I think when I convert back from HD to LD, I will probably be happier.
And I do know why I was "LD" for so long. And I had had so many talks with my H. For people who do not know my story (since some men are so pissed @ "LD" females they start throwing rotten tomatoes the second they hear one), my "LD" state was more a lack of passion stage, I always satisfied my H and we did not have a sexless marriage.
Anyways, we were visiting my (younger)sister-in-laws. I love my SILs and in fact they lived with us to help out taking care of my big kid. Now both have their own families with two girls each. We went to both houses and both were messy. When we were about to turn in, I elbowed my H and whispered "hey, our house is neater."
There is a long history behind why I said that. My H is the biggest NEAT FREAK on this planet. I am below average neat for sure. Throughout the years though, I have tried so hard to remember every little detail, I'll give some examples
-- Mirror and vanity have to be wiped clean promptly if I splashed water when brushing teeth
-- Stuff needs to be removed from car when we get off (those soccer mom's vans strewn with stuff just are unimaginable)
-- any kitchen gadget (for example, a slow cooker) that does not get used for a while will be mocked (you are a wastrel and shopoholic)
So, seeing his own sis's houses littered with clothes, beds unmade, kitchen counter crowded with mail, knives, containers, and bathroom no place to even put our change of clothes when we tried to take a shower, did not BOTHER him a bit. I did not mean anything vicious or competitive. It was just like "uh, excuse me, please acknowledge I have been doing a good job at home."
He laughed thru his nose and said "you are a lot worse."
"No I am not."
"Oh it's only because I am with you. Remember your college room?"
Yes I remember my college room. But my house is not like my college room. I said "every time you go out of town, and come back, do you remember how the house looks? So who cleaned it when you were not home?"
(sarcastic hissing sound)
It's pretty amazing. I could just feel in one second the years of resentment (that have tried to gradually melt away since we talked about not being negative) immediately surfaced. I stayed calm and said "I took extreme personal offense at your comment" and went upstairs to bed. Really was not even interested in hearing his lame apology later (with still sarcasm in it. "OH I SAID THE WRONG THING"). When he tried to touch me I had no feeling. Besides, he did his arm-around-squeeze thing and immediately fell asleep with the loudest snore. Could not stop rolling my eyes.
Just another couple times will do. The drive will be gone and I will appreciate.