How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-21-2012, 09:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Ok, here is my situation: I have a very high sex drive and my wife`s is average. I would like sex daily and she insists it is unfair of me to ask for it more than a couple of times a week. How often is too often to expect it? And should she be willing to have it more often to compromise with my needs or should I just accept what suits her and deal with it? Thanks! :-)
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Old 02-21-2012, 09:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

1) yes of course there needs to be a compromise by both of you

2) Instead of trying to guess at a magic number of times to ask, you need to ask her what are her expectations
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Old 02-21-2012, 09:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

I suppose I`m speaking in general terms of number of times. It`s more a I need/I`m receiving less than I want thing. It isnt like there is a problem of unsatisfactory quality, just a somewhat serious ongoing issue of quantity wanted and received by me vs quantity provided by her and our expectations about what should be acceptable to each other.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Maybe the two times a week IS a compromise for her? Maybe she would like you to do something different sexually.

There's no magic number for how often is too often. For some couples, once a week is great. I would have been pretty happy with that in my past marriage, to be honest. But with my GF, we're "higher" drive, and 5 to 7 times a week makes both of us feel warm and fuzzy.

Has there been a decline during your relationship? How old are you both? How long have you been together and how long married? And do you have kids?

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Old 02-21-2012, 10:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Talk about expectations, etc.

But please don't ask for sex. It's suuuuch a turnoff. Ew.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

I`m sure she isnt unsatisfied with quality or bored. This isnt a question about that. I phrased it specifically, and I dont "ask" per se, but I am getting "shot down" occasionally. To answer the age, children question too; we are both in our 30s, married about 8 years, have one child. :-)
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Is she healthy? Stressed?

I cannot relate, as Hubs and I have sex almost daily...because we both enjoy it and it's just a part of our lives. We're in late20s/mid 30s and have 2 kids.

What does she do when you just start snugglin and kissing her? Why does she reject you? Have you asked?
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

It`s totally an issue of what I want quantity vs what she wants quantity. Usually she says she is tired which I believe because she seems tired. I`m kind of just looking to find out if I am being unreasonable by wanting more than she does. To me, I kind of feel like she isnt caring about my needs, and that bothers me as much as the lack of number of number of times does.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

To answer the other part of your question Chat Girl, she is reasonably healthy and I dont think she is too stressed out.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

You didn't answer my questions...

But ok. So she isn't caring about your needs. Are you caring about hers?
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Sorry I didnt answer the rest of your ? Chat Girl. :-) So, she just usually says she is either tired which is around bed time, or during the day, that she isnt interested at that time. I guess I feel like I am expected to just accept her schedule without the compromise I feel she should give on my behalf to make me happy, and so that is why I asked the original question that I asked. I feel like this is unfair to me, and want to know if my high-sex needs are unreasonable before making a larger issue of it.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Was your sex life more frequent in the past?

Both of you seem to have drives that I personally would think are normal or reasonable. But I don't really see where you're compromising either.... It seems from your posts that you think she should meet your needs, and forget her feelings. Again, maybe two times a week IS her compromise already. Maybe she'd prefer once a week.

And it's "that girl", not "chat girl".

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Old 02-21-2012, 10:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Thanks, Pbear

Yea, it seems to be all about you. have you talked to her about what she wants and what you want?
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Old 02-21-2012, 11:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

I would say that what I am getting from her is a "this is how often I want it deal with it" type of response. And that is the issue I have. I get that that may be all that she wants and I guess if that is the case, I would have to live with it (unhappily), but it`s the fact that it has a line in the sand "you`ll have to make advances and I`ll let you know if I`m not interested" feel to it that really bothers me. I dont feel that that is fair to me. I was kind of looking for a yes you are reasonable to expect more, no your expectations are unreasonable response to gauge if my expectationns are, in fact, either reasonable or unreasonable before furthering the dialogue about it.
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Old 02-21-2012, 11:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How often a week is too often to ask your wife for sex?

Well, we dont' know the dynamics of you and your marriage.

You can totally want more, but maybe your approach is off putting.

I know you want to feel desired, wanted, needed, etc..and that's where many wives get it wrong. But many husband's start to 'ask' and 'beg' for sex which is a turn off so it's hard to desire.

I do suggest having a talk where you tell her (calmly) your needs and wishes. What you want and what you wish would happen.
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