Enchantment

Well, how do you two connect outside of sex? Do you have interests and activities you do together? Do you talk, laugh, and have fun with each other? Do you have shared goals?

Work on building up ALL aspects of your relationship - not just the sexual side. Sometimes working on those things that are outside the bedroom can have a tremendously positive impact inside the bedroom.

Best wishes.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Threetimesalady

Play it cool...He knows you are sexual and part of him is threatened...He may be having some erectile problems that you do not know of...Men are like that....If it was me I wouldn't push him...Let him make the first move...See what happens....

I can't mention a sex toy in front of my husband...He hates them and I believe feels threatened by them...I only found them seven years ago and the first time I used Eric my Eroscillator I asked him to come in and watch...He wouldn't...Told me never to mention that thing again....So I told him that I wouldn't and when I need some relief to finger me...That he does....You may want to try this as it does lead to more...

I know how you feel...I walk the same walk with you, but you must try and curb your want....Be careful with the masturbating...Sometimes too much awakening can make it worse....Give him a bit of space and see how it goes...Take care....

crossbar

Hey, ain't no same in that game. One time I wanted to get busy with the wife and she said no because she had a sinus headache...so, I went into one of the rooms in the house and locked the door and....let my imagination take over. And why is it that when you want that kind of alone time, THAT'S the time they come looking for you?

She comes to the door and knocks, I get up and open it. She asked, "Why is the door locked? What are you doing?"

I looked at her and I was honest. I said, "masterbating"

There was some stunned silence and then she walked away saying, "Oh my God, REALLY?!?!?"

I mean what did she want me to say?

Mrs. T

LOL...maybe she'll think twice before turning you down next time. I'm smiling real big right now because the same has happened to me, the ex husband was being a butt so I went into the bedroom, locked the door and got out the vibrator. I didn't open the door when he asked what I was doing I just remarked that I was "doing my hare"...(rabbit vibrator, hare...get it?) He didn't see the humor in my remark...

__________________
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

2nd_t!me iz_best

lol
good one

diwali123

We do a lot together. We text all day every day, we like to watch movies together, we have three kids between us and we spend a lot of time with them too. Sometimes it is difficult finding the time to do things together because of the kids. But we can usually talk about anything and everything. Last night we talked about it, he said he's not having erection problems, he kept saying he didn't know why he wasn't in the mood. I think it's due to stress. We ended up talking about what sex means to us and I told him it feels to me like we're connecting on a deeper level, it's not just two bodies and I love seeing him in pleasure. We ended up having great sex.
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shy_guy

Glad to hear that worked out. Hopefully, that's a good, positive first step on the journey.

Trickster

My wife and I have been together for 20 years now. married for 12. I always had a higher sex drive. For the first 18 years, sex was 3 times a month or so..I never pushed it . I would always tell her "I am going to relieve myself" She would always say... "OK" then 30 minutes later she would come in the room.

Recently all that has changed. I was almost ready to leave her. Instead, I decided to me more aggressive. Whenever I wanted sex, I let her know and started to almost force myself on her...(not in a bad way... Just different than what she was used to). She seems to enjoy it. She wonered what took it so long to be the way that it is now. Almost like we wasted 18 years of sex.

Now it's 3 times a week or so. Sometimes I think sex is the only reason I am staying. We never had that at the beginning. We may actually get the love back.

Maybe just attack your husband more often. I refuse to relieve myself now. I want my wife to be part of that. Let your husband be part of that for you. Don't waste the many years that I did.

diwali123

I have been aggressive. I've put on lingerie, got on top of him, started grabbing his crotch..other times just got naked when it was time to go to bed, hugged him and rubbed against him. If he's not in the mood, he's not in the mood. It's very frustrating for me. I can't turn him on if he's not into it. I just end up feeling rejected and foolish, he ends up feeling bad for letting me down.
I think we need to talk about all of this with a counselor.
I think he just likes being the pursuer. And me throwing myself at him does no good.
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bandit.45

Get with a sex therapist. Sounds like you are on the way in the communication department.

Were you the first woman he was ever intimate with? If not, I wonder if he had a bad experience with another woman before he met you, and his ego took a hit. Sh*t like that can haunt a guy his whole life.

diwali123

He's only been with me and his ex wife. Their sex life consisted of him trying to get her off and if he couldn't she got mad at him. So yeah. Or she would go through phases where she didn't want to have sex at all, and he tried to get her to go to a doctor. And the odd thing is she sold sex toys at those house parties.
So how do I help him to get over that? It's like his sex life has done a 180 to being with someone who wants it 3x a week, comes easily and has many orgasms, squirts, and is open to a lot of things. I think at first he loved it but obviously it's bothering him now.
Also his ex was the one who wanted out and she would complain about their sex life and asked him if they could swing or have other partners, she would make out with chicks and he caught her flashing her tits to a bunch of guys at a party. She would go out with friends to bars and not tell him where she was, then get mad that he was trying to control her because he wanted to know what she was doing.
Then after they separated they lived in different rooms and she started going out sleeping around. She ended up with a boyfriend six months after they agreed to separate.
So he's had his manhood kicked in the groin. I don't know how to convince him that I'm not going to do the same thing. It's complicated because he told me that he loved going down on me. Well before the wedding that just stopped and I told him I just don't want to live like this, and can't he at least please try? So I probably made things worse. He's done it once since then.
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diwali123

I think I'm going to tell him tonight that I'm going to put a moratorium on him giving me oral for four months. That will take the pressure off and then we'll have time to talk about it counseling, and he will see that he is more important to me and I'm not going to leave like his ex did. Guys what do you think?
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Trickster

You mentioned separate bedrooms... Back before I became aggressive, I went to our guest bedroom several times a week. That was my passive aggressive stage. I figured if we werent going to have any romance, we were living like roomate. So, I decided to sleep in the other room alot. Usually I would just say that I wasn't tired and wanted to read. She never took the hint until I let her know what I wanted. That was the time when I was about to leave. Fortunately that didn't happen.

I don't believe you made things worse.

On TAM I hear a lot about the 180. I kind of did that. I didn't care at all if we had sex or not. I treated her as if she was just a roommate. I even sat on a different couch in the evening while watching TV.

Eventually, you will find something to wake him up to your needs. You can always tie him up and make him go down on you?

Trickster

moratorium on oral? I love it!

diwali123

I doubt he would want me to tie him up. Im not going to orally rape my spouse. Or anyone.
I don't think he gets that one of his emotional needs is spending time together and that's not as important to me as sex. I could stop spending time with him as much, which is what I would have to do if I start masturbating alone. I just want to relax and do it. It's hard when I feel self conscious or like he's sulking in the other room.
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