Porn addiction is about to end my marriage !
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-11-2012, 09:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Porn addiction is about to end my marriage !

my first post.Only way i can vent bc im going crazy please help ! my 24th anniv. is this year but i dont think ill make it.... cant deal with my husbands addiction to porn. REALY BAD ADDICTION ! He goes to bed at 2 or 3 am. He even gets up after that to masterbate!!!(who in their right mind gets out of bed to masterbate when your partner is right next to you ?) I stopped initiating sex bc last time i did (> 6 mo.)he didnt get an erection(just imagine how i felt) ! all im left is with all these horrible feelings about myself (realy depressed)sex is down to 3 times a month if im lucky and he doesnt even finish and after everything ive had to face throughout this marriage I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS TOO, I WANT OUT ! i realy need help here, WHAT SHOULD I DO ?
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Please don't think anyone is ignoring you. Just thinking about what advice to give you..
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Have you confronted him on this? Does he have an actual addiction, or does he just not care about you and your feelings?

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Old 02-11-2012, 11:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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How often does he go to bed at in the wee small hours?
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Old 02-11-2012, 11:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Or here's another question, if he was up till the small hours watching sport, would you have the same problem. That is, he's addicted to sport?
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Old 02-11-2012, 11:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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We really need to know what your husband's thoughts are on this issue before offering advice, since it is his behaviour that you are concerned about.

You might also be interested in reading THIS and THIS.

Oh, and is there anything he might think is stopping him from being aroused by you?
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Old 02-12-2012, 12:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Oh wow..... I'm sorry your going through this. You must feel very rejected.

Have you discussed this with H? How deeply has it been discussed....were any comprises or results gained from the talks?

What is his attitude towards the porn? How does he see it in relation to sex with you..a real warm and willing human?
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
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first i want to thanks everyone for your time to help.
PBear- i have confronted him and he didnt really say anything he tried to kick the habit but it only lasted a for a couple of weeks.

Diolay - the norm is that i go to bed around 10-11pm and the earliest hes been in bed is 12:30 1:00am and if he were watching sports i dont think that would make him lose intrest in sex so i most likely wound not mind

MSP - thnx for the links. when i confronted he he didnt sy anything but i saw the shame in his face next day all he said was the steps he would talk to fix the problem.about if their is anything stopping him from being aroused i dont think so everything is the same exept that we both have gained weight...all though i think it might be THE HOT SEXY PORN STARS (LOL)

Waiwera - rejection and a wagon full of negative feelings ! he doest really talk about it.

i need help on how to confront him this time bc last time it was just my reaction to what happend.... i was using b.room with the light off then he walks in with his family jewels hanging out ready for action (HIS FACE WAS PRICELESS ) i was embarrased and mad. how do i bring up the subject and my thoughts about ending everything if he does get help bc i really can take this any longer. ???
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I am so sorry, and can truly relate!! I have also suffered for past two years from same issue with my h. He was staying up late nightly.. playing internet games/ and porn. He would not initiate sex with me often and when he did it sucked, and iwas left holding the bag.. gee honey sorry maybe next time. Then it came to twice a month, then two months with no sex. it hurts, even went on a cruise he didnt even imitate then, i did, again terrible.. the rejection a women feels in this situation is devastating. I confronted my husband also, his response was it was none of my business! I might be open to viewing together if we both benefited but why the selfishness and hiding? its an addiction, and look this up, i found porn addiction is directly related to ererctile dysfuntions,.. as in he cant get a normal erection from you a real live warm women if he is used to watching collage girls groupies everyday. or whatever.. internet porn is killing marriages, pulling people apart. When you stop sharing your self with your partner, what is left? roomate! I hope you find some peace, and know it is NOT you, dont let this make you feel less of a woman,.
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Old 02-12-2012, 02:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cinibun View Post
I am so sorry, and can truly relate!! I have also suffered for past two years from same issue with my h. He was staying up late nightly.. playing internet games/ and porn. He would not initiate sex with me often and when he did it sucked, and iwas left holding the bag.. gee honey sorry maybe next time. Then it came to twice a month, then two months with no sex. it hurts, even went on a cruise he didnt even imitate then, i did, again terrible.. the rejection a women feels in this situation is devastating. I confronted my husband also, his response was it was none of my business! I might be open to viewing together if we both benefited but why the selfishness and hiding? its an addiction, and look this up, i found porn addiction is directly related to ererctile dysfuntions,.. as in he cant get a normal erection from you a real live warm women if he is used to watching collage girls groupies everyday. or whatever.. internet porn is killing marriages, pulling people apart. When you stop sharing your self with your partner, what is left? roomate! I hope you find some peace, and know it is NOT you, dont let this make you feel less of a woman,.

thanks for your words full of kindness !! for me i addition to all the negative emotions that are running around in my heart and mind my H has become a nagging mean man who is always saying things to humiliate me and throw everything hes done (even imaginary things) for me and our kids to my face...
this addiction is the cherry on the sunday and i am determined to end this one way or an other (he gets counseling or im out) and SCREW the 24 yr marriage
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Old 02-12-2012, 02:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi ladies! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. The rejection and humiliation can be so unbearable. My exH was into porn, same behaviors you describe, except he expected me to perform like the women in them. The sad thing for me is I ended that marriage more than 20 years ago; my current DH still deals with pain I suffered then. I'm new to the site and still learning all the posting rules, so I hope I don't get in trouble for this: Listening to a radio program the other day on this subject, they mentioned a book (Lifeguide by Melissa Haas) and a website (Porn to Purity) where wives could go for help & guidance when dealing with a porn addicted spouse. My prayers go out to you both. Good luck to you!
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Old 02-12-2012, 03:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Did my post get deleted? I swear I posted a reply.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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HEAVENSANGEL -thanks. porn has devastated me the only thing i can think of is getting away ! i will be cheking out your references to see if i can find peace
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Go to the website yourbrainonporn.com and you will see the brain science of what is going on. What you are living with is very fixable and it is so empowering to throw off the shadow lifestyle that comes with porn. I arrived at the problem quite by accident due to a mismatch with my wife's libido. The reboot and abstinence that comes with it includes headaches, insomnia, mood swings, blue balls...and those are the easy parts. If you could get your husband to realize he's only about 90 days away from raging erections and being more sensitive than he can remember he might get interested. It would also help if he would have the support of his wife. I would think being able to put the performance anxieties on a shelf might be intriguing to her as well. Have him find another hobby for a few months though because it is a grind and he will need a distraction or two.
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:00 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn addiction is about to end my marriage !

Patrick Carnes and his wife have books that are quite helpful for both the addict and the spouse.

http://www.amazon.com/Shadows-Net-Br.../dp/1568386206

My husband is a sex addict, it started with porn but escalated from there. Like any addict, your husband has to hit rock bottom before he will admit he has a problem and get help.

There are 12 step programs for is, and certified sex addiction therapists (CSAT's) who can help too.

My advice would be if he isn't willing to seek help, leave him. That may be the wake up call he needs. Maybe.
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