Still No Oral... Sorry!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Still No Oral... Sorry!

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-25-2012, 04:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Still No Oral... Sorry!

Third time is not a charm. I again brought up my husband's recent refusal to perform oral on me when he got frisky tonight - needless to say he seemed annoyed. He implies this shouldn't bother me so much, that I should just accept this indefinite arrangement without complaint. I had just showered, too, so hygiene isn't an issue.

I'm hurt because this was a very regular occurrence for me up until a few weeks ago. Because I am pregnant, he feels I am different, "more potent" were his exact words. (Note - he'd been performing oral on me while pregnant for the last 7 months... So why now)?

Can I understand the discomfort? Sure! There have been a lot of times I performed on him and he tasted different - stronger, weaker, etc. (Based on his diet? I think this is why it varies). There were times I performed on him as soon as he got off work - after running around in the hot sun all day... And I never refused. I never even mentioned to him that he might have needed a shower, or change his diet, etc. (He has not mentioned those things to me, just to be clear).

He used his hands on me as foreplay tonight, and I randomly pulled his hand up to our faces and tasted for myself - honestly there wasn't a difference! I encouraged him to do the same, to which he reluctantly tried.

Probably the reason this hurts me so much is everyday I see my husband do disgusting things - like break fish oil capsules in his mouth, or chew valarian root tablets (they smell like FEET! I kid you not!) In the past I've also seen him drink those green alfalfa supplements which are also pretty gnarly. How can *I* be worse than that, and not notice???

I suggested flavored lubricants and he still declined. I have a feeling that dental dams, fresh showers, hell, leaving my panties on aren't going to sway him. I'm upset that he isn't even open to compromise!

Am I over-reacting here or is he being selfish? It's a big deal to me and I feel so rejected and confused by this. Especially since he worked so hard to get me to accept receiving oral in the first place!

Thoughts, suggestions, ideas?

Sorry for the repeat threads, but this is really upsetting me and I'm tired of being blown off (no pun intended)
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Old 02-25-2012, 05:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

If my husband refused to do oral on me, I would stop all oral on him. Not as revenge but because I would feel that there is something very missing.

You are due pretty soon, right? I've heard that some guys get a bit freaked out as their wife's pregnancy advances. Maybe that's the issue.
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Old 02-25-2012, 05:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

If that is the issue, he isn't telling me and is content letting me feel quite bad about something I A.) Can't notice B.) Can't change and C.) Can't find a solution to.

I have stopped performing oral on him, despite the fact that I really do enjoy it - and he is okay with that.

And yes, this whole deal makes me feel as though something is very wrong and I feel powerless to find a solution.
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Old 02-25-2012, 05:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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There is nothing wrong with. You said you took all steps to be sure you were clean and he still refused. He was doing this all along until recently. There is something going on with him that he's not telling you. But to be clear it's him, not you. Don't let this give you grief because you think it is something you are or aren't doing.

I'd keep talking about it to find out what the real problem is.
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Old 02-25-2012, 06:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Have you point blank asked him if it has to do with your pregnancy?
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Old 02-25-2012, 08:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Hmm... It could be due to your pregnancy but I wouldn't rule out something else. I think you need to point blank ask. If it is due to pregnancy then maybe he just has a problem with it and it should return to normal once you deliver. If not, then you will now it is something else.
He is a lucky guy as I have to beg my wife to go down on her and vice versa.
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Old 02-25-2012, 09:48 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

when my wife was prego she deffinatly had a stronger taste and was much more wet.

It didn't bother me it was kinda nice.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it unless he refuses after you had the baby.

oh she also had hemroids and that was alittle of a turn off but not so much as to not lick the kitty.

I remember hearing oral sex while prgo can be dangerous if you blow air up there but who the hell dose that while giving oral?
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Old 02-25-2012, 10:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

If you are that far along, maybe he is just worried about having your water break in his mouth or something crazy?? I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I tend to have really weird dreams, and when I was preggo that was one of them LOL.
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Old 02-25-2012, 10:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Princess this has something to do with your pregnancy and how he sees it in his mind.

