Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Hello,
I dont know if I am being unfair or not.....
I feel very bad about even mentioning this to anyone, but it has caused me to not even want to go to bed at night.
My husband and I have a sexless marriage.
We have been married only five years, but his posessiveness and obsession with sex has created disgust...I CANT STAND THE THOUGHT OF SEX WITH HIM.
I know (because he shared) that his first marriage ended because she couldnt stand the same thing any longer.
If it isnt talking about sex, or watching it on the internet, it is a feel sorry for me game (because he doesnt get enough)
His jealousy has lost me my job (3 years ago----WORST TIME EVER to lose a job) and made me resent the very thought of being intimate with him. Besides that past problem, there is an old issue about him not being circumcised. I cannot help how I feel about this.....It is very uncomfortable to have sex, and just plain smells bad. He has gotten every computer he touched infected with viruses from porn. And I have found (which he left open on his desk) plans to meet someone he found on CL to have sex with him in some hotel by the interstate!!!
Financially we cannot afford to divorce...and we agreed on that. He had been accepting of the fact that I would no longer be intimate with him when I told him I knew about the liason arrangement...he just didnt want me to kick him out.
Now, some time has passed, and he has started talking about sex alot to me, and asking me if maybe he could get some "sex" now since he NEVER gets any.
Here is where my problem and question lie;
I have told him "No more"
He isnt having sex with me, and possibly no one else either.
Now he has started masturbating in bed next to me in the middle of the night.....I am regularly waking up to the bed shaking.
I have said nothing to him because I do respect his need for release. I am not cold or stupid. And am not trying to make him feel any worse...but I think he wants me know he is doing it.
I feel very creepy about this, and wondered if anyone else has had this type of problem.
I dont berate him for masturbating, but wouldnt some privacy (for BOTH OF US) be more appropriate.
Any advice will be appreciated!
If you've agreed that you 'can't' divorce (not sure why but whatever) and you refuse to have sex with him, you should be thankful all he's doing is masturbating. Wow, never thought I'd ever say THAT.
Why on earth would you want to be married to him?? Sounds like you can't stand him. Must be hell.
I caught my hubbie working one when I was sleeping before...I made no bones about sitting straight up and explaining how degrading that was to me. If your going to do it and not invite me...then do it some where else. I agree...sex/masturbation
would be the last thing on my mind if I were you.
Even if you can't afford a divorce, maybe you need to separate. As in you leave, until you can afford a legal separation/divorce. There is no reason to stay in the same house. Its not healthy. Can you afford a rental place? Can you stay with friends or a family member until you can afford something?
This guy sounds like a complete creep.
Agreeing with everyone else - I don't know how you couldn't afford a divorce - but whatever. The sooner you aren't with him the better.
Finally, I wish that more low drive spouses posted on this board. It would really add some light and life to the same thing about not getting 'enough' or 'any' and us all comforting and commiserating with each other.
Besides that past problem, there is an old issue about him not being circumcised. I cannot help how I feel about this.....It is very uncomfortable to have sex, and just plain smells bad.
what! you wouldn't like it here in the uk not many guys are cut less they be jewish.
I tell you what reading your post saying he smells just because he is not cut is total rubbish, does he not wash? Because even my american partner wasn't cut properly and he never smelt, and no uk guy i have been with smelt nasty either and like i said they are not cut at all. why would it be uncomfortable? it is natural as nature intended.
I feel sorry for they guy jackin off in bed next to you, i think just maybe he is making a statement, you know something i give him +1
you need to divorce and let him free, you sound like you have clipped his wings, or allow him affairs because you don't want him do you now, it is a basic human need to need sexual intimacy and you have been totally denying him, it seems you have no need for it, if an uncut **** turns you off so.
Even if you can't afford a divorce, maybe you need to separate. As in you leave, until you can afford a legal separation/divorce. There is no reason to stay in the same house. Its not healthy. Can you afford a rental place? Can you stay with friends or a family member until you can afford something?
Actually, this is my home. I have been unable to find a job since mine was lost....he found one within one month and has been promoted two times since. However, he cannot find another place to live.
what! you wouldn't like it here in the uk not many guys are cut less they be jewish.
I tell you what reading your post saying he smells just because he is not cut is total rubbish, does he not wash? Because even my american partner wasn't cut properly and he never smelt, and no uk guy i have been with smelt nasty either and like i said they are not cut at all. why would it be uncomfortable? it is natural as nature intended.
I feel sorry for they guy jackin off in bed next to you, i think just maybe he is making a statement, you know something i give him +1
you need to divorce and let him free, you sound like you have clipped his wings, or allow him affairs because you don't want him do you now, it is a basic human need to need sexual intimacy and you have been totally denying him, it seems you have no need for it, if an uncut **** turns you off so.
While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
Smelled is the correct usage.
Now, that is helpful information.
Thank you just the same
While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
Smelled is the correct usage.
Now, that is helpful information.
Thank you just the same
If you are going to make derogatory comments about a huge majority of the world's population (the Great Uncut) then you should expect someone to be upset. Smelt is the way the past simple of smell is spelt (same thing) in British English.
