PE is killing my marriage

livnlearn · 03-26-2012, 09:47 AM

so the solution to you lasting longer is simply to stop for about 10 seconds and then you can resume..and she says this isn't acceptable because it ruins her enjoyment...seriously?? it is apparent she is getting something out of the control she has over you. Is there anything in your relationship that might have her feeling resentment towards you..justified or not? and I'm not talking about the PE issue...her total lack of compassion and desire to make you feel like a failure in bed seems to stem from something more deep-seeded.

In_The_Wind · 03-29-2012, 01:58 PM

Have you tried using a condom to desensitive yrself or skin it back a couple of times a week (practicing as they say).

diwali123 · 03-30-2012, 06:22 PM

I'm not trying to be harsh but she sounds like she's being a b@tch on purpose.
She sounds like she's angry at you and she's punishing you.
Ugh, sports bras! They look horrible.
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harpongs · 04-12-2012, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OlgaerOwen

she says she does not feel satisfied enough like after sexsex proper.

Well said.

shy_guy · 04-12-2012, 11:28 AM

One thing I did very early in my marriage (and it's not original, I had read it somewhere) is just before you are ready to orgasm, you, or she, put a finger firmly on your urethera near the base of your penis, and don't let anything escape, then lie still for a moment - until you feel yourself let down a bit from the point of ejaculation. Don't pull out and put it near the end because if the semen goes ahead and releases from your prostate, then that will be painful. It was never painful if I pressed near the base of the penis.

Even if you don't stop in time to prevent the release of semen from your prostate, holding it like this prevents you from having a full orgasm. Whenever I did that, I didn't let down and become hypersensitive like I would have if I had a full orgasm, so even if the semen released, it seemed to "go back" (I'm sure that's not a correct assumption - but it felt like that after a moment), and I could pick up and continue.

It wasn't PE in my case - I was just very inexperienced and excited. It's something the partners have to work together on. In my case, after a while like this, I began to be able to hold out longer.

Now, we can go however long we want to. I don't orgasm until she signals me she's ready, and I'll then have to build to it. Granted, part of that happened with age, but holding it like I described is what we used to do to learn to last longer.

sandc · 04-13-2012, 04:41 PM

I say you take the 10 seconds you need. If she gets combative or complains, pin her arms down and kiss her hard. Then continue. Tell her this is your new Alpha Male thing.

Posse · 04-18-2012, 09:25 AM

Have you tried regular (as in often) masturbation without lubricants to desensitize your penis?

Frequent masturbation can cause the opposite problem for people of difficulty reaching orgasm, because the penile nervous system has become accustomed to greater stimulation from the increased friction.

Maybe you can find the happy medium.

/Joking/ Unlike meds, on the plus side to my suggestion, there aren't any side effects, plus it is probably one of the most enjoyable therapies you could ever engage in...

t_hopper_2012 · 04-21-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keeper63

I think the bigger issue is lack of communication and your wife's seeming unwillingness to compromise. It sounds to me like she is unwilling to adjust/adapt at all, and she is using this issue to create excuses to mitigate her own issues. I would find a marriage counselor who also has credentials as a sex therapist, and do that first.

I totally concur. For some reason, your wife is not meeting you half way on this (not even 1/100 of the way!). Based on other comments you made (her anger when you compliment or mention her increased bustline, etc), it seems like there are a lot of underlying issues and that she's using the sexual situation to execute some sort of power play. If you can't break through the communication issues on your own, then you should definitely head to a counselor.

TRy · 04-21-2012, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinobi

In our earlier years I was able to get round the issue by changing positions and essentially using the stop start technique, and since it worked without a hitch, it was never even needed to be spoken about. Fast forward to now and its a huge problem, you see my wife is no longer willing to partake in anything other than intercourse until orgasm, no foreplay, no changing position, no toys, oral or anything else, she just wants to go from a relative standing start to the big o without stopping, no given 20 to 30 seconds in I am done, however a quick stop of a few seconds at that point, which can be as little time to pull her t shirt off and Im good for 10+ mins.

The issue is not with you. The issue is with your wife. She is being unreasonable. Sex is suppose to be a two way street with both parties working with each other to insure both parties enjoy it. Your wife is not working with you but is instead demanding something that she knows that you cannot do. For some reason she wants you to fail at sex. To solve this problem you need to find out why she wants you to fail.

Cosmos · 05-31-2012, 07:50 AM

I would suggest a good sex therapist, if you haven't tried one already. I don't think your wife's attitude towards the problem is helping things, and perhaps it would be an idea for her to hear this from a professional. She needs to help the situation, not exacerbate it. The more nervous you are about the problem, the worse it's going to be.

Good luck.

nader · 05-31-2012, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diwali123

I'm not trying to be harsh but she sounds like she's being a b@tch on purpose.
She sounds like she's angry at you and she's punishing you.
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Agree... that sounds pretty awful. If she can't even have the patience work with you and do the exercises, etc that's just wrong. It should be an enjoyable process, like a game even. She should be grateful that you are even trying... there are plenty of husbands that would just get it done and then roll over and fall asleep.

I've had more issues with delayed than with PE and I'd much prefer to have the PE. My wife is very gracious and for that I'm grateful.

One thing that's helped me.. if I finish too soon my wife likes to play with my half-erection... sometimes I can get back to thrusting if I really try. I've gotten her to orgasm lots of times this way. But that is not 'hard and fast' like your wife wants. It's lazy and playful interspersed with bursts of hard and fast.

She needs to figure out how to relax and enjoy the journey.

WillK · 05-31-2012, 09:23 AM

Where did I read this, I don't remember, but a book was suggested: "Lasting Longer: The Treatment Program for Premature Ejaculation" I just started reading it, it's on kindle from Amazon for $9.59.

Mr B · 06-02-2012, 09:15 PM

Of all the male sexual dysfunctions PE is the easiest to fix. Just get a prescription for a low dose SSRI antidepressant like Paxil. It's side effect is to numb the ejaculatory reflex. Using it off label to treat PE is very common.

Martin12 · 07-18-2012, 08:21 AM

There was a fictional character in a novel I read, I think it was Rabbit in John Updike's novels, who would think of baseball to delay himself.

WillK · 07-18-2012, 03:19 PM

Only minimally effective and it carries the risk of loss of erection.

There was also Austin Powers. "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold rainy day!"