Cunnilingus..
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-12-2012, 01:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Cunnilingus..

Oral sex. My husband doesn't want to do it... It's odd to me. We have been married for a little over a year now and until now, I've ignored it. But our sex life is becoming less and less interesting. I am ALWAYS horny, always willing to have sex, so I always give him what he wants. I love going down on him, but since he won't do the same for me, I've stopped, which upsets him, but not enough to do it for me.
He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids. He couldn't eat/drink after anyone until he went to Iraq, where he had to drink water from a shared canteen...

But now he's fine with that, and he loves to kiss me, so I really don't know what the deal is. I always keep it clean down there, I bathe and shave at least once every day. I eat well, exercise, and the doctor said that everything checks out down there, no infections.
What am I supposed to say to him? He says I shouldn't make him do something he doesn't want to do, but he won't even try it. In my opinion it's not fair, because he has an orgasm every time we have sex(and whenever I used to go down on him), but I'm not so lucky.

Oh, also, he doesn't like touching down there with his hands... he says it "feels weird"...
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Old 03-12-2012, 03:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

Quote:
Originally Posted by hithereimstephanie View Post
Oral sex. My husband doesn't want to do it... It's odd to me. We have been married for a little over a year now and until now, I've ignored it. But our sex life is becoming less and less interesting. I am ALWAYS horny, always willing to have sex, so I always give him what he wants. I love going down on him, but since he won't do the same for me, I've stopped, which upsets him, but not enough to do it for me.
He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids. He couldn't eat/drink after anyone until he went to Iraq, where he had to drink water from a shared canteen...

But now he's fine with that, and he loves to kiss me, so I really don't know what the deal is. I always keep it clean down there, I bathe and shave at least once every day. I eat well, exercise, and the doctor said that everything checks out down there, no infections.
What am I supposed to say to him? He says I shouldn't make him do something he doesn't want to do, but he won't even try it. In my opinion it's not fair, because he has an orgasm every time we have sex(and whenever I used to go down on him), but I'm not so lucky.

Oh, also, he doesn't like touching down there with his hands... he says it "feels weird"...
WOW! Did you type that or did I? I am in the same boat. Never had this issue with a man before this one. The first time we had sex 5 years ago, I didn't think anything about it when he wanted to lay on his back & I had to be up on my knees while he performed oral for a very short amount of time. I knew it wasn't great or even good, but I chalked it up to him being nervous. I really liked him because he was such a sweet guy, so I thought he would get more comfortable as time went by. Boy was I wrong. He got out the video camera while in the hot tub at the cabin to record me on him, then when it was his turn, he came up w/ the excuse that it has to be completely shaven, which it was & super cleaned by what felt like 200 degree H2O. So now what? He said it hurts his tongue to have to keep it out like that & it hurts his neck & throat to stretch like that. Becoming paranoid that maybe it was an issue w/ me, I went to doc & got clean bill of health, so all is well down there. I even started eating foods that pleasantly alter the flavor down there. After many conversations about it & then many arguments as well, he finally said that he doesn't like to perform oral sex because he doesn't know if he would like how HE tastes & he doesn't want to go there after he has entered there, so I told him to do it first as part of foreplay. He kisses me after I have performed oral on him. Needless to say, I haven't been kissed for a while as I decided not to perform if he doesn't. I am on STRIKE! (which sorta sux for me as I love performing
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Old 03-12-2012, 06:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

First, congrats to you for thinking about hygiene - not everyone is as considerate as you.

Second, I suspect there are other issues (lack of knowledge, maturity, desire, etc.) involved here - these guys need to come to this forum and spend some time reading!

