blueskies30

My husband had hernia surgery on 2/17 and he's still in some discomfort which is enough that we can not have sex. His testicle is still very sore. Enough that he says laying on his stomach makes it sore.

It's hard dealing with this after reconsiling. He moved back home new years weekend and had surgery 2/17. We are leaving for our reconsilstion vacation next Thursday in like 5 days now.

He says he wants to make love to me so badly, but he can't. He says he feels bad for not being able too. He's afraid that we will be on our cruise and he still won't be able to perform.

I think he's afraid that we will be sexless for ever now just because he had to have his hernia fixed. The doctor did extra stuff and now we are wishing he didn't. The doctor had tried to pull one of his testicles down to where it was supposed to be. Now that testicle is painful for him. We were able to have sex fine with where that testicle was before. I think we both wish the doctor had left it alone
Posted via Mobile Device

that_girl

Could last a while.

My husband has pain from his surgery 8 years ago. the mesh pushes on a nerve and he is in chronic pain.

He's getting the mesh removed soon.

Didn't you post about this before? Let the man heal! It's only been a month.

I had an ovary removed and a huge growth and the doc said it would be a month before I feel NORMAL again but pain could last a while longer.

I know he's frustrated but he will heal and he will get through this. It just takes time and if he tries to push himself, it could be worse.

__________________

Enchantment

So, what does his doctor say about it?

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

blueskies30

The doctor keeps saying its all normal. Last night my Husband opened up about his feelings about all this when he thought I was joing about sex, which I was not.

Made me feel really good to know he does want to make love...especially because before seperation he was happy to have sex once every 3 months...,

Yes I did post about this before....I'm very afraid of a sexless marriage again....and never being able to get over how before he never wanted sex from me, but as soon as we were seperated he had sex several times with a girl he had known for a week.

For me sex with him is healing. I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way after a seperation that had affairs?
Posted via Mobile Device

that_girl

It's only been ONE MONTH since his surgery. He is healing and you won't have a sexless marriage.

I hope Hubs doesn't think that about me! It's been not even a week and I'm in horrible pain. I'm sure i'll be in pain at a month too. Nothing I can do about it. We look healed on the outside, but the inside has to heal which takes longer.

We have done other things, other than sex but that made me very tired. lol.

You won't have a sexless marriage, promise.

__________________

WorkingOnMe

If he's feeling less than capable it might be helpful if he got you off orally. Or other non-intercourse ways of being intimate. And if I were in that situation and I knew I couldn't "go all the way" I probably would avoid initiating anything. The male ego is pretty fragile sometimes

Perhaps you should say 'honey I've been thinking about what you said about wanting to make love and I know we have to wait. But I just want to be close to you..... you know there are other things (wink wink) we could do'

Anyway I won't put the rest of the words into your mouth. At this point you know, he's a man who wants you so he's not going to be hard to seduce. The point is that he doesn't need to use his unit in order to make you happy and feel like he's doing his job.

blueskies30

Working on me: I'd love for my husband to do oral on me or even use his fingers for stuff. He seems to be mostly about finishing the deal, so because he can't...I guess he just figures not to do much in those ways. We do cuddle a lot more than he was willing to do before seperation. He does lots of tough silly touching that's not very pleasurable for me, but I guess it means he is thinking about me.

Before his surgery he always had to be in control. I don't think he likes me being so forward sometimes about what I'm thinking sexually.

I just can't wait until he's done healing so we can get on with improving our marriage in sexual regard, since it was missing before seperation.
Posted via Mobile Device

Thor

Yeah I had the mesh and it caused a lot of pain for a lot of years. The worst was during sex it would be literally breath taking. It was taken out last summer and I would call it a 99% cure so far. There is still some pain now and again, and some tingling and other sensations. The most unpleasant is the deep slicing like a knife cut down in the deep layers. I haven't had that since about 3 months post op.

