Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,863
Why do you come here?
Let's pull this discussion out from another thread and give people a chance to really express this.
I won't make this a poll because I don't think there is any way I can cover all options.
I haven't hidden my reasons if you want to look, but for the purposes of this thread, I'd like for other people to give their reasons without being influenced by mine if they haven't already read. I'll post mine later in the thread.
So why do you come here, read, and/or post? I'm interested in both the ones who are viewed as helpful, and the ones who only feel they can ask questions. Many of us would like to know.
Initially, to imporve my marriage. I had started, on my own, to do some of things recommended in MMSL and around here, but with no real focus. I found this place while doing some searches, and it gave a lot of guidance to what I was doing and wanted.
I continue to come here to learn and to support others.
I come here to focus, to get advice and for emotional support from people who have nothing to gain/lose by giving their honest opinion. It also helps to hear from both sides(ws and bs). Helps me get in his mind a bit.
I'm coming as a newly (about 16 months) married guy looking to compare notes, gain perspective, learn what works and what doesn't. Yesterday I looked back on my first post and was surprised to see both how far and how little I've come! There's such a wide range of experience around here, and I've learned from some people that my situation could be much, much worse.
But then some of you, (you know who you are!), have these fairytale sex lives and it makes me sick with envy which I'm not sure is healthy.
I tend to be here either if I'm going through a rough spot, or if I'm not engrossed in something else. I disappeared for a few months when I discovered the Game of Thrones series!
Let's pull this discussion out from another thread and give people a chance to really express this.
I won't make this a poll because I don't think there is any way I can cover all options.
I haven't hidden my reasons if you want to look, but for the purposes of this thread, I'd like for other people to give their reasons without being influenced by mine if they haven't already read. I'll post mine later in the thread.
So why do you come here, read, and/or post? I'm interested in both the ones who are viewed as helpful, and the ones who only feel they can ask questions. Many of us would like to know.
Good stuff. I haven't ever posted my own thread, maybe I will some time, but I came here to try and get some info to help me fix my marriage. We've gone through a rough patch and though it seems to be improving, we continue to struggle. Much of it has to do with my wife going through a hard time following a death in the family, and responding to it by having her own sort of mid-life crisis though we're too young for that. This has resulted in her saying and doing things very harmful to our marriage. Anyway, once I got here I've found that in addition to the great reading and advice for myself, I've found plenty of opportunities to post advice of my own, having been married just long enough to pretend I know what I'm doing.
I initially found this forum to keep my reconciliation on the right track. It helped and after all that we went through in our marriage, I can hopefully pay it forward and give someone else some good advice, let them learn from my experiences and mistakes.
I also get some pretty good tips from others on how to continue to be a better husband, friend and lover to my wife.
I learned about the Magic Wand (hallelujah!) and lots of other cool things.
And sometimes, this forum is just funny. It can always make me smile, but once in a while, I get a good laugh out of it.
I love psychology, and I enjoy seeing unvarnished opinions about relationships. My husband claims that I am being a voyeur by peeking through the window at other people's lives, and I guess that is true, but I love hearing how others solve their relationship problems.
It also never ceases to amaze me how different people can have such different opinions on the same situation. A good reminder that each person sees reality through his/her own lens of bias and experience.
Besides, I have an online crush on some of the posters! Love to hear their wise responses.
Sometimes as a way to vent and cope. Other times as a way to maybe give some perspective and advice to others who have similar issues. Finally, just as a outlet, some of the stuff on here is entertaining.
Found this lovely patch of cyber space googling helplessly because of the problems in my marriage. While here I have been able to get my head around some of the many problems my marriage seemed to face.
I had no idea what to call some of the behaviors we were in and just to have a name for them and hear that we are not the only ones really has restored a lot of hope in me for my marriage.
I find that more then half the time just reading post answers what I wanted to ask so I do not have to post threads. I do like to help where I can so I post advice to add, agree, or disagree on perspective.
And the funny banter that takes place everywhere here some times just gives me a boost on a bad day when I really need a laugh or escape or both.
I really like it here and this is the first forum I have ever been on so I am still learning how it all works
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,863
Re: Why do you come here?
I have a happy and satisfying marriage, and my wife an I normally communicate very openly and directly. However; I had one hangup, and it happened to be something my wife found very hot. I could not even admit to her that I ever masturbated, but she found that to be a turn on. When I finally got the clue that she was turned on by it, I did a Bing search (Yes, Bing, it wasn't Google.) and the first result on the page was the thread on this forum asking "Do women like to watch men masturbate?" From reading the thread, I discovered not only that she wasn't unusual, but I discovered the open discussion here and I loved that.
I decided to give my wife what she wanted as a result of reading that thread.
I lurked for a while on the board, and loved it even more. I finally decided I had learned and should give back since the community was helpful to me ... and I was beginning to think of questions I wanted to ask for myself. I joined, very embarassed to post the story about masturbating for my wife, so I took the name "Shy_Guy" and answered the question of "How do I get my husband to do that?" that some people had asked by just posting my story since my wife was successful with me: Do women like to watch men masturbate?
I love to learn, and the subject of marriage interests me greatly. I stayed to continue to learn both from other people and to post questions of my own that I had. I don't have any training in psychology or relationships, but I do have a happy marriage. I decided that I had my experience I could share in the community for anyone who found it helpful, so that is what I decided I could give back in return for what I was learning on the community.
I like to learn. I like to help. I love the discussion here.
I started out at MMSL. Atol mentioned this place, so I came here to look around.
I liked it here because I felt that it gave a lot of insight into how people really think, no political correctness, no posturing, just "here's what I think - deal with it".
I read the shamwow "book" while on a long train trip. Nice777guy and almostrecovered make me laugh. That_girl's frankness always makes me smile. Some of the stories have touched me deeply, and made me feel helpless and frustrated, because I hate to see good people hurt so badly.
I don't have much in the way of advice, but I try to encourage people in my own little way when I can.
Let's pull this discussion out from another thread and give people a chance to really express this.
I won't make this a poll because I don't think there is any way I can cover all options.
I haven't hidden my reasons if you want to look, but for the purposes of this thread, I'd like for other people to give their reasons without being influenced by mine if they haven't already read. I'll post mine later in the thread.
So why do you come here, read, and/or post? I'm interested in both the ones who are viewed as helpful, and the ones who only feel they can ask questions. Many of us would like to know.
For me.. I came here to try and find a solution for the issues in my marriage. I didn't realize how many other woman out there in the same exact position i was in. This board has been a life saver for me.. even if it was to just vent.. Everyone has been helpful and non judging and that is really hard to find online!!!
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Why do you come here? 
