Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United States of AWESOME!
Re: What is so hard??
Speaking as one of those people who has turned down their spouse for sex, I'll say that for me, my rejections had almost nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with my own depression and self-esteem issues. I'm not going to say "Don't take it personally," but I will say that there may be things going on that folks with a high drive don't see.
But from my viewpoint, the most dangerous things for the lower drive spouse are to not acknowledge the problem is theirs and not their spouses, and being unwilling to acknowledge that there's anything the can do about it. Just shrugging their shoulders and going, "Oh, well. I'm not in the mood, so you don't get no loving," just isn't acceptable.
And, no, I don't think that lower-drive spouses should deny their partners if at all possible. I've found that sometimes I just have to start slower, like with cuddling or letting my wife go down on me (and there ain't nothing wrong with that). And if there are times I am in the mood but my wife isn't, I'll take care of her needs first too!
Last edited by Dr. Rockstar; 03-24-2012 at 10:24 PM.
Reason: Added third paragraph.