Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
It's very good when we do it. Just being able to have him that close to me is what makes it good, regardless of position, time spent doing, # of O's, etc...
Yesterday morning was quick...but I'd wanted him so badly and for so long that I came almost right away. It felt great. And a great way to start the day, too.
He worries about finishing quick these days; but I like it because for months, he just couldn't finish with me at all. Anyways, the last few times, he has been able to...so I feel like I'm doing it for him again.
It's very good when we do it. Just being able to have him that close to me is what makes it good, regardless of position, time spent doing, # of O's, etc...
Yesterday morning was quick...but I'd wanted him so badly and for so long that I came almost right away. It felt great. And a great way to start the day, too.
He worries about finishing quick these days; but I like it because for months, he just couldn't finish with me at all. Anyways, the last few times, he has been able to...so I feel like I'm doing it for him again.
Usually we do it about once a month....once a week is history....it is always good...she always climaxes and of course so do I....wish we did more oral, but she says she likes my fingers better....so how old are you guys?
I'm 41, he's 48. We're together 2 years this June, married 6 months tomorrow.
There are many factors involving this sexless stuff...we went through several bad blips in our relationship one after another, but I feel that now we are coming out the other end. Stronger. Sex is the glue to me, so it's very important. To my Husband, not so much.
I'm 41, he's 48. We're together 2 years this June, married 6 months tomorrow.
There are many factors involving this sexless stuff...we went through several bad blips in our relationship one after another, but I feel that now we are coming out the other end. Stronger. Sex is the glue to me, so it's very important. To my Husband, not so much.
We are 60 and 61.....sex has always been more impt to me....you have to look beyond the sex to the other qualities that are impt and will be there when sex issn't...easier said than done though when you are horny...
I'm 41, he's 48. We're together 2 years this June, married 6 months tomorrow.
There are many factors involving this sexless stuff...we went through several bad blips in our relationship one after another, but I feel that now we are coming out the other end. Stronger. Sex is the glue to me, so it's very important. To my Husband, not so much.
LD or not, you're right that sex is the glue. I think its also a barometer of the relationship. Most relationships can't be going great outside the bedroom and terribly inside the bedroom. And I would also think that if things are going great in the bedroom, its probably not going to hell everywhere else. For short periods of time, yes, but not long term.
I try...really I do. I know that sex won't always be there (possibly, anyway) but I hope that my husband is. IE through illness, tough times, etc.
I'm new to all this marriage stuff.
That's one of my many frustrations too. I'm in the prime of my life and I feel like I'm wasting my prime. One or both of us could get sick, something medically or physically happen and the sex life is GONE. Moments to be intimate with your spouse need to be cherished, not squandered. You can't make up for them or get them back. The only guarantee we have about life is that its going to end. It's our job to live it to the fullest, not the dullest.
LD or not, you're right that sex is the glue. I think its also a barometer of the relationship. Most relationships can't be going great outside the bedroom and terribly inside the bedroom. And I would also think that if things are going great in the bedroom, its probably not going to hell everywhere else. For short periods of time, yes, but not long term.
The issue with us is getting in the bedroom more often.....quality=good frequency=bad.....
Then there is the waiting around to see IF she is going to be in the mood.....
The issue with us is getting in the bedroom more often.....quality=good frequency=bad.....
Then there is the waiting around to see IF she is going to be in the mood.....
I HATE that word. What you tell your partner is not that you're not in the mood for sex, its that you aren't in the mood to be together. How can you say you love someone with your words and drop the M word on them when they reach out to you? It's an excuse and form of punishment IMHO. Only if you do XYZ will you make me in the mood to not reject you. Love is not a feeling, its a choice. It's not the words you say(those are important too), but it's what you do that communicate how much you love someone.
My definition of sexless is not about a number but fulfillment. If sex is too infrequent and the sex you do have doesn't satisfy, then I would call that "sexless". I'm sure some would say its no sex at all, but to the person unfulfilled, its the same as no sex. Posted via Mobile Device
Using this definition... we have been sexless for years now. I can't remember the last time she fulfilled me sexually.
As for the act of sex.. maybe twice a year.
She's currently in a state of depression and taking bupropian
I HATE that word. What you tell your partner is not that you're not in the mood for sex, its that you aren't in the mood to be together. How can you say you love someone with your words and drop the M word on them when they reach out to you? It's an excuse and form of punishment IMHO. Only if you do XYZ will you make me in the mood to not reject you. Love is not a feeling, its a choice. It's not the words you say(those are important too), but it's what you do that communicate how much you love someone.
so if you love someone you are supposed to have sex on demand?
so if you love someone you are supposed to have sex on demand?
