Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Someone suggested that there be a men's version of LadyFrog's thread, so I thought I'd bite. These are rules I try really hard to live by.. I am no master, but I feel like if I could get these things down it would go a long way in my marriage.
Unless you are asleep or sick, never reject your wife's advances! Don't ever blow her off; think about when it would be reasonable for your wife to turn you down, and when you would be upset. if you absolutely can't, offer a rain-check for the soonest possible time you can do it.
Unless your wife just hates it, get really good at oral and do it as often as she will let you. Real men love going down on their wives. There is lots of written material on the subject if you feel like being cerebral about it; but more often than not, your instinct is your best guide. It's all about the golden rule here.. do unto others.
Don't ever resort to begging for sex; learn to seize a good opportunity and make it happen. Easier said than done!
Limit masturbation and porn habits to a bare minimum if any at all; the last thing you want is to already be spent when your willing wife is ready for you. Save it for cold spells when you know you're not going to get any, and even then, porn is sadly overrated and plays tricks on your mind.
Don't whine when you don't always get your way. At the same time, stand up for yourself. Your needs and desires are legitimate, and as long as you aren't a scumbag, your wife should be meeting them as much as is reasonably possible. It's hard to convey this without coming across as needy or whiny; I'm open to suggestions for how to do this!
my first two points are easyfor me. I can't imagine turning my wife down for sex, asleep or awake... but if my wife was really really HD it might be more of a challenge. And oral is yummy, on me and on her.
I'll also add that
watching romantic chick flicks with your wife, glee, or anything that turns your wife on, however lame you think it is, will often help you out in the bedroom later.
Also, upgrade your wardrobe. There's a fairly good chance that most of your clothes suck. And if she wants to dress you like a Ken doll, relax, be a good sport and enjoy the attention.
1. Don't stop dating your wife. Keep doing the types of stuff you did when you first pursued her and made her feel special. Don't stop doing that.
2. Avoid loosing the guy she married. It is all to easy to get drawn into the job of being a husband and father. This often means the fun qualities that attracted her in the first place get placed to the side. While some of that is necessary, don't loose all of them. She liked them in the beginning, so make sure that you keep some of them to keep her attracted.
Someone suggested that there be a men's version of LadyFrog's thread, so I thought I'd bite. These are rules I try really hard to live by.. I am no master, but I feel like if I could get these things down it would go a long way in my marriage.
Unless you are asleep or sick, never reject your wife's advances! Don't ever blow her off; think about when it would be reasonable for your wife to turn you down, and when you would be upset. if you absolutely can't, offer a rain-check for the soonest possible time you can do it.
Unless your wife just hates it, get really good at oral and do it as often as she will let you. Real men love going down on their wives. There is lots of written material on the subject if you feel like being cerebral about it; but more often than not, your instinct is your best guide. It's all about the golden rule here.. do unto others.
Don't ever resort to begging for sex; learn to seize a good opportunity and make it happen. Easier said than done!
Limit masturbation and porn habits to a bare minimum if any at all; the last thing you want is to already be spent when your willing wife is ready for you. Save it for cold spells when you know you're not going to get any, and even then, porn is sadly overrated and plays tricks on your mind.
Don't whine when you don't always get your way. At the same time, stand up for yourself. Your needs and desires are legitimate, and as long as you aren't a scumbag, your wife should be meeting them as much as is reasonably possible. It's hard to convey this without coming across as needy or whiny; I'm open to suggestions for how to do this!
Call me a contrarian. What a crock!!!! Of course every decent man does all the above. Does it really matter if your wife says no....
Let me add..... Make sure she has an orgasm (or two) everytime and it is all about her.
How about adding silly things, like brush your teeth, continue to be hygienic, be the primary breadwinner, maintain your appearance, be loving, attentive, emotionally available, cleanly, buy little things such as flowers & surprises on a consistent basis.......
Don't forget that foreplay starts not when you get in bed, but 168 to 336 hours in advance, and make sure you do or don't do any of the following to ruin the mood:
leave the toilet seat up
leave crumbs on the counter
spill anything on the floor
say anything your spouse disagrees with to the kids
watch her shows patiently (that you are indifferent to), while limiting your sports watching or the dreck you watch that she finds distasteful
make sure the house is clean and that you've done at least your share so she doesn't tell you about what you haven't done
all the chores & lists she's made for you have been completed
understand that she is not always in the mood, but that 20th load of laundry with 8 pairs of socks and 2 shirts have to be tended to and that sex is on the backburner until it is done, or have tired her out and now she can't find the time or the moment has past
8 hours of sleep minimum (7:45 after a quick 15 minute romp) will result in her being exhausted the next day
keep boys time to a minimum, which includes recreation or fun
Never question a purchase or when she wants to spend money on something you think isn't necessary or required
Listen to her and while you may disagree, bite your tongue or very carefully make comments, without ever saying she may be wrong
Once you've followed those rules, you may have sex and then start the clock again (ie. foreplay).....
