After many good years in our early relationship, my wife and I have had relationship difficulty for many years. Sex became much less important to her after our child and leading up to the baby, sex only meant making a baby to her.
It seems that everyone on this board (I didn't read all the responses to this thread) thinks the sex life every man wants is the sex life every man is supposed to have just because the woman is his wife. I'm sorry, but I do not subscribe to what seems to be the popular belief that this (what this OP is expecting) is his wife's "duty."
There are lots of reasons for the sex life to dwindle in a relationship, but dwindling is not even the case here. He clearly did not marry a woman who was interested in sex at all, at least certainly not for the pleasure of it.....or the pastime. Therefore, it is wrong for everyone to make him feel he is justified in his expectation and for them to try helping him solve his problem of wanting more sex and to spice things up.
Many of the men on these boards express in so many words that women should just do it. Some have outright asked the question "what is so hard about her just opening her legs?" That is ridiculous, not to mention insensitive and just down right bullish. The really horrific part is some of the women here seem to feel the same way. There are many reasons some women don't want sex, and this woman is as entitled to be the way she is just as everyone seems to feel this man is entitled to be the way he is. If he builds resentment in a woman by day, then she doesn't want to have sex at night. If he is a terrible lover, does not satisfy her, or is just simply inadequate to her in the sex department, then she does not want to have sex. If she gets nothing out of the act, then she does not want to have sex. If by her nature, she simply does not have any sexual desire, she does not want to have sex. It seems to me one of the two latter points is what is going on with his wife because I refuse to believe a sexually fulfilled woman does not want to be sexually fulfilled on a regular and continual basis.
Generally, women have absolutely no idea how important sex is to a man, particularly women who do not have sexual desire themselves. This kind of woman still wants to get married and have children. She still wants the family, and this is the kind of woman the OP married, and he KNEW it. How can he expect more than how he knew it was going to be? Why is she obligated to serve his sexual needs that are so much more than her own? She tries every way she can to avoid sex with him and even the discussion of sex, but he is determined he will twist and turn her mind so she will give him what he wants......and everyone justifies him and trieds to help him. This is craziness in action. No one here has any idea why this woman is the way she is and has no respect for the way she is. She's just automatically wrong.
For the record, I have a high sex drive, but I've been where she is with a guy who was completely useless to me in bed. I was repulsed by his inadequacies (no, I am not talking about size) at his age (over 50) and was repulsed by his way of thinking that my only purpose was to serve him, as if the act was not supposed to be for me too. I left him after 3 months and finally realized nothing about him or our relationship was going to improve, and I spent time with a former boyfriend in the meanwhile. I was not going to be treated that way (along with his abuse), and I certainly wasn't going to treated like his concubine. Some women are perfectly happy to live that way and are perfectly happy to live not wanting to have sex with their husband, but they still want to be married and have a family. No one has the right to demand she provide so much more for him just because she is his wife than the sex life was from the beginning.