I have been married to my husband for 3 years dated for two before marriage. When we both met we both smoked pot on a regular basis. He has smoked pot all of his adult life he is 30 and me some in college and on occasion since then I am 38. Recently, I have been drifting away from smoking wondering how much it really makes sense in my life these days. We have two children together. Our pot smoking has now resorted to us having a joint together after the children are asleep and then we usually have sex. My husband smokes pot alot more than me, sometimes during his lunch breaks at work or even in the morning. I have confronted him about how I hate when he does this during work. I am beginning to learn that he may have other addictions (porn). Most recently, I went on a fast from pot and gave myself a timeline to just clear my head without smoking at all. I have found that when I don't smoke, I am not sexually attracted to him. I want to be honest with him and communicate this with him but I am not sure if it will hurt his feelings, also beginning to think that this could be a more serious issue of me just getting sick of the pot smoking and wanting to focus on other things. Can someone offer advice to this??
The age difference between you is not huge, but could be enough to cause a significant difference of opinion on the subject - meaning, you're 38 and are looking at the big picture of your life (your children, responsibility, future), and he is 30 and is still thinking like he did when you met him in his mid-20's (plenty of time to "settle down and get serious" so why start now?).
I think it really is time to have an honest discussion with him about this, since it is affecting his job and your opinion of him. Be honest about how your views have changed, particularly since having children. Be honest about your fears. And be honest about how it is impacting your views on sex with him.
Make sure you are clear on how you feel though. Don't confuse his smoking pot with other problems you are having (porn). Make sure that your loss of attraction to him is pot-related before you blame it on pot - is the porn a bigger issue in losing attraction for him? Also, think about whether you were ever attracted to him in the first place without the pot - was there a time when you first met that you didn't smoke pot but wanted to have sex with him? If not, you might not have been attracted to him, period, but the pot served to cover that up.
You have to lay it out on the table in a marriage, and you have to be open to compromise. Listen to his perspective as well - he might see it as you suddenly changing the rules if you were generally ok with pot smoking for the first few years of your relationship. If he's not willing to consider what's going on between you and how it's related to his overuse, then you have to make some tough decisions about what you can and cannot live with.