Sexless Relationship, but both of us want sex

Enchantment · 03-25-2012, 01:56 PM

Well, it seems to me that the both of you have some issues here.

Instead of going to some kind of classes to learn how to be sexier (?) and instead of looking for a therapist just for you, why don't you look at investing in a sex therapist that could work with the both of you?

It seems to me that he may have some kind of hang-up...I mean a man who really wants to have sex strongly is usually willing to work with his partner who may have a lot less experience...especially when that partner is a very willing one.

Intimacy and sexiness aren't something that 'just happens' ... it's something that is built up over time with continued intimacy between the two of you.

And on your side... well... I take that back - maybe you do need to see an IC for a bit. It sounds like you started out really young with this man, and may not have a strong foundation in yourself ... a strong foundation of self-esteem and self-respect. Because, if you did... you wouldn't stand for him commenting that you aren't good enough. You'd be able to sling back at him "Maybe it's because of the company that I keep."

Best wishes.

Dr. Rockstar · 03-25-2012, 02:03 PM

Janelle, I kind of implied this in another thread, but if he thinks you're having problems presenting what is sexy to him, have you asked HIM to teach you those classes he's mentioned? What is his definition of sexy? Is it something as simple as a behavior hed like you to modify? Or Maybe you can go to a nearby city where you don't know anybody and visit some stores and "clubs" to see some examples. Hell, maybe he just gets a Pinterest account and shares pictures from which you can get inspiration. But ALWAYS be ready to draw the line at what you're comfortable with.

Beyond that, I agree with NiceGuy. This problem belongs to both of you. You'll need to work together (possibly with a counselor) in order to work through it.
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norajane · 03-25-2012, 02:19 PM

Sexy classes from an escort?

There isn't a man on this earth who needs his woman to take "sexy classes" from a prostitute. What kind of request is that? It sounds like a man who has trouble with sex, and is blaming you for it. Enthusiasm for sex is usually the only thing men need from a woman for her to be sexy - everything else can be learned together as you explore each other. He's never bothered to do that with you.

I'm sorry you are married to a turd. I wish I had any kind of real advice for you, but I don't, other than to say you would be far better off without this man as your husband. His abuse, and it is emotional abuse, has destroyed your self-confidence and made you believe that you are not a sexy woman.

Frankly, if someone is offering "sexy classes" of some kind somewhere, go ahead and take them - they might help you realize exactly how awesomely sexy you already are, and that might help you realize that your husband is the one who is bringing you down instead of appreciating you and lifting you up.

LovesHerMan · 03-25-2012, 03:43 PM

I am so glad that you came here for advice. You need to hear from other people that your husband is emotionally abusing you. Ask yourself why you stay with such a man. Please think about why your self-esteem is so low, and how you can start to respect yourself. There are men out there who will treat you well; do not settle for crumbs from this man.