TexasDad

My wife and I have been married 14 years. When we have had sex in the past, it has been incredible (75% of the time). I can't speak to her but I would have to say she does not view it as incredible because we rarely ever have sex. I have approached the topic with her in the past and she said it was because I don't "romance" her enough. Fair enough. I have worked on "romancing" her since then by taking her on date nights, giving her candlelit massages, cooking her dinner, etc. But at the first sign I want to "escalate" things, she physically shoves me away and groans about it. Then when I bring it up she says something to the effect of "well you never try to have sex with me anymore." At this point, I am confused. I either don't romance her enough or don't try to have sex with her enough (which to me is just a copout to help her justify her guilt).

I should preface this by saying she had an extramarital affair 3 years ago. She would argue and say "nothing" happened. But I had been growing suspicious when I noticed some changes and started reviewing cell phone records. I noticed several "midnight" calls to a number on the nights I would be out of town traveling. I then put keystroke logging software on her computer and captured a very explicit chat with a guy she has always claimed is a "friend." In that chat she stated something to the effect of she "had to go because 'you know who' wants some tonight---gross----I'll just be thinking about you as we are doing it." I read this and it really hurt my feelings. The fact that she referred to me as "gross". I'm no grosser than the fat hairy drunken friend that she thinks is "hot". She still does everything she can to see this person when he is in town and I am getting sick of being the fool here.

hookares

Well, at least you bring home the bacon. I'm sure THEY both appreciate it, too.
(I don't think you can use the verb "had" when discussing her affair)

Nicbrownn80

You need to put an end to her seeing this "friend". When a man or a women says to a person I will be thinking of you while having sex with someone else... that feeling usually doesn't go away, especially when they see them.

Enchantment

Hi Texas ~

I think you should have your post moved over to the Coping with Infidelity sub-forum.

I think your wife's infidelity and the fall-out from that will need to be addressed first.

Best wishes.

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Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

that_girl

Ew. Did you guys even DEAL with her affair?

Is she still with the guy? How have you confirmed if she's not?

Stop trying for sex. She is rude.

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PHTlump

Your wife doesn't want sex with you because she's not attracted to you. She's attracted to another man.

From your post, it sounds like you are all beta and no alpha. Women like a combination of both.

Check out Married Man Sex Life for some great information.

You discovered a your wife's affair and you did nothing? Seriously? You need to man up and squash that.

If you want your wife to want to have sex with you, stop buying her flowers and prove to her that you are a real man. That means you stop letting her abuse you by dating other men. Nothing is less attractive to a woman than a cuckold.

Good luck.

WorkingOnMe

The romancing thing is an excuse. In a healthy relationship husbands don't need to jump through hoops to get sex. That said, you should still romance your wife, just not for a quid pro quo. And of course this assumes she's not still having an affair.

Shaggy

You know you are being lied to her big time right?

You caught her in an affair, but think it stopped even though you didn't make her stop seeing the guy, and he "comes" over when you are gone.

You think this is a sex in marriage problem? It's a cheating wife problem.

Catherine602

Your marriage is not going south it has already arrived in that dark place. Your wife is likely still cheating.

You have to face this head on now. She has a comfy situation, if she is cheating. She has a husband who supports her, free messages, romantic dinners and all the other benifits of having a husband. What more is that she has some side action.

Don't be a cump. You have to get to the bottom of it. Be willing to lose her rather than be used as a workhorse and a fool.
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vickyyy

your wife dont have any respect for u and marriage.she just see u no more than a doormat.
stop having sex with her and check for STD.
have u exposed the affair to other mans wife ? If not then u need to do it fast.
and one more thing come out of ur own fog, she is still in affair and stop financing her affair.

the guy

This thread needs to leave "sex in marriage" and head over to "coping with infidelity", b/c the sex and the disconnect is directly related to her current affair.

You can stop being the fool by show an indifference to you wife and also show her a large degree of confidence that you will no longe tolorate this treatment.

We all diserve to be happy and we all have the choice to control our selves on how we act. We all know we cant control other poeple so start making a change that will emotionaly protect you by distancing your self from your wife until she want to met your needs. I think the time for talking is over its time to act, and give her a taste of it it will be like if she doesn't change her tune.