Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
What makes it sexually exciting to someone, to be pee or pooed on or why does the sight of 10 inch heals make someone else horny? BDSM...where does that start? Sex with animals?
I'm thinking that maybe they start in childhood but I can't get my head around how something probably non sex related ends up being a sexual turn on in later years.
She`s a counselor who has written many books on sexuality using her patients stories.
This one in particular gets a bit extreme but it`s very interesting.
Most of the BDSM, scat stories told by her patients lead back to things in there childhood and usually their mothers.
She has another book just like this one about womens fantasies.
I have a slight pantyhose fetish (Not on me I like them on women) and it`s not really sexual I just like the way they feel.
I remember when I was little laying in my moms lap stroking her hose covered shin on the couch until I fell asleep.
I`m pretty sure that`s where I got it from.
Fear, excitement, curiosity, pleasure are powerful emotions that are felt in the body. The body remembers the charge physiologically and for some of us those moments become eroticized on a subconscious level. Even scary childhood moments. We protected ourselves by sexualizing the powerful feelings. Generally the feelings lay dormant until we become sexually active. Then out of nowhere, we connect our original moment of excitement and experience to a powerful erotic charge. This feeling is so strong that our sexuality is linked to that early sexual/excitement/fear moment.
These powerful emotions linked to the fetish are stored in the subconscious mind. They are connected to a part of our brain that produces sexual stimulation. When puberty strikes these thoughts and feelings may re-emerge. Before we realize what's happening we are associating our childhood fear/excitement to adult sexual feelings.
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Re: Where do fetishes start?
Interesting reading heartsbeating, but I'm having a little trouble buying it as just that, mainly because I'm doing a little bit of introspection here ...
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
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Re: Where do fetishes start?
Okay, I haven't hidden anything else on this site, so let me not leave that last message where it is.
I looked for a definition of "fetish" that would include one or two things I like. But when I start looking at what different people define as a "fetish," then I might have more than one or two.
First: The OP mentioned pee sex. Of course, this can take many forms. I don't think that every time we have sex that I need to be peed on, but pee is actually something that I don't find gross in ONE scenario and that is from my wife, and straight from the source. I'm not at all afraid even for it to be in my mouth and in fact, have tasted her.
Where do I think this came from: Nothing in my childhood. When I began to experience sex with wife, Oral sex was something I began to really love. My nose is apparently very sensitive. When I talk about the "Bouquet of aromas" from a woman during oral sex, the faint smell of urine is always there regardless of how clean she is - I mean straight from the shower, there is still the slightest hint of the smell of urine. It just became a part of the whole, and since it was, it became arousing just like the other aromas. We don't always shower just before sex, so obviously there are sometimes that with that smell, I may get a bit of a taste, and it heightened the excitement. At some point, as we became more adventurous, pee was sometimes used in sex. It became a way to bring the erotic smells even closer and interact with them in a heightened and arousing way.
I would not call it common - it's an every so often thing, so since I'm not obsessed by it, maybe it doesn't fit the definition of fetishes that I'm reading online, but some people define such things as pee-sex as fetish, so in that sense, I have one.
I don't want to be pooped on.
Analingus is another one that gets defined like pee-sex as a fetish act. This would be EXTREMELY gross to me with anyone but my wife. However; there are times I've written about elsewhere that I engage in sometimes. I have no desire whatsoever for my wife to perform this on me, and it would actually be a huge turn-off if she did.
This developed, as best I can remember, from 69. From that position, there is always at least a hint of smell from the anus. My wife is very clean, so it was never a nasty scent, but in this position, my nose was either less than an inch from her anus, or sometimes actually touching it. I send you back to the sensitiveness of my sense of smell. As we did this, I began to build an association of this smell with the excitement of 69. With this, there was an additional forbiddenness of it that raised the excitement even more. I don't remember when I first did this, but at some point, is just seemed natural to move my tongue farther back and begin to include her anus in 69. Now, she actually loves this.
Again, this is not an obsession with either of us, so maybe it doesn't fit the same definition of fetish, but other people define this as fetish sex. It developed strictly with my wife during times when we were in a certain position and full of passion.
So just from introspection, it looks like it depends on the definition of fetish before we can really say where it comes from.
So just from introspection, it looks like it depends on the definition of fetish before we can really say where it comes from.
True - it's been my understanding that a fetish is something that you "need" to have to be aroused or to be part of the sexual act. I have said I have "fetishes" but really I'd consider them more as preferences.
