MEM11363

Vch,
Why do you think my w and I are disconnected?

UOTE=veryconfusedhusband;657262]Thank you all for the feedback. We have had some good discussions and offered again to go to a new MC. She is stuck on this concept of our problems in the bedroom are related to her lack of attraction due to past behaviors. She sees that in the past few years I have made major improvements but states that because of this history it is hard to overlook a comment now even if accidental or misunderstood. I am trying to convey some understanding yet pointing out that she too can be critical and difficult at times and that I will never be perfect. I also have explained that during those years our lack of a sexual connection is in some ways responsible as I need that part. The funny thing is the next day I pointed out to her that one of the cupboards came off the hinges again and was stuck. She knows this is nobodys fault but she still gave me a bad look and shook her head. Haha I got my example so easily and of course I let her know. "hey that is the kind of stuff you get so angry when I do it". She smiled. Later that day she came up out of nowhere and gave me a nice kiss and that night we had sex. No asking no talking about it and it was good. But it was Saturday night so this that has not changed. Enchantment I like your quote and no I will not let go. Life is getting better and I can't expect her to change overnight. I am still certain that standing up and saying no to MC was the best move I made. Yes I am agreeing to go back but you see she has not said a word since it is just a test I think and if she sets it up I will go but I am not playing the go slow while on therapy thing ever again.
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veryconfusedhusband

MEM first off I probably have very little understanding of your marriage and I think the vast majority if your comments are good. But the way in which you described how you have this whole system down when your wife is unpleasant in which you explained how you would first raise your hand and then you explained two more steps you use. It just struck a chord with me in a negative way but as I stated when I said that I probably don't really understand your marriage as our understanding iod each other in here is illusory. For example I do not believe my wife thinks I am a doormat at all. She is just clinging to this belief that she can change me or train me and it is not going to work. It has never worked for her as she is in more discomfort than I.
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