Whatever it is he's wrong but it isn't you.
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Old 02-25-2012, 12:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Thank you all for responding. I guess there isn't much I can do about it, even though this really upsets me. I would have least thought we could come up with a compromise, but I guess that isn't going to happen. I would have totally understood his feelings if I could tell there was a difference in smell or taste, but I can honestly say there isn't - so it must be psychological on his part. I remember having more vast changes in that department throughout monthly cycles before I was pregnant, so this is really confusing to me...

I'm worried that things will not go back to normal after the baby is born - especially if he watches it. I've heard this can be very traumatic for guys! LoL! It maybe appears that he may have had just one unpleasant experience and has now written it off indefinitely. I am not okay with that!

I can relate to the men's bj threads more than ever right now - it's not just about the physical pleasure; it feels like a rejection of you as you are... And isn't that a nice feeling...

Well I guess we will see if there's a difference... In TWO months!

Oh - and no hemmroids, Chilly! Thank goodness! LoL!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

I'm wondering if it might be that your belly freaks him out? Maybe he was down there, looked up and saw baby moving? And he can't admit it because he knows it's silly? I'm sorry, I know how you feel. One time my h went down the day after we had sex and then decided I smelled and he didn't want to do it anymore. I told him he was smelling his own semen! He still hardly ever does it and it does feel like rejection. I hope he goes back to the way he was after baby is born!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Sorry to hear about this because as someone who loves oral I can relate. I would just enjoy other aspects for now and look forward to the mind-blowing orgasm you'll have in a few months when you guys 69. When his neck is in a vice (your thighs) with kitty juice dripping all over him and he fears for his life he'll think twice before cutting off the licky-licky again.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
when my wife was prego she deffinatly had a stronger taste and was much more wet.

It didn't bother me it was kinda nice.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it unless he refuses after you had the baby.

oh she also had hemroids and that was alittle of a turn off but not so much as to not lick the kitty.

I remember hearing oral sex while prgo can be dangerous if you blow air up there but who the hell dose that while giving oral?
I just had to say that you are hilarious! Lick the kitty? Blowing air up there? The visual I got made me burst out laughing. Thanks man, I needed the laugh.
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Old 02-29-2012, 12:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by YinPrincess View Post
Thank you all for responding. I guess there isn't much I can do about it, even though this really upsets me. I would have least thought we could come up with a compromise, but I guess that isn't going to happen. I would have totally understood his feelings if I could tell there was a difference in smell or taste, but I can honestly say there isn't - so it must be psychological on his part. I remember having more vast changes in that department throughout monthly cycles before I was pregnant, so this is really confusing to me...

I'm worried that things will not go back to normal after the baby is born - especially if he watches it. I've heard this can be very traumatic for guys! LoL! It maybe appears that he may have had just one unpleasant experience and has now written it off indefinitely. I am not okay with that!

I can relate to the men's bj threads more than ever right now - it's not just about the physical pleasure; it feels like a rejection of you as you are... And isn't that a nice feeling...

Well I guess we will see if there's a difference... In TWO months!

Oh - and no hemmroids, Chilly! Thank goodness! LoL!
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Seeing my wife give birth did not hurt my willingness to go down on her - after things had healed of course.

It may be hard, but just give him some time. Maybe sometime after the baby is born - and you are ready - try initiating oral with him. If he doesn't reciprocate - try talking to him again. Just not sure that pushing the issue right now will help you much...sorry...
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Old 02-29-2012, 12:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Still No Oral... Sorry!

Yeah I don't push it too much, but I get the feeling my comments might have made him uncomfortable. Its not like I'm following him around the house all day begging for it though - it's just weird not having that as a part of our routine! I'm also just hung up on all the other stuff he puts in his mouth voluntarily that doesn't necessarily taste good, (even to him), and yet he won't agree to a compromise with me. Even worse, I am unable to see a difference - so am I going crazy or is he just messing with me? So it's psychological or it's about control. I wouldn't care if he called it either way, at least it could be substantiated to a degree. I guess I feel slighted for all the times I did it for him when he wasn't his best - because I love and accept him as he is - and when it comes to me - he isn't that way with me. It makes me think he doesn't love me as much, or the same way I love him. It's just a mind-trip, I'm sure. But I'm feeling pretty awful about it. :/ Sex itself is down to once a week, if not longer. Are you kidding me? At this time in my pregnancy I want it everyday! LoL!
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