If you want advice don't insult people and get into arguments about spelling.
You should divorce your husband and find a clean-cut man who isn't such a wanker.
While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
Smelled is the correct usage.
Now, that is helpful information.
Thank you just the same
Correct usage where, according to which system of British or American English? That is not even an issue of usage. Verb declension, particularly the the three principal parts of verbs, viz. present, past, past participle, is an area of grammar. If you're going to correct someone and appeal linguistically, at least know what you're talking about. Usage is entirely different, e.g. S&V agreement, pronoun & antecedent agreement, etc... An unrelated area of language as regards your failed correction.
Clearly you're no one to correct people's English since, if you were even appealing to Standard American English (and its over 50 recognized variations), there is no "correct" system anyways, just what the top linguistics publishers decide, decisions sometimes even different from each other that change often and quickly. Interestingly, if you were appealing to British English, there is a correct prescribed grammar, which was what cloudwithleggs supplied anyway... Completely pompous of you to dictate in an area where you don't belong while asking for advice about your dysfunctional marriage.
If you believe you're so much smarter than some of the posters here, maybe you shouldn't be asking on a public forum or shouldn't have made a thread. If you only wish select individuals to offer you your select, constructive advice for which you seem to have a niche readily made, read, search, and PM individuals whose posts you like. Otherwise, be grateful for all the advice you get here. No one has insulted you, just questioned your own need for intimacy since establishing a better background is part of what helps users here in crafting advice that would suit you, the one seeking.
You have an interest in sex? Go have some. Don't like it with your husband? Have it with someone else... And let the poor fella do the same. You seemed to have picked a winner that nobody forced you to marry. Meanwhile, Cloudwithleggs doesn't have a sex-starved freak jerking off next to her during her sleep...
If you want to save your marriage, then drop the attitude. You're not impressing anyone. You stated yourself in your first post that you have a problem with him being uncircumcised, elaborating with your detailing the discomfort and smell. That is very naive... Which leads us all to wonder: Why did you marry someone whose penis you don't like? I hope you know what the point of marriage is. If I didn't like vaginas with enlarged labia, I don't think you'd find me on a marriage forum post-marriage asking for sex advice and explaining how I don't like the type of vagina my wife has, something YOU THINK I might have known before marrying her... Not very smart. Do yourself a favor and drop the spelling queen act.
Correct usage where, according to which system of British or American English? That is not even an issue of usage. Verb declension, particularly the the three principal parts of verbs, viz. present, past, past participle, is an area of grammar. If you're going to correct someone and appeal linguistically, at least know what you're talking about. Usage is entirely different, e.g. S&V agreement, pronoun & antecedent agreement, etc... An unrelated area of language as regards your failed correction.
Clearly you're no one to correct people's English since, if you were even appealing to Standard American English (and its over 50 recognized variations), there is no "correct" system anyways, just what the top linguistics publishers decide, decisions sometimes even different from each other that change often and quickly. Interestingly, if you were appealing to British English, there is a correct prescribed grammar, which was what cloudwithleggs supplied anyway... Completely pompous of you to dictate in an area where you don't belong while asking for advice about your dysfunctional marriage.
If you believe you're so much smarter than some of the posters here, maybe you shouldn't be asking on a public forum or shouldn't have made a thread. If you only wish select individuals to offer you your select, constructive advice for which you seem to have a niche readily made, read, search, and PM individuals whose posts you like. Otherwise, be grateful for all the advice you get here. No one has insulted you, just questioned your own need for intimacy since establishing a better background is part of what helps users here in crafting advice that would suit you, the one seeking.
You have an interest in sex? Go have some. Don't like it with your husband? Have it with someone else... And let the poor fella do the same. You seemed to have picked a winner that nobody forced you to marry. Meanwhile, Cloudwithleggs doesn't have a sex-starved freak jerking off next to her during her sleep...
If you want to save your marriage, then drop the attitude. You're not impressing anyone. You stated yourself in your first post that you have a problem with him being uncircumcised, elaborating with your detailing the discomfort and smell. That is very naive... Which leads us all to wonder: Why did you marry someone whose penis you don't like? I hope you know what the point of marriage is. If I didn't like vaginas with enlarged labia, I don't think you'd find me on a marriage forum post-marriage asking for sex advice and explaining how I don't like the type of vagina my wife has, something YOU THINK I might have known before marrying her... Not very smart. Do yourself a favor and drop the spelling queen act.
sorry-
was not trying to insult anyone.
I really dont think I am better than anyone else....i dont really know what to think.
for the record....i never saw his penis before we married, NOT EVERYONE EXPERIENCES PENIS EXPERTISE
so how is trying to remain celibate before marriage stupid?
i think it is very easy to assume I am insulting all the men out there uncircumcised.....i am not. I was only referring to my husband.
some of you are just plain bullies.....maybe it makes you feel smart to type paragraphs of unrelated insults.
"how helpful"
spend your life insulting strangers......i wasnt picking and choosing advice, but I felt very attacked because I didnt appreciate MOST uncut men....what the hell?
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husband masturbating 
