Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Hi, I'm initiating this thread as I found this a very matured crowd.
I'm married for 9 months now. I knew my wife for a long time before our marriage, and it remains a very comfortable relationship. We find ourselves extremely happy, except for the fact that we have not had sex.
I masturbate and we masturbate each other. We both are virgins and her fear of pain due to first time sex remains a mind-block for her. And I have been trying to be not too pushy. Is there something wrong with us? Can anyone advice on how to go ahead?
This is very likely psychological and definitely requires counseling as it is abnormal. I was dating a gal like that for a long time and we could never get over the roadblock of sex pain for her so we never had sex.
If you can help it dont go to doctor to do it. Try your best to do it yourself. A girl makes a bond with the one who takes her virginity away. I cant think of any other reason its there for.
Someone must have told her this. Most likely someone who doesnt like men. You have to get other women like her mother to tell her the truth. You can also try a bit at a time. Remember its not fully blocked. Just enlarge it a bit at a time.
Does she use tampons? You say she masterbates so she's ok with fingers in there? Having sex shouldn't be a whole lot different. I experienced zero pain my first time. She either needs to start trying to ease into it or get professional help.
Two things here - one in the physical realm and one in the emotional.
For the physical realm, she should be willing to go to her doctor/ob-gyn for a routine well lady visit and get everything examined. If she is unusually small or worried about pain, you can actually buy vaginal dilators - they start out in a very small size and you work your way up to larger sizes. This will gently over time stretch things out so that there shouldn't be any pain.
Next, the emotional. If she has this much fear about something that is a very normal function, then she perhaps has some characteristics - such as anxiety or obsession - that she needs to learn to get a handle on. She may need professional help in order to do that.
Lastly, are you two able to be intimate in other ways - manual/oral, etc.?
Oh, yes - and about you? Why so willing to wait so long? Ask yourself some hard questions as to why you cannot lead her in this area. You don't have to be a hard-nose, but you should be able to let her know this is unacceptable. You should not have to continue to defer your desires to hers all the time - you could be setting yourself up for a very lop-sided marital dynamic in that case. Your concerns and desires are just as legitimate.
I beg to differ. Sex is a must have ingredient in a healthy marriage but a man marries a woman because he loves, trusts and respects her and he believes she marries him for the same reasons.
IMO, I love trust and respect many women in my life. None of them are married to me. I married my wife because I love trust respect and enjoy SEX, special, precious, meaningful, sex.
Sex is the difference, and it is the most important reason I got married to my wife. If I didn't need sex in my life I would have NEVER gotten married. I would have had many friends, been a parent, gotten my career, and done everything else the same. Raising a child out of marriage is difficult, yet many parents still do it. Thus, for my son, and for SEX, I got married... To the most loving, respectable, and trustworthy woman out of all the women I have met I might add... Monogamous Sex is the ONLY quality that separates a marriage from other relationships. I can cite any friendship that has all of those qualities you said but don't contain sex. They are not marriages or sexual relationships. They are just friendships.
Sex is the difference. Without it, all the other things you mentioned could be found across many friendships. Monogamous sex is the essential characteristic of a marriage, so I agree 110% with PHTlump and all of my male friends in my social circles think exactly the same way.
Originally Posted by morituri
A man doesn't need to get married to have sex. I'm not married but I am in a committed relationship with a woman with whom I enjoy a very happy and healthy sex life.
Respectfully, you may be with her for all those things TOO, but if it wasn't for sex, I doubt you would be romantically committed to her, barred from other sexual relationship options. Presuming I'm not wrong in saying that (Correct me if so), you are with her most certainly for sex.
Now, saying that men get married for sex DOES NOT EQUAL that that is ALL men get married for. One does not equal the other. On the contrary, many of us guys here can profess very passionately the MANY reasons we are married to our treasured wives. However, the only distinction that absolutely categorizes our drive to having gotten married in the first place is that of having gotten married for sex.
Just sharing my opinion, but that is DEFINITELY why most men get married, including me, PROUDLY.
Men have nothing to be ashamed of in asserting that the reason they married their lovely, trustworthy, respectable lady with similar views instead of remaining friends with their lovely trustworthy, respectable lady with similar views WAS their desire to sign up to have lots of sex with said lady.
Sounds like she needs to relax a little. Maybe a nice dinner out with a lot of champagne? If she likes mutual masturbation, that is not bad! Wish I had that going for me.
I read your thread, sir. Hang in there, yourself. There are lots of great guys on this forum that have avoided the brainwashing by society of male sexuality being evil/primitive/etc. Of course, I have run into the posts of some men on this forum before, as well, which could have virtually come from a femenazi user instead of a man. You'll spot the difference.
I hope you get your problems solved here, too, and I hope we are able come up with ideas.