Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I tried to explain to her, if there was something REALLY EASY I could do for 7-10 minutes that would make you REALLY happy, I would jump all over it; I'd want to do it all the time.
She responded that I fail to do things all thing time and it makes her feel like she has another child; things like washing out the baby bottles, leaving a door open or a light on, general around-the-house things.
Between working, paying bills, coming straight home most nights, bringing home flowers, getting isaac to daycare every morning .. I'm bound to forget a detail here and there.
If I point out to her that for every mistake I make there are several dozen things I do right; she'll say, what do you want a gold sticker? No, I want a freakin' blowjob every now and then!
I don't think these issues are the things that keep her from showing more affection; so far I haven't figured it out. I think the bottom line is that she doesn't get the same pleasure from it than I do. She can still enjoy herself and have orgasms, but she doesn't crave it. When I go down on her, it is almost always my idea.. she enjoys it but it's not the same for her as it is for me.
All I know is that there are good days and bad days, and I'm starting to think it has more to do with her general mood than what I did right or wrong that day.
We are seeing a counselor today.. I was the one who set up the appointment; it is partly about my ADD/scatterbrainedness, some of her anger management issues, but I'm hoping the sex thing will get addressed too.
We are not hopeless. We have had GREAT sex, as recently as last weekend. But there are these recurring issues we can't seem to get past.
Sorry to derail the steak and BJ thread.. I hope at least some of you have had better luck!
You may want to bring up in therapy the fact that you feel that you need to perfect to get loved. That is a recipe for misery in a relationship I think.
She can pick out some things that are important and let the rest go.
Also, you may want to curb the tendency to assume that you are at fault. You may derail the MC.
If you just talk about what you think is wrong with you. Talk about what is going on with you both. If the therapist is unbalanced get another ones.
I decided there are a few major things that I let affect me and the rest I let go. It is a conscious decision to be happy.
Many people have a lot less than I. If, God forbid, I lose my family, I will wish I had them around to annoy me.
You may want to bring up in therapy the fact that you feel that you need to perfect to get loved. That is a recipe for misery in a relationship I think.
She can pick out some things that are important and let the rest go.
Also, you may want to curb the tendency to assume that you are at fault. You may derail the MC.
If you just talk about what you think is wrong with you. Talk about what is going on with you both. If the therapist is unbalanced get another ones.
I decided there are a few major things that I let affect me and the rest I let go. It is a conscious decision to be happy.
Many people have a lot less than I. If, God forbid, I lose my family, I will wish I had them around to annoy me.
Yes; I've made a conscious decision to make sure that this is marriage counseling, not fix everything that's wrong with Nate counseling. If I don't hold my ground I'm afraid that's what it will be. We did our initial consultation and we have our one-on-ones next. She seemed to know what she was doing, but I felt like I was on the hotseat for so much of the time. Hopefully I'll be able to clear some things up in the 1-on-1.
Sorry to derail steak and bjs with my drama; thanks Catherine for your advice
Ok - just to clarify!!! I am in NO WAY against deep throating!
Just saying that it's easy to get to my most sensitive areas without going very deep at all.
My ex could take me fairly deep - but I don't think we ever explored the type of things the some of you are talking about. For me - her taking me deep was more of a great visual than anything else.
Now - of she quickly flipped the tip of my penis with her tongue - the only thing I would see was the back of my eyelids as my eyes rolled back into my head!
Nice, I have a question for you, but just in a light hearted way (not trying to argue).
When you have sex, do you just put the tip in? Just flip your member around the hole and feel it tickle your gland?
It feels great, as there is a lot of sensation, but eventually you want to take that long deep stroke and feel the tip slide all the way in a woman and hit the back of her walls. The sensation you get as it slides back in deep goes well beyond the sensation of rubbing your gland on her shallow opening.
TMI. When you orgasm, do you just lay there and let the tip tickle her lips or do you drive your member in as far as you can like you want to put your whole body inside her?
Now imagine that with a throat.
That's all I am saying.
Like I said - the last thing I want to do is discourage ANYONE from getting OR receiving BJs!
And of course - during sex I don't do those things.
But that's part of what makes BJs so great - the variety of things that a girl can do with her mouth and tongue that can't be done through vaginal intercourse.
If the next girl I meet is not able to take me deep I'm just saying that there would still be a lot of other ways to play that I would completely enjoy.
OR - if some woman is making herself miserable because her gag reflex won't allow her to do what her hubby's favorite porn star is doing - just try switching it up a bit.
But please ladies - on behalf of men everywhere - please don't ever, ever stop!!!
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