How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-02-2012, 09:55 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

The reason I posted this here is that it related directly with sex and intimacy.

I love my wife and she has recently been taking better care of herself but I'm a bit impatient. I have been in good shape for the past 15 years but great shape for the past 2 or 3 years and I want her to feel the benefits but I also have my own selfish reasons: you have more energy, you feel less depressed, you can have sex forever and not get tired, you feel everything better (senses seem heightened), you're physically more flexible, another sex bonus, there, you actually feel the desire more often, you sleep better, you smell and taste better, you are more open and courageous, your self-esteem improves, etc, blah, blah, blah.

So, all you sensitive women: how do encourage her to drop another 30 pounds and increase her exercise intensity? or, should I just leave it alone and love her for who she, which I do btw, and hope for the best.
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Old 02-02-2012, 09:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

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Originally Posted by L.M.COYL View Post
The reason I posted this here is that it related directly with sex and intimacy.

I love my wife and she has recently been taking better care of herself but I'm a bit impatient. I have been in good shape for the past 15 years but great shape for the past 2 or 3 years and I want her to feel the benefits but I also have my own selfish reasons: you have more energy, you feel less depressed, you can have sex forever and not get tired, you feel everything better (senses seem heightened), you're physically more flexible, another sex bonus, there, you actually feel the desire more often, you sleep better, you smell and taste better, you are more open and courageous, your self-esteem improves, etc, blah, blah, blah.

So, all you sensitive women: how do encourage her to drop another 30 pounds and increase her exercise intensity? or, should I just leave it alone and love her for who she, which I do btw, and hope for the best.
If she's being consistent about it, leave it alone. If she feels you're not appreciating that she is getting healthy, and hopefully at a healthy pace, she might backslide or stop all together. Is 30lbs realistic for her body type? Or would she be underweight/unhealthy?
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

From a distance... Whatever you do, don't do it when she's got a knee between your legs, or is holding a knife.

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Old 02-02-2012, 10:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

I think 20 pounds and being very fit would be perfect! Well, she's already pefect . . . but more perfect.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

If she's trying then let it go. Losing weight is a process and not a quick one at that. I'm skinny now but it took me 6 months to lose 25 pounds to get here. My husband admits now that he's thrilled with how I look but before he never said a word.

Smart man.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

Is she happy with the progress she is making? I wouldn't be too impatient with losing weight/getting into shape. You don't want her to get sick, or injure herself stepping it up. It will probably take a few months for those 20lbs to come off safely. Just be patient.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

Lead by example. We are still young and my wife is in good shape but I do want to make sure she makes exercise always a part of her life. If your wife is motivated she'll likely feel pressured just by the fact you exercise and try to herself. That's how my wife is but maybe we're just more competitive with each other. Vocally pressuing her about it is a recipe for disaster, though. In my experience women do not respond well at all to this. Also, I don't know what you do for exercise but try to include her in what you're doing (without pushing her too hard to keep up with you). There's times I go running with my wife when I'd rather be doing some other form of exercise.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

It's not just exercise. More importantly you have to cut and count calories. What is she eating?

She can exercise like a crazy woman but if she's consuming 4000 calories a day it won't make a difference, unless she's training for Olympic swimming.

I lost about 50lbs in 6 months a few years back. The extra weight was really affecting my self image, my sex life..everything. Losing the weight took 20 years off me in both body and mind. Plus my back problems went away and I have greater stamina and I got to go out and buy a spiffy new wardrobe!

It was my husband who (very gently) recommended that I go on a diet because it would help me, not because HE wanted it. You definitely should go with that approach...that she should do it for herself, to make herself feel better.

I don't know how tall or big your wife is but I went on a 1000-1200/day calorie diet and work out 5 days/week in my home. I just work out on my elliptical and do some exercises. Makes a HUGE difference. It probably helps that I work on my feet all day and my hobbies are active ones (hiking, kayaking, skiing, etc).

But I DO love food and drinking and that's NOT good. Once you get it off maintaining it is hard. You have to have a diet you can live with once you get the weight off.

I wouldn't just "let it go". It will affect your relationship if you aren't attracted to her and as she gets older that 30lbs will go to 50. Almost all my middle aged friends who were thin in their 20s are now heavy and they act and dress like old ladies. I was almost one of them. It's not easy to take the weight off but it's worth it.
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Old 02-02-2012, 10:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

Probably the easiest thing to do (what my wife has done with me) is ask me to join her in her simply for the shared experience. If you love running, for example, try to translate that excitement to her. I wouldn't focus on the goal of 20-30 lbs, but the time spent together.
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

Support and guidance, love her as she is. I lost 55lbs in the last 12 months..and hubby has loved me through it all. 3 births and putting my needs last every single day for 38 years took its toll...but not once did H turn away from me. He knew my love for him and the kids was always there.

