, you begin to give up and lose interest. Of course he blames me but I only initiated daily for five years before giving up. I am in my early 30's and the last time we had sex was in 2009. To anyone in a similar situation you have my sympathies-its a lonely experience to be married to someone who doesn't want you. I just wish I didn't settle before I took the plunge.
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:14 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

Isla, Was wondering if things have gotten better. I read your situation and can totally relate. My wife and I have not had sex in 15 years. She is not interested. I express my issues with this and she says she will try. 6 months go by and we have the same conversation. I can't bring myself to leave which means I am weak or there are good things I choose not give up on. I wish I could understand what is going on in our relationships!!

Hope your world has gotten better!
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Old 01-12-2014, 10:40 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: 16 yrs sexless marriage

I am a man in late 50's and, some 10 years ago, went though a long period of not too interested in sex, due mainly to worry about job security and tight financial matters. It was frustrating for my wife as she wanted more regular sex and felt rejected many times!.

The situation is now reversed! I need to do it at least once a week, but she would only agree to once a month and possibly no more sex in a year's time!

All I can say is that you keep trying and, in the meantime, try to satisfy yourself with a vibrator, if you have one. You may also consider having an affair, if the opportunity arises. Good luck!

Last edited by yolo62; 01-12-2014 at 10:43 AM. Reason: error
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