When your husband has the mesh taken out, avoid sex with you on top for several months. Your pelvic bones can press right on the area where the mesh used to be.

OP, for me the pain diminished a lot starting about 3 weeks post op, but it was a long haul. At 3 months post op the pain was mostly gone. If he can get ahead of the pain with Aleve or Advil or even Tylenol it can be pretty well controlled during sex. My doc told me that after about 2 weeks things would be healed enough that it wouldn't get damaged, but I don't fully buy into that. The tissues are inflamed and still healing even if the incision has healed strong.

The stitches will cause some irritation until they fully dissolve. I had bits erupting through the skin months later.

I don't really quite know what you mean by his testicle being moved. There is a muscle which connects through the inguinal canal which attaches to the testicle and is what moves it up and down. There is a nerve which serves this muscle, I think it is the ilio-inguinal nerve. That nerve runs into the scrotum. Messing with that muscle or that nerve could cause the testicle to hang low without the muscle being able to contract and pull the testicle up. Function may return in time. Swelling from the surgery could be causing him discomfort now which could go away as the swelling goes down.

The prime rule is for him to not do anything which causes pain. Some discomfort is normal, and for me I was sexually active in 3 weeks after two of my surgeries but with some soreness. I think I pushed it too much to be honest.

Bottom line: don't panic yet! He will heal.

that_girl

Thanks, Thor!! I'd relay the message to Hubs. He hates this chronic pain and just wants it out!

__________________

blueskies30

My husbands testicle was moved because the doctor tried to put it where it is supposed to be. My husband had a previous surgery when he was a kid about 12yrs old for hernia and undesended testicle. Since he was so old during surgery they couldn't get the trsticke down to the right place. So in this surgery the doctor tried to pull it down. I think both my husband and I would have been fine with leaving that testicle alone. Now that testicle has a hard part, possible where swelling still is) that he says hurts.

We are leaving in 5 days for our vacation, so I'm packing the Tylenol!

Hopefully the sexual urge will overcome him while we are on vacation. He's usually the pursuer .

My husband has the mesh too and I hope it does not cause him problems. They did have to cut his nerve. The doctor said if they didn't cut the nerve he would be in pain forever
Posted via Mobile Device

Thor

Mesh is so frequently a problem wrt chronic pain. Back 40 years ago they used it like there was no tomorrow. The literature is full of studies showing a high incidence of chronic pain. The anchor stitch was the main culprit in my case with the mesh. The other problem was the psycho first surgeon damaging the ilio inguinal nerve.

Cutting nerves is sometimes the only cure. Below that point there will be no cause of pain. But around the nerve the tissues needs to heal without scarring that presses on the nerve. Or as in my case, the nerve itself scarred (a neuroma). It caused a lot of pain whenever tweaked at all, including during sex. Thus the third and fourth surgeries were required to remove the mesh and to cut two nerves.

It sounds like your husband had a lot of work done. Please do not pressure him to do anything he is not comfortable doing. He needs to heal without doing further damage.

that_girl

Pack more than Tylenol! That doesn't do squat!

__________________

blueskies30

I guess my Husband wanted to try sex. I've was the one to shyly initiate. We did watch Friends With Benefits and then go upstairs to watch tv in bed. There was much touching foreplay and passionate romantic sex. I had really really been missing him on top sex because before his surgery he would just do the positions where I can't see his face. After our seperation and his affair during seperation I really need the more intimate sex. Plus there is a lot of positions that we used to do with him on top that I miss.

He had hernia surgery on 2/17, he said sex hurt him a little but not too bad. He didn't take any pain meds before sex. I hope this is the beginning of our sex life being much better than it was before our seperation.

We leave for our reconsilstion vacation next Thursday. I think he must have wanted to try out sex before we leave.

I told him this morning that I was late getting up this morning because I was thinking about how good last night was
Posted via Mobile Device

blueskies30

I meant he was the one to shly initiate....spell check or something I think...
Posted via Mobile Device