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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-10-2012, 02:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I've heard that being pregnant can change the way you taste and smell... Last night my husband seemed to confirm this nicely - I felt gross and unattractive as he jumped up after just seconds of going down. :/ I'm 7 weeks away from my due date currently (yikes!) And despite what I have read about discharge and odor increasing during the last trimester, I haven't noticed any changes! In fact, when I kissed him afterwards, I didn't smell or taste anything different or unusual in his mouth... Any thoughts from the men here?
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Old 02-10-2012, 02:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Maybe he just felt weird about it due to your due date looming. Some guys feel like they're having sex with someone else in the room. Did you ask him about it?
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral Sex and Pregnancy...

when my wife was expecting I recall her being much more wet and the physical appearence was engorged somewhat.

But it didn't deter me it was kinda nice.

taste was the same. now she was on antibiotics and that definatly changed her taste very bitter but again being the p*ssy eating champion that I am it didn't deter me.
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I dont remember anything weird from the last parts of the two pregnancies I went through with my STBXW. Sorry.

C
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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He would be way too afraid of my reaction if he just came right out and said I tasted funny - and I know that and bridged the communication gap by letting him know that I know I may be "different" down there... Essentially he went along with this, not choosing to add or elaborate on anything.

I really just want to know how much of a difference was noticed by other men in their pregnant partners.

I'm fairly certain that the presence of our daughter in utero was not what caused his reaction - but then again he stinks at communication and I often am left to "figure" out his wants/needs/intentions, etc.
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hmm, maybe he was just being selfish - it has crossed my mind that he simply wanted to "wet me" so he can get in, get off. He initiated it, it's not like I requested it... He's not usually like that, but I won't say it hasn't happened in the past. He is sober again and not lasting as long as he used to, so additional activities would have been appreciated lol I never liked receiving oral before him, and after all his gentle work in getting me comfortable with it, well, now I feel kind of stiffed. :/
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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He would be way too afraid of my reaction if he just came right out and said . . .
Quote:
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. . . then again he stinks at communication and I often am left to "figure" out his wants/needs/intentions, etc.
Maybe there's a connection there.
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Old 02-10-2012, 03:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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He's always been that way. I think he has paranoia at times due to his addiction and drug use, (and the way he was raised - but none are excuses), because I am capable of discussing things frankly with him - he is inhibited about a lot. So, not to sound defensive, but if you're implying he learned to inhibit himself because of my reactions, it just isn't so. I know that he creates negative scenarios in his mind to the point of believing them to be truth! Many times he has "predicted" the outcomes of discussions, only to realize it was his own negative, self-fulfilling prophecy. :/

I have worked long and hard to get him to be unafraid, honest and uninhibited about discussing delicate things. I AM a sensitive person, and I AM capable of a calm discussion - if only he'd allow it. I guess I am passive, too, in that I didn't pursue further information from him. Yes, because that would make him "feel bad" and "inadequate" when all I wanted was a safe, simple exchange of information. :sigh:

Sometimes he just needs to say what's on his mind so we don't have to play this guessing game...
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YinPrincess View Post
I've heard that being pregnant can change the way you taste and smell... Last night my husband seemed to confirm this nicely - I felt gross and unattractive as he jumped up after just seconds of going down. :/ I'm 7 weeks away from my due date currently (yikes!) And despite what I have read about discharge and odor increasing during the last trimester, I haven't noticed any changes! In fact, when I kissed him afterwards, I didn't smell or taste anything different or unusual in his mouth... Any thoughts from the men here?
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It's been 23 years since my wife has been pregnant, but I've always been a huge fan of giving her oral. So from what I can remember:

I don't remember her changing taste or smell at all. She was very amorous during her last pregnancy, so I had plenty of chances to give her oral. I do seem to remember her producing a lot more lube ... I loved that, though.

It seems like there was something that gave me some hangup at the end, but it wasn't her taste or smell. In the classes we went through, they spent quite a bit of time telling us how sex toward the end can bring on labor. They also told us that sometimes, when labor was not beginning the way they wanted, they may send a couple home to have sex as this sometimes can induce labor in a woman who is ready to give birth. Then came the educational warning that made me a bit hesitant: They cautioned us about oral sex very late in pregnancy because it's probably not the best place to be when her water breaks.

So I was cautious at the very end. I still couldn't resist it all together, but I reduced the amount of time I spent giving her oral at the very end of her pregnancy.

This is all a 23 year old memory to me at this point, and I'm recalling the best I can. Has your husband been to education like we received? or has it entered his mind that he might be there when your water breaks? Might be a bit of a hangup, even though you have 7 weeks to go ... especially if you're unsure.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Unfortunately, he hasn't taken any interest in learning about the pregnancy, labor or parenthood for that matter. Just appears he was being selfish, I guess. :/
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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He's always been that way. I think he has paranoia at times due to his addiction and drug use, (and the way he was raised - but none are excuses), because I am capable of discussing things frankly with him - he is inhibited about a lot. So, not to sound defensive, but if you're implying he learned to inhibit himself because of my reactions, it just isn't so. I know that he creates negative scenarios in his mind to the point of believing them to be truth! Many times he has "predicted" the outcomes of discussions, only to realize it was his own negative, self-fulfilling prophecy. :/

I have worked long and hard to get him to be unafraid, honest and uninhibited about discussing delicate things. I AM a sensitive person, and I AM capable of a calm discussion - if only he'd allow it. I guess I am passive, too, in that I didn't pursue further information from him. Yes, because that would make him "feel bad" and "inadequate" when all I wanted was a safe, simple exchange of information. :sigh:

Sometimes he just needs to say what's on his mind so we don't have to play this guessing game...
Ah, okay. I saw the connection and wrongly assumed that there was a causal effect. Sorry 'bout that.

