I am one of those people who adore Dr Laura, I love her sarcastic cutting manner, I love to be challenged too, I enjoy listening to anything that pisses me off - so I can evaluate my own thinking. (not that she does, I usually agree with her , I loved her radio show).. I know she is the type >> you either love her or hate her.
I did wake up to smell the roses myself... but I was never low drive, just repressed & uneducated.
Here is one such video -- if she is open & willing to explore with you- though it doesn't sound like it. (I am so sorry!) Better Sex Video Series: Sexplorations
A nice list here also : Loving Sex Instructional DVDs for Couples
I feel really bad for your situation, this is just not right... these things have a way of sucking the joy out of our lives , sexual intimacy & feeling wanted by your lover is nothing short of "life giving". You have to love her very much... how many years married ? I can only imagine the resentment is building , near consuming ... as you said you are close to the breaking point & it is taking a huge mental /emotional toll on you.
I put this link on here earlier in another thread ... Why some women don't want sex
It seems some just do not get turned on, proof is in the MRI scan.
Has your wife ever been the type to go GAGA over a hot movie star, a rock star... it seems many women who don't get excited by that stuff...is on the lower drive end too. I have noticed it a common theme .... so being "BOY CRAZY" in youth seems to be an indicater of a healtier sex drive. I guess it would make sense.
I feel this is ALWAYS an indicator of a lower drive woman. I have been masterbating since I was like 12 -I was so darn embarrassed by this, felt it was wrong -according to my beliefs -which set me up for so much guilt & shame...and repression...but I was like a guy, after so much time... I had to have it , or I'd probalby go nuts.
I have always been high drive I believe ...but even me... you wouldn't know it too well....since mentally I was hindered due to repression .. so it would seem to me... (given my own experience)... that if a woman was naturally low drive (no need to masterbate) combined with repressive beliefs/ prudish nature...this is a major hurdle to overcome.......that is a mindset near like "cement".
Unless you have a woman who is very open minded and cares to get into your psyche, and TRUST, even be moved by ... how devestatingly hurting this is to you
... not needing to have a taste of it on her own , but caring enough for you
to go out of her way to please you. Without this from her end.... I wouldn't see any hope.
SHe needs a desire to change, gain a sexual education, a motivation to change her mindset.
You said though...she orgasms when she is on top...are you sure ?? What does orgasms do for her? Has she ever expressed how wonderful they are ? I would think anyone who has experienced them --LOVES them and wants them on a regular basis !