Can it work long-term if I tell my husband about my desire of having sex with the younger man?
This is tough. I cannot imagine how hard it must be on you.ED problem: went to doctors and tried pills, no special medical conditions, still healthy in early 40's, problem attributed to our & his stressful hectic professional and social lives, part of it work-related depression. Pills were allowing only for partial arousal of which signs are inexplicably lost almost immediately.
Strap-on briefly experimented with more than a year ago and, psychologically, this did more harm than good - a mechanical exercise with prolonged silence after 'sex' after which frustration grew leading us to the above mentioned and ongoing 'shutting down' e.g. his asexual stage caused by self-inflicting blame is how I described it to him.
(Could be wrong on this but, in my opinion, strap-on can only be good for healthy sexual relationships. Useless kinky distraction otherwise.)
"The" young man: there is a real boy at the centre of my sexual fantasies recently and who is so much younger that he was probably learning to walk at the time of my graduation 20 years ago. I don't know his name, I think he is single (I occasionally see him in the Olympic swimming pool during mixed lane-swimming sessions, no g/f in sight, he must be a student - we women have our proximity radars, too.).
I never spoke with him and it may well happen that I never come across him again but I am now finding myself wanting to be taken by (someone like!) him roughly.
I think of sex with him all the time now, at work, at home, when driving on the way in between the two, when watching kids playing football (soccer), when watching tv, when going to bed, when waking up.....
Yet, I cannot and do not want to cheat even if I knew I could, my husband is a wonderful person and didn't deserve that. If the alternative is no proper sex ever again, so be it, I'll just carry on like this for as long as I can.
Completely driving myself to insanity about how to ask for husband's permission to approach the boy if/when I meet him next time.
I still love everything about my husband and enjoy in everything else and every moment when we are together - all I now want to add is sex (not often really) with the boy and keep everything else as it is - with husband's knowledge.
I was warmed up by the suggestion of 'swinging' alternative, 1+2 me, boy and husband present, watching or participating as also suggested here... why not? that would be wonderful if it could only work.
I was on the verge of asking several times but couldn't have brought the subject up.