Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
This isnt gonna be popular, but dont say or do a damn thing! Trust me, she knows she has gained weight and she hates it more then you do.
She knows. SHE KNOWS!
She will lose it when she finds the motivation and will power. At times that can be harder then you would ever think. I know that many women are 'stress eaters.' If thats the case, and other things at home arent what they should be, that could be part of the issue. If shes not a stress eater.. it could any number of other things.
Sometimes, if its a daily, (or minute by minute) struggle to stay thin...you just get tired of fighting it all the time. After years and years of it... sometimes you just want to be able to eat what you want. And sometimes it can get carried away. Who knows...... but she knows and doesnt like it.
Try being more supportive of her and all that she does for the marriage. Offer more help with things. Love on her. Be a good husband.
If you become critical, or even play the subtle little games to get her to 'be more healthy' it will only backfire on you. And she will see through what you are doing. This would be the perfect way to put a screeching halt to any sex you are currently having.
Dont mention it. Dont mention anything that could possibly relate to it. IF, and only IF she says something about it that seems like she wants support from you in her efforts to get healtier, ask he what you can do to help, and then do whatever she says. Be supportive, thats all. Supportive. Dont make faces at her if you see her eating something you think she shouldnt. Dont roll your eyes at her if she doesnt want to go for a walk with you. Supportive, be supportive at all times. Not judgmental!
You love her, right? You married her because you love her. You had a child with her because you love her. Does a few extra lbs change that?
Ya know... life hands us all sorts of challenges and if this one is going to cause you major problems, you are in for a rocky ride at some point. Be careful.
As an overweight woman, I may have some insight on this subject. It's easier for guys to maintain a certain weight because of body chemistry than women. Our metabolisms fight us every step of the way as we get older. In order for us to maintain a svelte weight, we would have to work out for two hours a day, seven days a week, and eat rabbit food constantly. lol.
That said, there are things that you can do to encourage her without playing games. Tell her she's beautiful because regardless of a few pounds, she is still that beautiful woman you married and she should know that you still think so. Make time to go out on dates together.
Oh, and guess what? Sex burns 300 calories an hour, so instead of decreasing your sexual activity, increase it and you'll both burn off more calories. Some women are motivated by wanting to keep looking good for their spouse and some aren't. Maybe some reassurance from you will make her think a little bit. Most of us don't respond to negative stimulation, I know I don't.
Find the parts of her body that drive you wild. Maybe she has some extra weight around her middle, but her legs are still shapely and her neck and shoulders are pretty. Maybe she still has a killer rack but a little more junk in her trunk. There is still plenty about her to turn you on if you just think about it.
These are just suggestions and I hope maybe something here is helpful for you.
It's too bad that we don't have more realistic images of women used in the barrage of media crap we get thrown at us all the time.
@Bubba ~
Has your wife ever been much of an exercise enthusiast or health nut? There are some people that just hate to exercise with a passion - just didn't know if she has always been that kind of person it might be unreasonable to expect her to turn in to one - at least not unless that passion develops within herself.
It isn't unreasonable to be concerned about her health, though. And I always think that is the most positive way to approach a spouse about weight gain. If you approach it as only losing attraction and what you are missing out on, then your wife may feel that you only see her as a body for you to use and you aren't seeing all of the other important parts that also make her up. If you approach it as a health issue - and a family one at that, then you are all in the same boat together.
Do you know what has caused her to gain the weight? Does she use food as an emotional crutch in her life? Does she have time to herself to actually exercise? Does she have a lot of stressors in her life?
Many times people need to address these internal issues within themselves before they are able to lose - and most importantly - keep off the weight. They have to work any of those internal emotional issues and they have to learn how to manage food in their life appropriately.
And the best thing you can do is to always be a good role model, and supportive to her efforts.
Hi Bubba have you thought about maybe suggesting yall start riding bikes together or walking at nite or have others have mentioned doing fun type dates that involve physical activity of some type. Me and wife and 2 daughters ride bikes together alot its fun and great exercise.
She will lose it when she finds the motivation and will power.
While that's true, I think that one person standing by and offering no help while the other gains weight isn't a good strategy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesmith
Try being more supportive of her and all that she does for the marriage. Offer more help with things. Love on her. Be a good husband.
I agree with your point on stress eating. But the OP has said she eats well and just doesn't exercise. And him loving her more won't get her off the couch. I think he needs to do something to get her off the couch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesmith
You love her, right? You married her because you love her. You had a child with her because you love her. Does a few extra lbs change that?