Third, check out this thread for an optimistic story:
he has started liking oral
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Old 03-12-2012, 06:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

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Originally Posted by contemplating divorce View Post
WOW! Did you type that or did I? I am in the same boat. Never had this issue with a man before this one. The first time we had sex 5 years ago, I didn't think anything about it when he wanted to lay on his back & I had to be up on my knees while he performed oral for a very short amount of time. I knew it wasn't great or even good, but I chalked it up to him being nervous. I really liked him because he was such a sweet guy, so I thought he would get more comfortable as time went by. Boy was I wrong. He got out the video camera while in the hot tub at the cabin to record me on him, then when it was his turn, he came up w/ the excuse that it has to be completely shaven, which it was & super cleaned by what felt like 200 degree H2O. So now what? He said it hurts his tongue to have to keep it out like that & it hurts his neck & throat to stretch like that. Becoming paranoid that maybe it was an issue w/ me, I went to doc & got clean bill of health, so all is well down there. I even started eating foods that pleasantly alter the flavor down there. After many conversations about it & then many arguments as well, he finally said that he doesn't like to perform oral sex because he doesn't know if he would like how HE tastes & he doesn't want to go there after he has entered there, so I told him to do it first as part of foreplay. He kisses me after I have performed oral on him. Needless to say, I haven't been kissed for a while as I decided not to perform if he doesn't. I am on STRIKE! (which sorta sux for me as I love performing
some guy are p*$$y$ about eating P*$$ y

and this is a war vet. he can dodge bullets but can't muster the courage to munch your box?

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Old 03-12-2012, 06:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

I think it's funny how people respond to a woman who gives, but does not get, versus a man who gives but does not get.
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I love doing it to my wife and I can stay there for ever,watching her face and the movements her body is making.

Did your husbands do it before you were married ?If your husband does do it again just go crazy with excitement so he can see and hear how good it makes you feel even if he is not that good at it,so that way he will want to keep doing it[don't go over board,ha ha]. How about have him take a shower with you and wash you then turn the water off and push his head down.
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

If this is how you orgasm, this will be really really hard on you, not sure what to tell you , I would feel rejected and hurt if my husband didn't want to do that ....and I have a hard time even getting off that way -but still cherish the fact he wants to be there.

I wouldn't give him his anymore... get the whip cream out, pour some chocolate down there, think anything like that might help?

I did a quick google search:

Can I learn to enjoy the taste of vagina? - sex cunnilingus vagina | Ask MetaFilter

.
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Old 03-12-2012, 08:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

I don't know. I don't know how you get someone to do something that they do not really want to do.

I do know that putting up walls and building resentment does not get you any closer to what you want. But being open and caring, taking it at a pace that allows your spouse to feel trusted and safe, and tearing down the walls of resentment is one place to start.
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Ahhhhh WTF? I just cannot fathom men who don't like giving oral.. Blows my mind!! And not fingers either??? Sheesh....
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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nice topiccccccc heheh interesting replies as well..
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:32 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

well, first up not all guys are actually into it. not all women are into oral either.
there is plenty more things to do that can spice things up for you.
dont force him to do something he doesnt want to.
either that or tie him to a chair and facesit him, but i wouldnt recommend that either.

just sit down and talk to him.
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:43 AM   #12 (permalink)
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either that or tie him to a chair and facesit him
Sounds like the start of a good evening to me
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:01 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

Personally, I love going down on my wife. She seems to quite enjoy plus she will start to play with herself and I will tease her back side, but she does not want me to insert anything anally and I respect that. From previous experiences with other women you could not get me down there for a minute, they stunk!
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cunnilingus..

As a male, this does not compute. I love giving oral to my wife, probably more than she likes receiving (which really confuses me as she always has mind blowing orgasms when I give her oral).
Expecting to receive oral when you are not willing to give oral is a sign of immaturity or of a real psychological hang up (phobia?). I agree that unless he is willing to reciprocate, he should not be lucky enough to receive from you.
The argument about "you shouldn't make me do something that I don't want to do" does not hold water in my opinion. Not in this case.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by hithereimstephanie View Post
...He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids....

Oh, also, he doesn't like touching down there with his hands... he says it "feels weird"...
Well now. I guess you find yourself in quite a pickle.

Much as I think the situation is horrible... you married this guy and knew what you were getting into - now you want to change him? I simply cant resist saying.. 'WHAT were you thinking?'.

anyway... maybe try and get some 'toys' into the act to help out? AT least that would... uhm, 'get you there'. Who knows, maybe he won't think its too 'weird'.
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