Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Cape Coral, FLorida
Re: When it's sexless: ladies, what are you hoping for?
Just based on my experience, I can honestly say there was no clear "decision" to refuse sex... My last relationship was sexless for the last two years based solely upon the breakdown of the relationship, my desire to be intimate with my ex dwindled due to abuse, neglect, lack of honesty/communication, several emotional affairs on his part, etc. I never just woke up one day and decided I wasn't going to have sex with him anymore - my desire faded over time and eventually I really just couldn't stand the thought of it. It wasn't that I had a goal in mind that I thought would be accomplished through cutting him off. He made breaking up and leaving him nearly impossible, as most control freaks and abusers do, hence the sexless final two years.
At this point I really didn't care whether or not he remained faithful - he had demonstrated that he would cheat in our best of times, so I accepted that he is not a monogamous sort.
As far as fixing things - I tried everything imaginable before finally giving up. In his eyes, I was the one responsible for our problems - in reality he was an addict who needed help, and I needed to not be his enabler anymore. I tried so much more than he ever did to fix our relationship and make it healthy.
4a and 4b don't really apply.
I think the specifics of your case are needed to really give you detailed information here. One thing I want to know is, why do you feel sexlessness is a female choice? Can the man not share the burden of not enabling her to be sexual with him? (Numerous reasons and causes, but let's just say the husband may have become less attentive, romantic, emotionally available, etc.) ...
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YinPrincess it sounds like you and I were married to the same idiot. I can relate to every word you said.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.