I think you are: looking to tar all men with the same brush and make yourself feel better.
I don't think you want to solve the problem.
Because my situation is so similar to the OP's, I'm curious what you mean by this. I, too, have spoken to my husband about what we need to do to improve our sex life. I think I handled it the "right" way. I didn't do it after a particularly disappointing sex session. I took an afternoon, sent the kids away, and told him we needed to talk. Not only did I tell him what I needed for things to improve, I asked him what he needed from me so that things could be better.
It was as honest a conversation two people could have about sex, though I was never putting him down. I used statements like, "My needs have changed, and I think it would be great if we tried this." He took offense at every turn, told me I was asking too much, he couldn't do those things...but he didn't hold out on expressing what he needed from me, and though I've tried doing everything he said -- more lingerie, more spontaneity, more BJs -- things haven't improved for ME because he is simply unwilling to do anything to make it better for me. I still feel like nothing more than a hole or piece of meat every time we have sex...and have started avoiding it again so as not to feel like anymore.
He has said the words, "We're still having sex after 14 years. Isn't that enough to make you happy?" Well, no, I'm sorry, it's just not.
Based on a "challenge" from our MC, I have turned into super-wife these last two months, trying my damndest to make this marriage work. From doing all of the scheduling of quality time, cooking more elaborate dinners every night, cooking special things for his lunch -- he works outside in the snow -- getting him random gifts and cards, snuggling on the couch to watch movies, becoming MUCH more sexually adventurous. Yet he still hasn't budged one inch to do even a single thing I told him I needed to make our sex life -- and marriage in general -- work for me.
If there's something I'm missing, please tell me what it is! I feel like I'm spinning my wheels here and getting nowhere.