Originally Posted by Frustrated Man View Post
A little background before I rant. Have been married over 30 years now. And we have never had a very good sex life. I do not want to cheat on my wife.( I admit to thinking about it a lot these days) I do not want a divorce.
I am in very good physical condition. Workout a lot and it shows.
I am willing to do or try anything that would stimulate my wife. And she knows this.
BUT............ wife refuses to have any physical relationship with me. I know she has a low sex drive. And I can understand her not WANTING to have sex. But, darnit, I don't like washing dishes. But they have to be washed. And I wash them and don't complain.
Thought I was going to "get lucky" tonight. Not.
It has been several months.
Feel like crying, kicking a wall down, hollering and pulling my hair out, all at the same time!!!!!!!!!
First, may I just applaud you for not taking any action yet, and really truly laying your feelings out on the table.
I was in a sexless relatonship for a year or so, so I cant even imagine 30 years of sporadic (and at times dissatisfying) sexual contact.
Im not a professional (just yet) but what I will say is that typically there are some underlying reasons that may be the cause of her disinterest in sex. My husband and I are reading the newest book by Harriet Lerner, and in it she speaks about "foreplay" being different for a woman, than it is a man, helping around the house, and with the children and every day duties can lighten the load on your spouse and give her more time to be sexy, and intimacy focused.
Before you race to the finish line, try just holding her if she will allow that, and then maybe a week later a backrub, and the week after that maybe a ful body massage. Yes I know that it will be torture for you, but it will certainly make her take notice, and see that something in you has changed.
Often times it takes both partners making improvements within themselves to create what it is that they are seeking.
30 years means children, and a home and careers, and plenty of responsibilities and stressors of life.
Just ask yourself if it's worth the work.
Good luck to you