Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I'm new to the forum. I have been with DH for four years now. You seem like a great bunch.
I'll jump right in with my problem.
I am having trouble with our sex life. Since we began dating, sex has always been exactly the same. We take off our clothes, he'll kiss me once or twice, and immediately put his hands between my legs to stimulate me. Afterward, I'll take take care of him. And on occasion we'll have intercourse.
It's like a routine to him. I am ashamed to say I've become completely bored with our sex life. It's also very difficult for me to have an orgasm because I'm not even turned on for a good while.
Now, I love my DH and he really cares about pleasuring me, but he's just focused on having me have an orgasm. He isn't a young guy, and has plenty of sexual experience before me. So I don't know why he doesn't know about foreplay!
I've told him several times that I need foreplay in order to get turned on. I've even told him ways that may help me (i.e. touch other parts of my body). Nothing has changed though. Maybe I need to tell him differently. I know he really wants to please me the best way possible.
Does anyone else have this problem? What can I do?
If that's what you believe, how come nothing changes? Can you explain more?
Sure.
Well, the last couple times we had sex (after I told about him about foreplay), he would spend a few minutes just laying with me on the bed. Turns out later that he thought that was foreplay.
I think there is some communication gap. I don't know why he's not getting it.
Maybe you could try showing him some foreplay moves rather than telling him about them. Try taking his hand in yours and moving it to other parts of your body and then stimulating them how you would like while his hand is in yours. Perhaps domore exploring and caressing of his body and see how that works. Try giving him verbal cues as well.
One thing I had asked my wife as what she liked and had her move my hand here she wanted it. She knows better than I what needs to be done. I also think changing things up and experimenting is always important too. Have him take care of you before you take care of him maybe he'll get the hint.
Or how about you take control...keep kissing, when he stops, pull him in closer and kiss some more or if he tries to penetrate you, close your legs teasingly and say not yet i just want to enjoy this moment, et...you set the pace and let him follow your lead. And maybe you can take that opportunity to teach an old dog some new tricks, introduce some toys or edibles, whatever floats your boat...Sorry if this is too vulgar (I don't think it is, but everyone is different :-))
Thanks everyone for the advice! You've been very helpful.
I'll for sure try the hand over hand technique. Maybe he'll really like it. I never thought of using that.
I'm usually not very controlling in bed. In fact it's the opposite. I never thought of teasing him!
Great advice. As you can tell I'm not very experienced in the bedroom. I'm only in twenties and my DH is twenty years my senior so I expect him to be a pro.
i can empathize with you newbie. im so bored with my sex life that i hardly even think about it anymore. ive also tried to teach my H about foreplay, etc. ive gotten so tired of trying that ive pretty much quit thinking about it.
one thing i would suggest, though, is to get more experience by reading about sex yourself. it will be very difficult to tell him what you want if you dont know what you want. believe me he will never figure it out on his own.
you need to show him what turns you on!!!! play games have fun !! have a trip to a sex shop together to buy a book and maybe one or two toys.
when we were first married we made a list of what we liked and then swapped ,dont be shy in asking him to do things im sure he would prefere to be turning you on rather then thinking your bored .
i can empathize with you newbie. im so bored with my sex life that i hardly even think about it anymore. ive also tried to teach my H about foreplay, etc. ive gotten so tired of trying that ive pretty much quit thinking about it.
I'm happy to hear that I'm not alone. I hope the advice given to me helps you. It's no fun having a boring sex life. It sucks big time.
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one thing i would suggest, though, is to get more experience by reading about sex yourself. it will be very difficult to tell him what you want if you dont know what you want. believe me he will never figure it out on his own.
Your probably right that he won't figure it out on his own. I'm been reading on a few websites about foreplay tips. I may use the hand over hand technique to show him them. I sure hope it works.
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Originally Posted by humpty dumpty
you need to show him what turns you on!!!! play games have fun !! have a trip to a sex shop together to buy a book and maybe one or two toys.
when we were first married we made a list of what we liked and then swapped ,dont be shy in asking him to do things im sure he would prefere to be turning you on rather then thinking your bored .
Making a list and swapping it seems like a great idea! Maybe I can do that with him.
I'm thinking about buying him the book: How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man to Know
I also want to learn how to please him more too so I'm going to buy the one for women: How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind
I hope he doesn't feel insulted! However, maybe he'll be glad that I got a book to be better with pleasuring him.
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Originally Posted by okeydokie
being shy dont cut it, take some control, it might just drive him wild
I'm am pretty shy. I really would like to be more controlling in bed.
Recently, I told him that I'd like to look at porn together and he loved that idea. But I can't find any porn that I like. I'm so new at this. I'm very interested in lesbian porn and normal male/female stuff. Where's a good place to buy some DVD's? I am really sorry if I'm too graphic. I hope I didn't disgust anyone.
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Originally Posted by Amplexor
There are some very informative DVD's on the subject. Try watching one together. And as with everything else in life...."Pratice makes perfect"
I didn't know that there are "How to" DVDs. Can you tell me website or a DVD series? Thanks so much.
I'm happy to hear that I'm not alone. I hope the advice given to me helps you. It's no fun having a boring sex life. It sucks big time.
It did suck BIG TIME for me! Especially in the beginning. I had all kinds of expectations, fantasies, etc I wanted to play out with my H. I had a very hard time coping with it all.
I guess I cope with it by realizing everyone has their issues in marriage. Ours happens to be sex. Im sure its a two way street. im sure its not just him. I tell myself we have the rest of our lives to figure it out....and I'll start thinking about it tomorrow
so hang in there and dont give up. nothing worth having every comes easy.
No Foreplay is turning me off 
