Does anyone know of this feeling?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-28-2012, 02:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Does anyone know of this feeling?

I have a question about sex and hoping that i can get a reply on this. As a couple you are to listen to what your partner is needing and wanting .. right? Lemme say a bit so you can follow me a bit easier. So , my bf and I are tryin to be attentive to each others needs in the bedroom. Im more of a spontanous lover , where he is rather a schedualed lover. I tell him it dont do much for me to have a calender to follow , and sometimes I would like some throw ya against the wall kinda play. He told me that hes not really into that kind of sex and dont do much for him.. ugh ! Now heres where it starts.. he tries to do this once in a while and its not that I dont want to give him credit for at least trying cuz i so do respect the effort.. but.. its so not the same as if you were with a man who gets turned on like you do.. It becomes with no feeling or emotion.. and to make things worse , it dont even get him aroused in that area.. so what is the verdict here? Hes got to masterbate a bit after to get to the point that we can follow from the wall passion sorta speak.. and when i say throw against the wall .. I DONT mean crazy .. I just mean , take your women and show her you want her and you love her .. yah yah .. kinda like the movies.. lol . So , with that said, Im confused how to feel. I dont want to pretend just like I dont want him to .. now what?
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Old 02-28-2012, 03:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does anyone know of this feeling?

My husband is not that type of man either , I have been with him for 30 yrs, married 22 yrs, trust me, you won't change them. I didn't marry a bad boy, I married more the "nice guy" type, I don't have any regrets , luckily in my youth, I was not looking for this sort of thing but later in life, I did kinda WANT some of that... and if anyone has tried to get their husband on board ...it was me.

I studied the subject... you are desiring an EROTIC LOVER ....defintion here :

Taken from this book When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex life ...

You need passion, excitement and variety to feel that your relationship is vibrant & sustainable. This means enjoying frequent sexual touch such as fondling the breasts, patting the bottom (SPANKING), stroking the genitals as well as having regular prolonged exciting sex. Downside is this>> Erotic lovers can be rigid & judgemental (probablay what some of us are picking up on). You tend to believe that you are more sophisticated, knowledgeable & flexible than your partner. However, your acceptance of variety only relates to sex with "an edge" activities, but only those that give you a thrill. You tend to be dismissive of quietly sensual & predictable lovemaking ('Vanilla Sex"). Erotic Libido types can therefore find that their ideal relationship is elusive. Your belief that an erotic sex life is the necessary foundation for a committed relationship can lead you to the conclusion that either your relationship or your partner has a problem if your sex life lacks the exact CHALLENGES you desire.


I would also venture to say many Nice Guys, those not so dominate in the bedroom (sounds like your man).... may fit the SENSUAL LOVER description >>>> Sex for this lover is more about emotional connection & reinforcement of mutual caring, so the focus is less on what is actually done & more on whether your partner is willing to be physically intimate & is emotionally present during sex. You describe each other as best friends , you look for time together & are happy in each others company , you want sex to be an extension of this, with an easy familiarity & comfortable atmosphere & the most important aspect of sex is knowing that your partner looks forward to physical intimacy as much as you do. This is the man with the SLOW hand and the EASY Touch.

Book talks about 10 differnt libido types... Sensual, Erotic, Compulsive, Dependent, Stressed, Disinterested, Detached, Addictive, Entitled, and Reactive.

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Hes got to masterbate a bit after to get to the point that we can follow from the wall passion sorta speak
My question would be...how old is he? And I wonder if he is materbating too much , then when he gets with you, his Girlfriend...his sex drive is not raging enough , so he needs the extra stimulation to get hard again. Not all men can get hard just by "passion" though -especially if they are older, they DO need the extra stimulation -unless they haven't had sex in a while and are really dying for it, in need somehow.
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Old 02-29-2012, 11:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does anyone know of this feeling?

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Originally Posted by lil sas View Post
I have a question about sex and hoping that i can get a reply on this. As a couple you are to listen to what your partner is needing and wanting .. right? Lemme say a bit so you can follow me a bit easier. So , my bf and I are tryin to be attentive to each others needs in the bedroom. Im more of a spontanous lover , where he is rather a schedualed lover. I tell him it dont do much for me to have a calender to follow , and sometimes I would like some throw ya against the wall kinda play. He told me that hes not really into that kind of sex and dont do much for him.. ugh ! Now heres where it starts.. he tries to do this once in a while and its not that I dont want to give him credit for at least trying cuz i so do respect the effort.. but.. its so not the same as if you were with a man who gets turned on like you do.. It becomes with no feeling or emotion.. and to make things worse , it dont even get him aroused in that area.. so what is the verdict here? Hes got to masterbate a bit after to get to the point that we can follow from the wall passion sorta speak.. and when i say throw against the wall .. I DONT mean crazy .. I just mean , take your women and show her you want her and you love her .. yah yah .. kinda like the movies.. lol . So , with that said, Im confused how to feel. I dont want to pretend just like I dont want him to .. now what?
I mostly just wanted to offer my sympathy and let you know that I understand what you're feeling; you don't want him to just do the action, you want him to WANT to do the action. I feel your pain on that one. My partner has been having libido problems and, when he initiates sex with me, it's very clear that he is not "into it" the way I am (even has erection problems, as you mentioned) and is simply doing it as a relationship obligation to keep me happy. I don't want him to think I don't appreciate his effort, but it's simply not enough. You need to feel wanted, desired, sexy! You want him to be turned on by you and into you. You're looking for passion and excitement. I feel you, girl.
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Old 02-29-2012, 11:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does anyone know of this feeling?

I'm having libido mismatch and other issues with my boyfriend of five years. We're about to start couples therapy, but I'm totally ordering this book off Amazon now. Thanks for the tip.
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