Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree4Likes
  • 1 Post By Bobby5000
  • 1 Post By Mrs. T
  • 2 Post By PHTlump

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-27-2012, 02:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6
Default Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

I am the wife.....

For a number of years now....Ive gone off sex with hubby.....then I woke up one day and the spark had left...I still love him but it feels like a friendly love.....things improved a little and we had our daughter which we both wanted.....we married 4 years ago and it was after 2 years of me being affected by anxiety ....he wouldnt marry me in the way I could 'cope' with and the pain and effects got worse...including grief from his family. He didnt want to lose me so we married in a registry office and took 2 witnesses (my brother and wife) and then spent the weekend in a lovely posh hotel....we only married to have our child....even the sex on the wedding night I just did it.....I feel nothing for our anniversary....or the wedding as its clouded in the upset and lack of support I felt by him......

We have had highs and lows....we are best mates...have a nice life and good family. He has not changed his feelings....

We have been together 11 years in August. Hubby has always been complacent...lazy and took me for granted and I think its worn away at me......I do everything for him down to buying him nice clothes, keeping a lovely house, cooking great food etc...little treats, surprises and spontaneous things but he does nothing.....for the past two years now he has started to make effort but I dont feel the spark returning.......

We tried to have sex last night....I was turned on but not by him....it was awkward, I didnt like the faces he pulled and just wanted it to be over.......he feels like crap as Id expect and I dont want to hurt him.

He suggested we try 'swinging' so we now for the past 8m have had one or two select lovers.....I have lost weight, feel confident and alive....less depressed and trapped....but I know its papering over cracks.....

Anyone else in a similar marriage or can offer some support please......Thanks xxxxxxx
IgglePiggle is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-27-2012, 10:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 468
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

You too need to address your problems, but obviously swinging will not help either of you.
Bobby5000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 10:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 9,869
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

So you have an open marriage?
__________________

The tides are turning....
that_girl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 06:58 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Mrs. T's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Cape Coral, FLorida
Posts: 880
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

You are definitely papering over cracks. These one or two select lovers...are they male or female? I notice you say you feel confident and alive, less trapped. This sounds like a very unhealthy situation. If you two are expecting the swinging to build your marriage back up by spicing things up, its not. Its driving you further from each other if you now feel alive and happy again because someone else is validating you. From your post it doesn't even sound like you wanted to marry to begin with. That is your issue, not your lack of desire. Desire wasn't there even on your wedding day. You need to ask yourself whether or not you really want to be married.
__________________
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Mrs. T is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 08:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,243
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

You should tell your husband that you have no love for him. If he's happy being a walking paycheck, then nothing will change. If he wants a wife who values him as a person, then he will divorce you and find one. Either way, he will have the opportunity to make the choice.
PHTlump is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 02:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
So you have an open marriage?
Of sorts yes....what we have is that we agree we can have 1 or 2 lovers for sex only purposes..... the rest of the relationship is fine for me and him apart from he obv would prefer sex with me but i have no feelinds for him that way
IgglePiggle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 02:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. T View Post
You are definitely papering over cracks. These one or two select lovers...are they male or female? I notice you say you feel confident and alive, less trapped. This sounds like a very unhealthy situation. If you two are expecting the swinging to build your marriage back up by spicing things up, its not. Its driving you further from each other if you now feel alive and happy again because someone else is validating you. From your post it doesn't even sound like you wanted to marry to begin with. That is your issue, not your lack of desire. Desire wasn't there even on your wedding day. You need to ask yourself whether or not you really want to be married.
Thank you , you are right......

I wanted to be married but full of disappointment and resentment we went ahead and we should not have.....even hubby agreed it wasnt how it should have been,......but he should have stood up for me with his family and my illness with anxiety not make it worse.........he did marry me in the end because he didnt want to lose me but he wanted a big wedding....
IgglePiggle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 02:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 6
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by PHTlump View Post
You should tell your husband that you have no love for him. If he's happy being a walking paycheck, then nothing will change. If he wants a wife who values him as a person, then he will divorce you and find one. Either way, he will have the opportunity to make the choice.
I have told him I love him but I am no longer in love with him and he doesnt want to walk away....we are best friends and have a lovely life apart from the intimacy...

I know he deserves to find someone who wants to make love and be made love to.....

I do value him as a person....that is not in question.
IgglePiggle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 02:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,243
Default Re: Wife doesnt want sex....very little intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by IgglePiggle View Post
I have told him I love him but I am no longer in love with him and he doesnt want to walk away....we are best friends and have a lovely life apart from the intimacy...
That is better than not telling him at all. Your husband may simply see this as a rough patch, rather than the end of your attraction to him. If that's true, then you could probably do more to communicate your feelings. However, with your husband approving adultery in order to keep you in the marriage, he may have a clear picture of the situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IgglePiggle View Post
I do value him as a person....that is not in question.
I should have written, "as a husband," not, "as a person." As you clearly agree, a husband deserves a wife who is sexually attracted to him.

However, if your husband understands the situation and prefers a sexless marriage with you over the other options, then I suppose that's his choice. It's not the choice I would make. And you probably won't be satisfied with it for long. But, he has made his decision.
PHTlump is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Wife doesnt like to have sex with me anymore photoguy Sex in Marriage 24 10-29-2012 04:54 PM
My wife doesnt want to be with me anymore. romanojohn07 Considering Divorce or Separation 4 04-09-2012 12:37 PM
wife doesnt want sex very often wellcorn Sex in Marriage 0 03-27-2012 07:40 PM
my wife doesnt want more children what_now General Relationship Discussion 10 03-26-2012 01:17 AM
Wife very depressed doesnt want help john141 Physical & Mental Health Issues 3 04-09-2010 04:45 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:51 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage