Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
All wives who deny their own sexuality have reasons that they can clearly state and that are not solvable by the husband. "I have body issues", "I was abused", "I have a headache". Your particular cross to bear is "It's not ladylike"..
You could either buy into your wife's excuse, or realize that this is a test where she is waiting for you to make necessary to unleash her sexuality.
All wives who deny their own sexuality have reasons that they can clearly state and that are not solvable by the husband. "I have body issues", "I was abused", "I have a headache". Your particular cross to bear is "It's not ladylike"..
I partially agree. I think a loving and concerned husband is very helpful in dealing with these sexual problems. What will never work is the husband attempting to work on these issues, while the wife simply doesn't care or even see them as problems.
All wives who deny their own sexuality have reasons that they can clearly state and that are not solvable by the husband. "I have body issues", "I was abused", "I have a headache". Your particular cross to bear is "It's not ladylike"..
You could either buy into your wife's excuse,
I do not buy into the excuse. I know it's an excuse, since I reckon "I'm a lady" might actually be spelt "I can't be bothered".
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or realize that this is a test
If it's a test, I think she's making the rules and results up as she goes along!
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where she is waiting for you to make necessary to unleash her sexuality.
I don't understand this last bit. I don't understand how I "make necessary"
Chimp,
Good luck. Be friendly and firm at the same time. Firm means that when she is doing stuff to you, that she would not tolerate in reverse, that you briefly point that out. Radiating "anger" is not effective as she doesn't care if you are angry.
Radiating indifference - that is something else entirely. Most partners react very strongly to indifference as it makes them feel unimportant.
I have been told tonight that indifference is "rude" and that as a lady she "expects to be treated politely".
I said "Oh, right" and went back to what I had been doing.
You have too many pages here for me to go back over all of it, but in reading your first post in the thread you state that she yelps and tells you not to creep up on her if you come up from behind and try and touch her.
Has she always been like this? What is her background/history? Does she have any sexual abuse in her background?
She is using her "lady-ness" as a very effective shield to protect herself. There has to be a *reason* why. What is that reason, I wonder?
You have too many pages here for me to go back over all of it, but in reading your first post in the thread you state that she yelps and tells you not to creep up on her if you come up from behind and try and touch her.
Has she always been like this? What is her background/history? Does she have any sexual abuse in her background?
No she has not always been like this. She has got progressively worse over the last four or five years. This did not really coincide with anything as far as I can tell. She is a "normal" Londoner (if there is such a thing LOL), with a background that is pretty working class, no big religion or nothing like that. AS far as sex abuse - she has said no. It has come up in conversation, like when it gets mentioned on the news, and she has said stuff like "At least I've never had anything like that happen" or some such.
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She is using her "lady-ness" as a very effective shield to protect herself. There has to be a *reason* why. What is that reason, I wonder?
Yes, it is very effective. As of the reasons I can think of a few.
She is done with sex now we have the kids and I've been snipped.
She can't be bothered because she has a good life but doesn't care about me except as a provider.
She wants to re-invent herself as a posh lady and that posh ladies don't have sex, especially with bits of rough like me.
Dunno.
Thanks for your input. Anything else you can add will be nice to hear.
I do not buy into the excuse. I know it's an excuse, since I reckon "I'm a lady" might actually be spelt "I can't be bothered".
If it's a test, I think she's making the rules and results up as she goes along!
I don't understand this last bit. I don't understand how I "make necessary"
She doesnt currently understand that the life she leads, the family she has, her home, her financial security, her daily happiness has any connection to your sexual fulflimment.
She doesnt currently understand that the life she leads, the family she has, her home, her financial security, her daily happiness has any connection to your sexual fulflimment.
You're right. Well, either see doesn't see a connection, or she doesn't think there should be /needs to be a connection. I reckon she doesn't want there to be a connection, because that's how she thinks "ladies" and "gentlemen" are.
But I still don't get what "make necessary" means?
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Re: Self-Improvement Not Helping Sex Life 