Not to be harsh, but why so negative? Sex on demand makes it sound like the man has a greasy chicken leg in one hand, beer in the other and then demands a BJ while he watches sportscenter. I'm sure that is how a woman who is hung up on the M word views any sex that they are "forced" into. The point of view is wrong IMHO and only reinforces the lack of desire instead of overcoming it.
If you love someone, having sex whenever either partner is in the mood (short of a physical problem) and there is an opportunity shouldn't be that complicated. Wives or husbands should be thankful that their mate is attracted to them and wants to bond with them. That in and of itself should make the other person automatically in the "mood". My spouse is attracted to me, want's to be with me and is willing to be as vulnerable as we can get between two people. Would you rather them bond with another woman in your place? Perhaps a stripper or coworker?
Did you ever make a meal that was for your spouse even though you weren't really hungry? Did you tell them not tonight dear, I'm just not in the mood to cook for you, maybe tomorrow. Did you go out of your way to make them feel guilty for being hungry when you weren't? If you've ever said to your spouse "I'm not in the mood but I'll have sex with you", it's not going to count. Sure the physical release will be there, but that statement ruins the emotional bond that should have been renewed/built from sex.
Sex for most men (myself included) is as important to our mental/physical well being as much as a good night's sleep and the food we eat. Car's don't go very far without gas. If a man were a car, sex would definitely be the gas that fuels him. A sex-deprived man is going to stall out like a car out of gas. He isn't going to be there for you when you need him, because you're not there for him when he needed you. A breakdown is going to happen because the driver didn't perform the "required" maintenance. The mechanic (let's call him the MC) is going to tell you this, charge you a big bill and smile because your therapy sessions just paid his car note.
Women who play the mood card instead of the I love you card are going to have husbands who aren't in the mood to do things they ask for in return. I know many personal examples in my own marriage where being out of gas was 100 percent behind my failure to do what my wife asked me to do. Seriously, isn't a few minutes of undivided attention and enthusiasm in the bedroom worth it to you for a happy marriage and a man ready to take care of you?
Not to be harsh, but why so negative? Sex on demand makes it sound like the man has a greasy chicken leg in one hand, beer in the other and then demands a BJ while he watches sportscenter. I'm sure that is how a woman who is hung up on the M word views any sex that they are "forced" into. The point of view is wrong IMHO and only reinforces the lack of desire instead of overcoming it.
If you love someone, having sex whenever either partner is in the mood (short of a physical problem) and there is an opportunity shouldn't be that complicated. Wives or husbands should be thankful that their mate is attracted to them and wants to bond with them. That in and of itself should make the other person automatically in the "mood". My spouse is attracted to me, want's to be with me and is willing to be as vulnerable as we can get between two people. Would you rather them bond with another woman in your place? Perhaps a stripper or coworker?
Did you ever make a meal that was for your spouse even though you weren't really hungry? Did you tell them not tonight dear, I'm just not in the mood to cook for you, maybe tomorrow. Did you go out of your way to make them feel guilty for being hungry when you weren't? If you've ever said to your spouse "I'm not in the mood but I'll have sex with you", it's not going to count. Sure the physical release will be there, but that statement ruins the emotional bond that should have been renewed/built from sex.
Sex for most men (myself included) is as important to our mental/physical well being as much as a good night's sleep and the food we eat. Car's don't go very far without gas. If a man were a car, sex would definitely be the gas that fuels him. A sex-deprived man is going to stall out like a car out of gas. He isn't going to be there for you when you need him, because you're not there for him when he needed you. A breakdown is going to happen because the driver didn't perform the "required" maintenance. The mechanic (let's call him the MC) is going to tell you this, charge you a big bill and smile because your therapy sessions just paid his car note.
Women who play the mood card instead of the I love you card are going to have husbands who aren't in the mood to do things they ask for in return. I know many personal examples in my own marriage where being out of gas was 100 percent behind my failure to do what my wife asked me to do. Seriously, isn't a few minutes of undivided attention and enthusiasm in the bedroom worth it to you for a happy marriage and a man ready to take care of you?
You make it sound much simpler than it is. I have lost track of hoe many arguementd my wife and i have had over this. It just seems like sex is not as impt to hrr as it is to me. Now she enjoys it when we do it but she does not have the drive that i do. It is a continued source of frustration for me but i am tired of arguing about it. Posted via Mobile Device
so if you love someone you are supposed to have sex on demand?
It's all a matter of perspective. Is sex is something you do not for the joy of it but because you feel obligated? When my husband indicates a desire for sex I happily comply. My reasons: I want to be with him, I want to make him happy and part of it is selfish...I love making love to him and how he makes me feel. For me it's an opportunity not a demand.
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Re: question for the sexless marriage crowd 
