Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
First time post here so I appologize if I don't know all the lingo quite yet. I found this messege board after googling a question about sex in marriage, and after reading multiple threads it really seemed like a mature environment that I could turn to for opinions on my sex life from both males and females.
A little backstory: I am 27 years old, my wife is 25 years old. We just had our first child 6 months ago. Pre-pregnancy we had sex 3-4 times a week and lately it has been once every two weeks to once a week. We have been married for three and a half years and dated for roughly 2 years prior to getting married.
The current issue I'm having anxiety over is the fact that my wife has tried anal sex in her last relationship but refuses to try it with me. I have never tried it. I read multiple topics over anal sex today on these forums and it brought the whole issue back into focus. I asked her about trying it a couple of years ago and she said she didn't want to try it. I didn't really care, but after I found out she has tried it before I find myself extremely jealous and almost feel like she loves him more, or cheated on because she was willing to try anal sex with someone else but not me. I'm not typically a jealous person. I don't care that she has male friends, and I trust that she would never cheat on me.
This one issue is making me sick to my stomach. I knew very well that both of us had our previous relationships and sexual encounters before meeting and I'm fine with that. I just can't bare to think that she was willing to try something with someone else that she will not do with me. Any advice on either:
A- getting her to try it
B- dealing with the fact that she was willing to with someone else
The only reason she has given me so far was that it hurt when she tried it previously.
She probably didn't like it so doesn't want to try it again. Also, if she gave birth vaginally, her pelvic floor could be kind of beat up which would make it even worse than before. You should try to let it go.
The only reason she has given me so far was that it hurt when she tried it previously.
So you think that the fact that it hurt her is not a good enough reason for her to not want to do it again? Really?
You want to try to talk her into doing something that she says hurts her enough that she does not want to do it again?
Do you even really care for this woman? Seems that if you did you would not be trying to do something to do that hurts you... all to fill your own curiosity.
I agree obviously she didn't like it or didn't feel comfortable with it. She had a baby 6 months ago that is monopolizing all her time and when that baby sleeps no doubt she wants to also. Have you ever thought that she senses your frustration with the anal sex topic that she feels regular sex isn't good enough for you.
So you think that the fact that it hurt her is not a good enough reason for her to not want to do it again? Really?
You want to try to talk her into doing something that she says hurts her enough that she does not want to do it again?
Do you even really care for this woman? Seems that if you did you would not be trying to do something to do that hurts you... all to fill your own curiosity.
I agree obviously she didn't like it or didn't feel comfortable with it. She had a baby 6 months ago that is monopolizing all her time and when that baby sleeps no doubt she wants to also. Have you ever thought that she senses your frustration with the anal sex topic that she feels regular sex isn't good enough for you.
Today was the first time I have brought the issue up in years. Her current low sex drive has nothing to do with this issue. Like I've said we had a baby 6 months ago and her priorities are elsewhere. I have no problems with it. Of course I care about my wife. However I feel that she could at least make an attempt before writing it off all together. I was talking to a coworker that said she hated anal sex with her first husband, however tried it with her current boyfriend and loved it. She said although the men were of similar size that it didn't hurt with her current boyfriend because of his gentleness. Posted via Mobile Device
What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.
I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him
What? She told him the problem. It's a serious issue.. it hurts. And he burshes it off as though it's nothing.
I have the same issue she does. I've tried it. Actually liked it until I ended up with a fissure that has not healed in 40 years... even with medical care. Some people can tolerate anal sex, others cannot. His pushing her to do something that she says hurts her is a bad sign about him
Your not wrong. I loathe people that try to force others into their will. It may very well be that I am just going to have to live with this resentment the rest of my life. I just know that anything she has asked of me sexually, I've at least come to a middle ground on. I've never denied her any of her sexual fantasies outright. Couple that with the jealousy and that's just the mood I'm in at the moment. If we started and she said it hurt before it happened I wouldn't mention anal again. Posted via Mobile Device
Your not wrong. I loathe people that try to force others into their will. It may very well be that I am just going to have to live with this resentment the rest of my life. I just know that anything she has asked of me sexually, I've at least come to a middle ground on. I've never denied her any of her sexual fantasies outright. Couple that with the jealousy and that's just the mood I'm in at the moment. If we started and she said it hurt before it happened I wouldn't mention anal again. Posted via Mobile Device
You are going to have to trust her on this. She knows what she felt and how painful it was. If you hold this against her you are not being fair with her at all.
From your wife's side, she's tried it and it hurt. So why try it again? If you let a prior girlfriend bash you in the nuts with a ball peen hammer, once is probably your limit. If your wife then said she was jealous and she really wants a go with the hammer, you would probably decline. It wouldn't mean you don't love your wife.
From your side, you're territorial and another man has been somewhere you haven't. You're instinctually jealous and hurt. I get it.
So, you can either let it go for fear of physically hurting your wife, or you can tell her that it's just driving you nuts, and why. Go online and print out ten pages of clinical how-to for doing it right. Buy her some desensitizing cream to ease her potential discomfort. See what she says.
From your wife's side, she's tried it and it hurt. So why try it again? If you let a prior girlfriend bash you in the nuts with a ball peen hammer, once is probably your limit. If your wife then said she was jealous and she really wants a go with the hammer, you would probably decline. It wouldn't mean you don't love your wife.
From your side, you're territorial and another man has been somewhere you haven't. You're instinctually jealous and hurt. I get it.
So, you can either let it go for fear of physically hurting your wife, or you can tell her that it's just driving you nuts, and why. Go online and print out ten pages of clinical how-to for doing it right. Buy her some desensitizing cream to ease her potential discomfort. See what she says.
Thank you! Your post helped bring things into perspective for me. I don't know how I'm going to proceed but this helped me think. Posted via Mobile Device
Ok, time for some bluntness here. You say you have compromised on things she wanted to do, did any of those things hurt you or make you uncomfortable?? You didn't give in fully to what she wanted to do?? Then why should she?
Have you considered that maybe her previous experience with anal was a spur the moment thing, not something she planned on and really wanted to do? Have you ever considered that maybe she thought differently of the guy after the anal and she doesn't want to feel that way towards you??
Anal hurts. PERIOD. It can go wrong very easily, would you want to hurt your wife like that? Is your own personal gratification more important than your wife's well being??
Have you ever thought about the physical harm it can cause? Anal fissures, loss of anal tone, etc.
Lastly ask yourself this, if your wife came up to you and said I want to stick a vibrator up your butt, would you be ok with it?? Or would your cheeks clench a bit? And then what if she just kept hanging on to it and resented you for it.
You need a reality check on this one, your wife is saying she doesn't want to do it, don't force her or keep pushing the issue, otherwise she'll resent you for being such an insensitive ass.
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Wifes previous anal sex and my jealousy 