I finally put myself first...but never felt pressured.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

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Probably the easiest thing to do (what my wife has done with me) is ask me to join her in her simply for the shared experience. If you love running, for example, try to translate that excitement to her. I wouldn't focus on the goal of 20-30 lbs, but the time spent together.
This is exactly what I would say. We haven't made this a priority yet.. we have a baby and it takes up sooo much time and energy.. but when the time comes this is how i want to do it. Getting in shape together. especially since she does most of the cooking, she is kind of holding more cards than me.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

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she does most of the cooking, she is kind of holding more cards than me.
This is what my husband says to me. He needs to lose 20-30 pounds himself and I do all the cooking. However I'm not making him overeat.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

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Originally Posted by Freak On a Leash View Post
It's not just exercise. More importantly you have to cut and count calories. What is she eating?

She can exercise like a crazy woman but if she's consuming 4000 calories a day it won't make a difference, unless she's training for Olympic swimming.

I lost about 50lbs in 6 months a few years back. The extra weight was really affecting my self image, my sex life..everything. Losing the weight took 20 years off me in both body and mind. Plus my back problems went away and I have greater stamina and I got to go out and buy a spiffy new wardrobe!

It was my husband who (very gently) recommended that I go on a diet because it would help me, not because HE wanted it. You definitely should go with that approach...that she should do it for herself, to make herself feel better.

I don't know how tall or big your wife is but I went on a 1000-1200/day calorie diet and work out 5 days/week in my home. I just work out on my elliptical and do some exercises. Makes a HUGE difference. It probably helps that I work on my feet all day and my hobbies are active ones (hiking, kayaking, skiing, etc).

But I DO love food and drinking and that's NOT good. Once you get it off maintaining it is hard. You have to have a diet you can live with once you get the weight off.

I wouldn't just "let it go". It will affect your relationship if you aren't attracted to her and as she gets older that 30lbs will go to 50. Almost all my middle aged friends who were thin in their 20s are now heavy and they act and dress like old ladies. I was almost one of them. It's not easy to take the weight off but it's worth it.
Wow, what a great post!

Thanks. I've dropped about 40 stubborn pounds by increasing my exercise, stopping all junk foods, eating fruits, very little alcohol and nutrician, i also avoid any stress i can.
I only do exercises i can replicate without going to the gym or relying on any machines!!!! Exercise for 40min hr every second day;

I feel great! At least 10-15 years younger. I wear clothes that fit like a glove and apparently get noticed. The idea is to have my wife feel/look as great as she can. And for . . . other. . . reasons.
I also feel bad for people who rely on food as their only source of joy . . . sorta sad, actually. And you just feel angry/sick, dress poorly and look so terrible.

You're damn right it's worth it. Life's worth it.

And to the guys: besides buying her new shoes (oh, yeah!), learn to cook nutritious, low cal but TASTY foods for family. I think this can be very helpful because you are also modelling values and giving her a break

Last edited by L.M.COYL; 02-02-2012 at 02:47 PM.
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Old 02-02-2012, 04:07 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

I worked in the fitness industry for 10 years and saw many women losing weight 'for their husband'. Which is all well and good but a person needs to losing the weight for THEMSELVES.... there's needs to be a fair bit of self love there... hopefully she has this??

You say she is losing weight and getting fitter..so just keep encouraging her and supporting her.

It's much harder for women to loose weight. Our bodies and it's girly hormones are far more interested in storing fat than giving it up
and we have smaller less muscular bodies and thus burn fewer calories doing the same task as a man.. how unfair is that!

Other than watching what is eaten (losing weight is said to be 80% diet and 20% exercise) one suggestion is to try and bring in more 'functional' exercise.
Any day she not working out encourage her (by maybe doing it with her) to walk to the shops or mow the lawn or wash the car.

We also do physical activites on our 'dates' when the weather permits...mini putt or 10 pin bowling or kayaking/fishing or bush or beach walking instead of going out to dinner or the movies.... where we normally eat more calories than we burn.

Just some thoughts..but be her #1 support team and she'll most likey respond well.
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Old 02-02-2012, 04:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you ask your wife to drop 30 pounds?

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From a distance... Whatever you do, don't do it when she's got a knee between your legs, or is holding a knife.

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