It won't change his love for her. But, it does change the relationship. His wife's weight has gone up 23%. Her BMI has gone from normal, to squarely in the overweight range. That has, understandably, changed his sexual attraction to his wife. And that's something that's not easy to paper over in a marriage.
I would expect a similar post from his wife is the OP lost his job and made no effort to find another one. I wouldn't ask if a few dollars changed her love for him. I would absolutely expect her view of her husband to be negatively affected.
I know that women struggle with their weight more than men. And I know that they're sensitive about it. But the OP isn't saying that his wife is killing herself trying to lose weight, isn't successful, and he wants to leave her over it. He's saying she's making little effort to lose weight, and he wants to help her.
Thank god ap addressed suesmith`s terrible suggestions.
Just love and support her . . . all the way to the funeral home.
bubba, people here suggested I do nothing when my wife began to pack it on as well and now she has packed on even more. They suggested that I invite her to run with me but she had made no effort to join in while she eats unhealthy and fattening foods.
I`m about to toss out the butter, chips, etc etc.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy, toned attractive partner (can you believe I actually had to type that!). I believe it`s only right that if you take time out to stay fit and take care so your partner should reciprocate.
Life is too short to be overweight, depressed and lonely.
This isnt gonna be popular, but dont say or do a damn thing! Trust me, she knows she has gained weight and she hates it more then you do.
She knows. SHE KNOWS!
She will lose it when she finds the motivation and will power. At times that can be harder then you would ever think. I know that many women are 'stress eaters.' If thats the case, and other things at home arent what they should be, that could be part of the issue. If shes not a stress eater.. it could any number of other things.
Sometimes, if its a daily, (or minute by minute) struggle to stay thin...you just get tired of fighting it all the time. After years and years of it... sometimes you just want to be able to eat what you want. And sometimes it can get carried away. Who knows...... but she knows and doesnt like it.
Try being more supportive of her and all that she does for the marriage. Offer more help with things. Love on her. Be a good husband.
If you become critical, or even play the subtle little games to get her to 'be more healthy' it will only backfire on you. And she will see through what you are doing. This would be the perfect way to put a screeching halt to any sex you are currently having.
Dont mention it. Dont mention anything that could possibly relate to it. IF, and only IF she says something about it that seems like she wants support from you in her efforts to get healtier, ask he what you can do to help, and then do whatever she says. Be supportive, thats all. Supportive. Dont make faces at her if you see her eating something you think she shouldnt. Dont roll your eyes at her if she doesnt want to go for a walk with you. Supportive, be supportive at all times. Not judgmental!
You love her, right? You married her because you love her. You had a child with her because you love her. Does a few extra lbs change that?
Ya know... life hands us all sorts of challenges and if this one is going to cause you major problems, you are in for a rocky ride at some point. Be careful.
Sorry.. .but this is one of my pet peeves.
I looooooove this....I am one of those people whose weight goes up and down all the time because for me it is a daily struggle. I have to eat like a bird all day, every day and try and find time to work out, which I do as often as I can.
You're right, I know that I've gained weight, I have a mirror, I see it and I hate it, but working on it day after day after day gets soooo old. Sitting there eating a salad or ham rolls for dinner while my H and kids eat a big dinner sucks. Then when my H sits down at night he can eat a whole tube of cinnamon rolls or half a box of cookies.....he has a 6-pack, figures! LOL But he has a lot of factors in his favor, he has a very high metabolism, has always been stick skinny (Now very muscular, it's hot ), has a physical job and works out....
But I agree completely, she knows and she will lose in her own time, she has to do it on her own. Not saying that you can't suggest more physical activities. During the summer my H is always taking me and the kids to the beach or hiking or something physical, but it's fun and we all have a good time and it also gives us a chance to hang as a family without electronics!!! lol
I think a significant point that needs to be reiterated here is that for the partner that exercises they are actually alienated by the other partner who does not exercise, although they may actually be eating healthy, leading a reasonably active lifestyle, etc.
Without the intense aerobic exercise (can`t stress this enough), diet and other factors willécan not cut it. A challenging, regular workout is needed in order to have a body that does justice to what you love about yourself and what your active partner desires to see reflecting the person they love.
For every wife who tells us her sexuality is slightly more complex than Romulan calculus there's some guy who's just lost the spark for her. To me that seems fair.
6Likes
Re: Losing Attraction to My Wife 
), has a physical job and works out....