Call me a contrarian. What a crock!!!! Of course every decent man does all the above. Does it really matter if your wife says no....
Let me add..... Make sure she has an orgasm (or two) everytime and it is all about her.
How about adding silly things, like brush your teeth, continue to be hygienic, be the primary breadwinner
Don't forget that foreplay starts not when you get in bed, but 168 to 336 hours in advance, and make sure you don't do any of the following to ruin the mood:
leave the toilet seat up
leave crumbs on the counter
spill anything on the floor
say anything your spouse disagrees with to the kids
watch her shows patiently (that you are indifferent to), while limiting your sports watching or the dreck you watch that she finds distasteful
make sure the house is clean and theat you've done at least your share so she doesn't tell you about what you haven't done
all the chores & lists she's made for you have been completed
understand that she is not always in the mood, but that 20th load of laundry with 8 pairs of socks and 2 shirts hve to be tended to and that sex is on the backburner until it is done
8 hours of sleep minimum (7:45 after a quick 15 minute romp) will result in her being exhausted the next day
keep boys time to a minimum, which includes recreation or fun
Never question a purchase or when he ants to spend money on something you think isn't necessary or required
Listen to her and while you may disagree, bite your tongue or very carefully make comments, without ever saying she may be wrong
Once you've followed those rules, you may have sex and then start the clock again.....
Sounds like you're married to my husband's ex-wife!
Don't forget that foreplay starts not when you get in bed, but 168 to 336 hours in advance, and make sure you don't do any of the following to ruin the mood:
leave the toilet seat up
leave crumbs on the counter
spill anything on the floor
say anything your spouse disagrees with to the kids
watch her shows patiently (that you are indifferent to), while limiting your sports watching or the dreck you watch that she finds distasteful
make sure the house is clean and theat you've done at least your share so she doesn't tell you about what you haven't done
all the chores & lists she's made for you have been completed
understand that she is not always in the mood, but that 20th load of laundry with 8 pairs of socks and 2 shirts hve to be tended to and that sex is on the backburner until it is done
8 hours of sleep minimum (7:45 after a quick 15 minute romp) will result in her being exhausted the next day
keep boys time to a minimum, which includes recreation or fun
Never question a purchase or when he ants to spend money on something you think isn't necessary or required
Listen to her and while you may disagree, bite your tongue or very carefully make comments, without ever saying she may be wrong
Once you've followed those rules, you may have sex and then start the clock again.....
LOL
NO you forgot, the golden rule, if you follow all the rules, then that is just being manipulative and of course sex is out of the question because that is just a turn off.
NO you forgot, the golden rule, if you follow all the rules, then that is just being manipulative and of course sex is out of the question because that is just a turn off.
And I do have sex...... But my wife knows exactly why I do all the above. Still I screw up any of those rules and it's back to square one making up from any egregious error I committed.
And I do have sex...... But my wife knows exactly why I do all the above. Still I screw up any of those rules and it's back to square one making up from any egregious error I committed.
Please tell me you are joking. Women like this can't possibly exist...
Please tell me you are joking. Women like this can't possibly exist...
And how old are you (or how long together and with children)? I am shocked to believe that there women like you and other s on TAM posting about their wonderful/open active sex lives after 20+ years.
My wife would then ask what self esteem issues you have to put up with that.
And how old are you (or how long together and with children)? I am shocked to believe that there women like you and other s on TAM posting about their wonderful/open active sex lives after 20+ years.
My wife would then ask what self esteem issues you have to put up with that.
Wow, if that is how she viewed sex, that would end it for me. I don't need that kind of self-abuse.
And how old are you (or how long together and with children)? I am shocked to believe that there women like you and other s on TAM posting about their wonderful/open active sex lives after 20+ years.
My wife would then ask what self esteem issues you have to put up with that.
You've got to be kidding me...I'm 41, married 6 months, and our sex life is in the toilet. You must have me confused with someone else, because if there's one thing I've never posted about, it's how wonderful my sex life is.
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'What's worked for me' - the man version 
Of course every decent man does all the above. Does it really matter if your wife says no....