So what I gathered from your post is that sense of smell, aromas, and experiencing what caused the aroma you detected could almost be your fetish perhaps more so than the act itself? An olfactory fetish perhaps? but then again, whadda I know?
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,872
Re: Where do fetishes start?
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbeating
True - it's been my understanding that a fetish is something that you "need" to have to be aroused or to be part of the sexual act. I have said I have "fetishes" but really I'd consider them more as preferences.
So what I gathered from your post is that sense of smell, aromas, and experiencing what caused the aroma you detected could almost be your fetish perhaps more so than the act itself? An olfactory fetish perhaps? but then again, whadda I know?
Interesting angle ... I have to admit, you make me think.
And my extremely limited knowledge on the subject would make me wonder what sense of smell might have meant in your childhood. Of course I really don't know anything lol, so I could be completely off track. I guess the idea is that certain heightened emotions as a child that we don't really know how to process at that age, becomes part of our sexual subconscious and then emerges later. Like I said though, I really don't know anything about the subject. It does interest me though.
Thinking on this and childhood, this example doesn't relate to being a fetish for me and it's a pure moment from a child's perspective, but it does translate into my adult life as something I find intriguing or arousing. Apparently these things stem from intimate moments or even hearing about certain things at a young age. It doesn't mean intimate in a bad way either, tacoma had a good example of this.
I remember watching my grandad shave. My grandparents occasionally stayed over in our family home. I remember my grandad, wearing his trousers with suspenders and white singlet/vest that he wore beneath his buttoned shirt, shaving with the bathroom door open. He chatted to me while I watched him shave. I was fascinated by the brushes he used for the shaving cream, watching him shave, hearing the sound of the razor against his skin, the sound of the water and razor tapping against the side of the sink. I had a lot of admiration for him. When my husband shaves, when I hear that swirling of the water and razor tapping, it stirs a feeling in me of his masculinity. A man shaving could be considered an intimate moment, as a child I knew it was something personal and as I admired my grandad, it felt special to have him chat to me while he shaved. This perhaps translated to my adult life when I see or hear my husband shave. It arouses me in a strange way because it represents his masculinity and because he's a man I admire. While shaving itself and watching my husband shave is not a fetish for me, I mention this to demonstrate how this simple act of chatting to my grandad while he shaved, transitioned from my childhood into adulthood as something I find, in a sense, alluring.
To me, 'fetish' or 'to fetishise' is something from economics, and even then when I studied it I knew they were lying to us half the time. The psychology of the invented word makes a great deal of money in research grants, books and therapist fees. What if it just ain't?
As I love just about everything about women (except when she's mean), I simply don't share the terminology or the concept. It's just part of my sexual dynamic. One day I might specialise in feet, another day hands, eyebrows... for example I LOVE natural smells, tastes, body hair on a woman as she grows it softly... yet most women are raised and conditioned to believe that their bodies are dirty and inadequate. They spend collectively billions on deodorant, chemicals, constant showers, fashions. Shave the pits & legs, look like everybody else in the office... the adoring man gets little out of this but razor stubble.
Is loving the real woman a fetish? My wife claims it is and says my 'fetish' disgusts her. After she 'gets off' she immediately runs to the shower and scrubs, and scrubs.
It is rare that women are proud of the way they simply ARE. (I've met women as I described but they were lesbians... drat...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl
Where do they come from?
What makes it sexually exciting to someone, to be pee or pooed on or why does the sight of 10 inch heals make someone else horny? BDSM...where does that start? Sex with animals?
I'm thinking that maybe they start in childhood but I can't get my head around how something probably non sex related ends up being a sexual turn on in later years.
When my husband shaves, when I hear that swirling of the water and razor tapping, it stirs a feeling in me of his masculinity. A man shaving could be considered an intimate moment,
It arouses me in a strange way because it represents his masculinity and because he's a man I admire. While shaving itself and watching my husband shave is not a fetish for me,.....................something I find, in a sense, alluring.
I am the EXACT same way about shaving. Something about a man shaving is totally sexy and a turn on. I wonder if they feel that way about us? LOL
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,872
Re: Where do fetishes start?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zhopa
I'd rather you ladies not shaved at all.
But there are other things that we associate with femininity. And it's not anything like what the articles, books and tv say...
I agree 100% which is a big part of why I like this site. Here, people are actually talking openly so you get to hear/read them in their own words instead of hearing/reading what will sell a magazine. And studies are nice for objective data, but hearing it in a person's own words opens up a new dimension of understanding.
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Where do fetishes start? 
