Deejo

Interesting ...

Ex used to do the same thing. Basically she would declare she was 'in the mood' specifically at tmes when she knew I was not available.

You need to start 'forgetting' things that are important to her. I'm going to presume that you know I'm not talking about tit for tat, but more along the lines of lowering the thermostat.

The other thing that you simply cannot do ... is pout. Just don't. Then you look like a kid that didn't get what they wanted. It makes you look weak, unattractive, and reinforces her belief that you are only interested in sex. Believe me, I know how difficult that can be when your wife tells you she wants you ... and when you show up, she claims she 'forgot'.

__________________
"I figured out they were serious eventually but was thinking it was ridiculous. I wanted to kick them in the balls." - Trenton

Nsweet

You're reading too much into the whole text issue. First off, people often stop responding as a way to control the conversation (often unknowingly) and keep the sender entised. She didn't mean anything by it, women are notorious for doing this because men chase... Though there are situations where it isn't always possible and people do forget sometimes.

You also got what is all to familiarly known as a "blur" where she forgot about the seduction from before. Again don't take it personally... That conversation you had died after you both stopped texting and your "wtf?!" response seemed out of place. You have to let those kind of things slide and seduce her all over again. Being married you should know you might not always get sex when you were promised, but those kind words and the clean house she comes home to will no go unappreciated later on.

Instead of allowing your emotions to get you needy or resentful around her just act like it's no big deal. If she wants to curl up on the couch then offer to get her something to show you care then give her the space she needs while you do your own thing. What, you going to fein interest in a movie that's half way through in hopes that she will validate your action? I bet there were dishes just begging to be washed and three or four things on her "honey do" list you haven't done. Just don't make it appearant that you're doing them to please her.

If you're having this much trouble then check out some of the dating books. You can download a ton of them from thepiratebay or isohunt for free. You can get just about all the same knowledge from a handful of them but go ahead and get "the mystery method" or "magic bullets". Either one will work to explain a few things and how if you're going to have sex with your wife you have to first attract her, then comfort her, then seduce her. There's a lot more to it than that ad you'll have to be more confident but an afternoon of reading will really set you straight.

7737

Nsweet - 'offer to get her something to show I care'...??? Yeah right! How about HER doing something for ME occasionally to show that SHE cares?
Why continue depositing money into your account if you dont get any interest in return?

Deejo - I think I might just start having memory lapses....

DTO

I really don't get why people assume that men have little rights regarding their children's lives. You are married to their mother and a daily part of their lives. It's easy to argue that removing you from their lives is not in their best interest.

She simply cannot just uproot them and move without your consent. She would have to have permission from a judge to take them out of the state, much less out of the country. It's likely she would have to stay in town and make a new separate life for herself that allows you regular time with your kids.

I'm not saying that divorce is appropriate at this stage. But, rather than assume the "doom and gloom" scenario you should contact a good attorney and see exactly what your rights are.

7737

DTO - we are expats living and working in Africa, but we are from Europe. You can have joint custody...the children cannot spend 6 months here and 6 months in Europe.
It is quite possible (probably) that a judge would give my wife custody but me unrestricted access. They wouldn't be made 'wards of court'..... Our eldest son starts 'secondary' school in Europe in September anyway...

FormerNiceGuy

Dude, you are getting bad advice. This has nothing to do with "doing more things for her". The more you do, the less you'll get. You are her BETA roommate. You still have a little sex appeal, so she plays a bit, but this is going the wrong direction fast. Go buy Married Man Sex Life - like now and read it.

You can send Athol a thank you when your wife turns into a sexual dynamo.

Also, read No More Mr. Nice Guy. You are building resentments and this is a death sentence for your marriage. Your text exchange is whiny. I would be turned off. Where is the aggressive, sexy, funny man that wooed this woman however many years ago? He didn't show up for that text exchange and the movie was just a satisfying.

Wife: "I have a 2 pm gyno appointment"
You: "Cool, I'll be home at 3:30 with my white lab coat to make sure she did a good job. Dress appropriately and wait on the couch. Text me when you leave the appointment."

Enchantment

You seem to have the typical responsive desire wife - and the typical male desire to have that responsive desire wife spontaneously combust. But, that's like looking at wood in the fireplace and expecting it to light and catch afire on its own. How often does that happen?

She RESPONDS to YOU. If you give her nothing to respond to, then you won't get much.

If you don't want to take responsibility for the outcome that you really desire, that's fine. Just accept the consequences of it.

But give her something to respond to - give her something to excite her - give her a man who has himself together - who is confident, self-assured, inspiring - someone who is a leader - and see what kind of response you can get.

She needs you to lead her in this area right now - cuz if you can lead her out of this wilderness, she could learn from you how to stoke the fires and keep them going too.

But she needs your help to do it ... or you can wait around and see if she has an epiphany someday ... or she lets her fire be stoked somewhere else.

Lead the charge, man! You should have taken a couple of hours off work and followed right up with what you desired. You showed her that you were all hot air and no fire, just as much as you believe that's what she did.

