question for the sexless marriage crowd

Mr B · 03-15-2012, 08:07 PM

Actually low sex drive is not the most common reason why men stop having marital sex, boredom and interpersonal difficulties with the spouse is. Porn often plays a large part and affairs less so. It may look to a wife like her husband has lost his sex drive but nine times out of ten he is simply using other methods to obtain sexual release.
This is especially true in long term marriages.

Sawney Beane · 03-16-2012, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tall Average Guy

I am not convinced that would do much good. You will tend to lose, because the spouse is better at that game - they are battle hardened and know how it is played, whether through resentment, lack of attraction and desire, exhaustion, you name it. Most people do not have the patience and dedication to try and catch up in a race where they are already miles behind.

So that is why I think you need to try and change the game. Get them to play a game where you are both starting out about even and can learn it together. Again, there is no guarantee that you spouse will agree to play, but I think you stand a better chance of success, or at least of lessening the pain.

Having said all of that, if someone could give the lessons to allow you to beat Ali, then I want them to next work on curing cancer.

I get exactly what you mean, and I see how it ought to work, but my impression is that to a lot of men (dunno about women but I wouldn't bet on them seeing it differently), if you beat our metaphorical Ali at chess or bridge or tennis, part of you feels it doesn't count. Beating him at that isn't the thing - it's beating him in a fight that counts. You know it (and I think this is crucial) they know it and they know YOU know it.

It can easily become a "So what, you didn't win the only game that matters" thing.