Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I used to smoke a good bit, every day for awhile. Now I've cut back to only when it's offered to me, usually at a gig or band practice.
It's too expensive, at least the kind you want to smoke, and there' a baby in the house.. I enjoy a good buzz here and there, but I'd never live with myself, or my wife, if something bad happened with the baby on my watch because i was stoned.
I could see myself smoking on a daily basis when in a nursing home, and by that time it'll be legal right? I just have too much to do. After I stopped and would try it a few months later I just got paranoid and I was so tired. If someone has a disease that it helps, fine. I just see a lot of people I've known use it to avoid reality, to avoid responsibility and put barriers up in relationships. I just didn't know if that's the road the OP's spouse is going down. Posted via Mobile Device
In general I think the drug laws in most of North America is foolish and counterproductive.
At its worse Pot is a public health problem. Anyone not blinded by ideology and or ignorance can see that the criminal justice system is an expensive, unjust and most of all ineffective way of dealing with it.
I haven't tried it in 20 years and don't care if I never have it again, but I am not trying to run everyone else's life.
Occasional of even regular use is okay with me but don't think I would like to date or marry a woman who smoked it constantly for many of the same reasons that I wouldn't want to be with a woman who heavily used tobacco or alcohol.
Lionel, that is why I am so glad to live in Canada.
Of course, some of the laws around weed are very contradictory up here. One can carry up to 3 grams, but they cannot have those grams in tiny bags or risk being charged with possession with intent to distribute. If a dealer is caught with lots of cash and a scale, they can also be charged with trafficking even if they have no drugs on them.
It is still illegal to buy and sell weed that does not come from the compassion clubs, which distribute ganja to those with government cards. Cops in Canada are not interested in those who smoke weed or even sell small amounts. The police want the kingpins who have the grow ops, so that they can just go up the chain of command when they shake down small time dealers.
I have been married to my husband for 3 years dated for two before marriage. When we both met we both smoked pot on a regular basis. He has smoked pot all of his adult life he is 30 and me some in college and on occasion since then I am 38. Recently, I have been drifting away from smoking wondering how much it really makes sense in my life these days. We have two children together. Our pot smoking has now resorted to us having a joint together after the children are asleep and then we usually have sex. My husband smokes pot alot more than me, sometimes during his lunch breaks at work or even in the morning. I have confronted him about how I hate when he does this during work. I am beginning to learn that he may have other addictions (porn). Most recently, I went on a fast from pot and gave myself a timeline to just clear my head without smoking at all. I have found that when I don't smoke, I am not sexually attracted to him. I want to be honest with him and communicate this with him but I am not sure if it will hurt his feelings, also beginning to think that this could be a more serious issue of me just getting sick of the pot smoking and wanting to focus on other things. Can someone offer advice to this??
The age difference between you is not huge, but could be enough to cause a significant difference of opinion on the subject - meaning, you're 38 and are looking at the big picture of your life (your children, responsibility, future), and he is 30 and is still thinking like he did when you met him in his mid-20's (plenty of time to "settle down and get serious" so why start now?).
I think it really is time to have an honest discussion with him about this, since it is affecting his job and your opinion of him. Be honest about how your views have changed, particularly since having children. Be honest about your fears. And be honest about how it is impacting your views on sex with him.
Make sure you are clear on how you feel though. Don't confuse his smoking pot with other problems you are having (porn). Make sure that your loss of attraction to him is pot-related before you blame it on pot - is the porn a bigger issue in losing attraction for him? Also, think about whether you were ever attracted to him in the first place without the pot - was there a time when you first met that you didn't smoke pot but wanted to have sex with him? If not, you might not have been attracted to him, period, but the pot served to cover that up.
You have to lay it out on the table in a marriage, and you have to be open to compromise. Listen to his perspective as well - he might see it as you suddenly changing the rules if you were generally ok with pot smoking for the first few years of your relationship. If he's not willing to consider what's going on between you and how it's related to his overuse, then you have to make some tough decisions about what you can and cannot live with.
The last I checked any form of smoke that enters the lungs is harmful to your health!! Not to mention coughing, runny eyes, nasty smells, etc.
From what I've learned about this drug it is used a lot as a 'sex aid' to lower a women's inhibitions although this depends on the 'quality' of the product. The OP might now find without its use invisible walls are being built up again and your partner is being resented as 'having more freedom'. This is a bigger issue than drugs and I think goes back to what the OP applies as core morals surrounding the marriage. Switch drugs with the word porn or affairs and you may understand what I mean.
Dear, I think you have trained yourself to relate marijuana to sexual attraction. If you had sex while high for years and years, you've mentally linked the two. Now take one away, and don't be surprised when the other goes too!
If you're getting out of the habit of smoking before sex, you will need to go through the change in process, retraining yourself.
I have different take on this, but I'm not sure if it applies to your situation. My wife and I used to smoke pot. We were daily users in our 20's. We stopped when my wife became pregnant and then we just lost interest. Guess what? Once we stopped smoking we had less in common. It turns out that I'm a motivated guy when I'm not smoking. I exercise, eat right, read more, focus on goals and my emotions are solid. My wife - not so much. I was less attracted to my wife after we stopped because I could no longer relate to her way of thinking and lost some respect. Even though she wasn't smoking anymore I began to see her for the person she really was and unfortunately I was disappointed. If you've been smoking daily for a long time you simply cannot be thinking clearly. I am not judging. I speak from experience.
Maybe you're not attracted to your husband now because you can really see him.....