Best wishes.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

7737

FNG - might try that. next time I know she is home alone....txt; 'U at home'
'Yup'
'Ok, see you in the bedroom naked in 5 mins....'

I know what her response will be....but I hope I'm wrong...so very wrong!

Browncoat

I'm in the same situation, I get it. I get rejected... a LOT and it hurts, a LOT (not every time, but more often than not). There's also the cumulative hurt that comes from repeated rejection. I get it. It completely sucks.

I have 4 kids, and yeah sometimes I play the thoughts of maybe I should have jumped off this ship before I had kids. That line of thinking just leaves me down and really isn't productive. It's hard, and I struggle with it at times but I just keep reminding myself it's just not worth going there. I'm in the situation I'm in, and I'm not leaving my kids... so I'm just going to have to make things work. End of story.

I know for my wife, years ago she just didn't understand at all how important sex was to me until she read some books on the subject to understand how men feel/think about sex. Before then we were a sexless marriage. For the first 10 or 12 years of our marriage I'd say on average we had sex 2-10 times a year (it was *really* hard for me).

Since reading those books, we've come to an agreement that she's open making out 2-3 times a week. Most of the time that results in sex, because as she describes it to me "I'm able to pull it out of her". Meaning that she wasn't interested in sex at all at the start, but while we make out I'm able to get her into the mood most of the time (again only try 2-3 times a week). I have to be very patient and not try and rush or pressure her into sex.

It's made a big difference in our relationship... not that we are close to where I'd like to be, but it's a ton better than before.

Mistys dad

Me 'Absolutely...I love you and I want to make love to you more than maybe once a month'

Her ' well come home now then!'

ME 'I wish I could...am about to go into a meeting and when the gynae looks up you she won't want to see a load of 'me' up there!'

Answer:

"You know what, call and cancel your appointment."

"I just told the meeting I had a family crisis and I had to go"

"I am 5 minutes away, start without me, and I'll be ripping my tie off as I come up the stairs....."


She issued you a challenge and you let it drop. Work was more important to you, than she was. Next time get home and act like you own it.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

Halien

Could you explain why the sex would have to follow the pattern you describe? Why would she have to come to bed later and fondle your balls? What I'm getting at is if you got home and immediately made your move with 100% confidence, and an attitude that tells her that both of you are lucky that this is happening, would she have kicked you in the groin? Maybe she would stop you and tell you that she is just not in the mood, despite the flirting texts earlier?

As I said in the earlier reply, there are plenty of posts that suggest that the wife is low drive. Others say that she never initiates. Years of pity sex. I've rarely seen a post that also talks about exactly how that refusal to respond takes place, though.

People say that those of us who are alpha types have little compassion for the feelings of our wife, but that is really not the case. We just approach sex very openly. Every relationship before that was like this. Relationship dynamics are very important, so sex is approached from a position of confidence.

Enchantment

It can make a HUGE difference when you have two WILLING participants and they make an effort to try and understand each other.

It's wonderful your wife took the time to try and understand about you and your sexuality. Now YOU take the time to learn about hers - hers is different than yours - not worse, just different. You are spontaneous, she is responsive.

Do You Understand Female Sexual Desire? | Psychology Today

Nothing wrong with either one of you ... but you both have to LEARN how to make it work together. So glad to see that you two are working on that.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Mistys dad

This is a true statement.

The compassion and passion is that you love her, ravage her, make her feel like she is desired in an over the top way.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

Halien

It can't be assumed that this dynamic simply 'exists', where intimacy is taken as a given in the relationship. In fact, it can only be assumed that it will not exist until one or more of the two bring this dynamic into every single sexual experience. If you approach sex like a negotiation, SOMEONE will start bundling resentment into to it. Instead, if you approach it like a basic human need, with full confidence in your ability to meet her needs, then the regular refusal is a very clear statement of how she views the marriage.

7737

Enchantment - exactly. It takes TWO to tango. She said that we both needed to make the effort.

The meeting I was on my way to way with a major hotel...if we get their business it will be a big thing for us as I have been trying to get a foot in the door for months. Simply cancelling my meeting to go home for a bonk would have been irresponsible and a very bad business move.
And seriously, having sex an hour before visiting a gynae that would involve an 'internal' examination...????

My wife really showed some willing, it encouraged me and made me feel good...it was a small glimmer of hope....that was then dashed by her simply 'forgetting'.

Or maybe she was being far more devious....??? Asking me to come home for sex at a time she knew I couldn't....then conveniently 'forgetting' to text me at a time when I could and would have gone home....

She has NEVER given me oral....what next? 'Hey honey, whats the weather like in Cape Town?....What are you doing?...Ah...I'm feeling really horny at the moment..I really want you...so much so that I would even give you that BJ you've always dreamed of....'

Pity I'm 6 hours flying time away. Next time I 'moan'...'But I offered! Your fault you were 6 hours away'...

She's not stupid!