I like that you right with such honesty and directness. You have both been through a terrible ordeal.
I think you need to try to show your wife physical love because she is your wife.
And I think you are also entitled to try to make this easy on yourself. It is ok to:
- Have the lights dim - or use candles
- Have a couple glasses of wine
- While you get started, think back to how your W looked at the beginning
If your W is offended by the lights, you just use a soft tone and say "baby, this has been a rough go, lets be romantic and gentle with each other".
And you need to start going on walks together and get the junk food out of the house. Stick with the phrase "I want US to be healthy and fit, lets do it together".
If she presses you about the fat - just laugh and say "you are alive, now lets both exercise to be healthy".
I google and I google over and over to try and find people with a similar problem as mine, with few relevant results (just a study made in an asian country). Found this forum 1h ago, and decided to try.
I'm 27, my wife 26. 2 years ago my wife was diagnosed breast cancer. She was treated, made a mastectomy, on one breast and so far so good. All the test in the past 6 month have been positive.
However, we spent a lot of time without sex, and we tried to start all over, with catastrophic results. Sex is real bad.
I feel like a scumbag writing, or even thinking this, but I'm a bit desperate here.
I love her with all my heart, I like to be with her, I like her company, she is terrific. However she wants to return to sex, and I don't feel any sexual drive. She gained a lot of weight, she still hasn't done the plastic surgery... And I've been with her all the way, I saw the wound, I shaved her head, I passed cream over the scar...
I don't know if my general feelings are of a coward or of a scumbag who expected his wife to be some hot babe.
She was very direct, and one day asked if I found her ugly if I lost interest in her. I lied, of course. But the fact is that probably I did.
Has anyone lived such an experience? How do you cope with that?