It sounds like you guys have a lot of work together. I wish you all the best and hope that you quickly move from strength to strength.

Does your husband have positive male role-models or friends in his life?
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Old 02-10-2012, 11:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
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It's okay - I know how it looks. He grew up in less than perfect circumstances, and as a result is painfully afraid of confrontation - quite timid and "delicate". As a result, he is difficult, at best, to communicate with. He is chronically on the defensive.

As far as positive male role models - not really. He has a good friend that lives out-of-state, and they talk regularly, and I love and support their friendship. I'm glad he has someone to talk to and feels safe with, especially when he feels he might not get the same perspective or advice from me, (about me? LoL) I have to admit, though, I am sometimes secretly jealous of their friendship because he's unable to be as open with me. He really doesn't have anyone else... His step-dad maybe? They get along, but he also lives out of state. He really doesn't have a lot as far as friends go... :/
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Old 02-11-2012, 12:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral Sex and Pregnancy...

Yeah, I get the picture. And don't worry too much about him confiding more to his best friend sometimes. Men need other guys to talk to about certain things. It's also a small, but damaging, step from wifely confidant to live-in therapist. Plus, it's easier to open up to someone you are not face-to-face with. I have one friend in particular who only opens up when we are apart.

I know we've somewhat veered from the OT, but positive role-models will be of enormous benefit to your husband. Maybe a church mens' group or something? Actually hanging out with people who are positive influences is one of the most powerfully effective ways for someone to change for the better.
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Old 02-17-2012, 01:38 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Update: Still no lovin' oral or otherwise. Getting very frustrated with his increasing distance and lack of affection. Thinking maybe he's just not attracted to me because I'm "showing" and it's turning him off? He denies this when I bring it up, yet never cares to talk to me openly about what is going on in his mind.

I've tried to keep my appearance up, dressing better, wearing make-up, getting my hair and nails done, etc. I've tried flirting, hinting, etc. No luck. It's been six days but it feels like six weeks. I'm so depressed and feeling unwanted and unattractive. I can't do a damn thing about my belly (which everyone tells me I'm still quite small for being 34 weeks and haven't gained more weight than normal - in fact I had lost weight at my last check-up).

In the meantime, there have been at least two incidents in which he commented about other women in front of me, and it deeply hurt my feelings. I know he's a guy, but it hurts he doesn't compliment or hold me in the same regard as the waitress in a restaurant. Our Valentine's Day was a complete disaster. He didn't even bother to get me a card, and sat in the den downstairs for two hours messing around on his phone while I cried upstairs. Yesterday was his birthday and I set aside my resentment to have a good time and not spoil it for him, even though I was and am crushed by his insensitivity. I smiled, I laughed, I complimented. I was cheerful and upbeat, and still nothing.

I don't understand this at all. When we do make love it's not a chore (for me at least). I'm enthusiastic, giving, open-minded and I enjoy myself and his attention as much as possible - something he has said HE enjoys about me... So why the long bouts between encounters? And why the heck can't he just talk to me. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. What in the world can I do at this point but to fester with resentment... Especially knowing that he masturbates more than we make love.

So depressed and feeling hopeless. Any suggestions? Or possible explanations - since he won't open up to me. Back at the guessing games. Ugh. :/
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Oral Sex and Pregnancy...

I can imagine this is very frustrating for you. It is something he is going to have to learn if he is to continue with you.

I think sometimes men get into a mode of thinking to themselves, and it is an interruption, and an extra effort to try to stop and talk about it. I do this sometimes. I'd like to say that I've learned when to open up to my wife about it, but that's not entirely true. I'm much better than I used to be, and I recognize that it is a real need for me to stop and talk to her sometimes, but there are still times when I find myself thinking, and talking about what I'm thinking about is difficult either because I'm thinking faster than I can talk, or else, it's just too much effort to talk ... that last one is actually true sometimes - sometimes I think, and just don't want to spend the effort to talk.

I would think just out of courtesy he should not talk up a waitress in front of you, especially if he recognizes that you are sensitive about your appearance right now. I know when my wife was pregnant, she was as attractive in my eyes as she ever was - I recognized what was under construction there and I thought it was a beautiful thing. However; every guy is different. I'd ask if you told him that it hurt your feelings when he said that, and expressed your need to be built up and have his involvement. Certainly, I don't think going upstairs and crying while he sits downstairs unaware would be helpful. He is going to have to know what is going on in your mind and heart so he can respond. He may not know how to respond, so you may have to help him understand how to respond in order to get him started in the right direction.

I'm not making light of what you're saying, but your latest post really reminded me of something humorous I saw a while back. I'll post it here, but I'm absolutely not making light of your feelings. I post it because I've found it to parallel what's happened with my wife and me a few times, and it is rather funny if you think about it. I've had to learn to open up better, and she's had to learn that sometimes, I just don't do that well at opening up while my mind is busy.

One thing that really helps me to talk is if I walk. For whatever reason, when I'm sitting, my mind tends to be so busy that I can't really talk. In these times, if my wife takes me out for a walk, I find it much easier to listen to her, and much easier to talk to her. If you can go for a walk, or find some other activity that the two of you can do together that makes his hands/feet busy, it may be that he can find it easier to talk as well - just a thought.

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