Originally Posted by UCanTalk
If a man is getting all the sex he needs (and wants) in his primary relationship, is that enough to stop him straying? Or does even sex become routine and boring after a while and his eye will still wander?
I am always bringing hormonal levels into these discussions, you will simply have to forgive me, I have read too much about it...statistically the HIGHER testosterone man will have more affairs & one night stands, it is a known fact... it is just more of a temptation for them, the magnet to steel intensity is HIGHER...
A man's beliefs
& self controlled Integrity
will show in how he deals with these things -if he goes over the edge (and hides or comes clean) , or STOPS it in it's tracks.... many NEED to be able to look themselves in the mirror every day .
The Higher test men are more antsy, they often can indulge in the physical without any care for the emotional -which puts them again... higher at risk .....their need for sex is very very high, they also get bored easier, and crave more variety. It is a part of Testosterone's curse.
Even as a woman, I encountered those feelings for 8 months straight, for the 1st time in my life , I felt , had my husband NOT been there for me, I really think if I was in a tempting situation, I could have FELL. Now coming from me, the type of marraige I have, this is HUGE, it was a very scary thought....I NEVER in all of my 40 yrs 'felt' that way before - and it was all HORMONAL, it affected my brain. Thankfully, he was there for me in every way!
Now my husband is a Lower test men, he is the "born to be faithful type" ... he also NEEDS the emotional connection in sex -even if he was suffering a sexual drought for yrs.. sure that would be hell on him, but HE would be able to withstand it (so he tells me )... A higher test male ....he is more aggressive, he'd go LITERALLY Crazy under those circumstances, cause fights, ANGER unleashed, he would have to divorce, or a chance he would fall into something he shouldn't have. (I am more like this over my husband)
Other issues like:
1. What "quality" of sex is happening at home... if the wife is only indulging in Pity sex
, he is going to feel that, and hate it eventually...start fantasizing about another & how it might be.
2. If the marraige is near sexless, I pity the man, he should divorce her, why live your life in frustration & pain.
3. Has some hard core porn
warped his sense of enjoyment & he is continually seeking new novelty...his fantasies may want to take on reality.
4. Physical attraction
can also play a role for many men..
5. Any unresolved resentment
creeped into the marraige. If it is near sexless or pity sex, I am sure the resentment is raging.
Speaking of the Emotional Connection
..... Is he the type that craves the emotional connection along with sex....If so and he is getting this at home with his wife , even if not as much as he wants - then sex won't get boring, he will just want more of it... but if the emotional connection is NOT there,lacking terribly... he may be tempted to seek it out somewhere else....
Talk about these things openly with your wife....and please each other.... and attitude & enthusiam can never be underestimated in these things .... learn what each partner needs & desires, don't make any excuses, if you don't understand your partners higher drive, you better get clued in, cause those feelings just don't go away. I always find it Heartbreaking to hear a man come to this site and literally ask if he should be castrated or to find a pill to lower his sex drive, I would like to clobber those wives.
Get this book.... It has questions & worksheets to do together - helps see if you can reconcile ....& remain happy within a marraige - if the libidos are too far off. Amazon.com: When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life (9781569242711): Sandra Pertot: Books
It has chapters on the 10 Libido types listed.....