Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-02-2012, 04:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

Hey guys..
i'm kinda new to this forum, stumbled across it while tryin to search answers for my queries on the web. read a few posts and thought maybe wat i need is some advice from all you out there.
it maybe a little lenghty but please bear wit me..

lemme brief you about my story..
i'm a gal, just married 3 months ago to the person who seemed to be just right in every aspect. well... we knew each other since childhood, not like the bestest buddies but ya kinda good friends.
i've been in a couple of relationships before and so has he, but wen we were single again durin the same period of time, we thought after all these years of knowin eachother maybe we should give a chance for a relationship to develop between us.. so we dated eachother exclusively for like 6 months and the time we spent was amazing, he proposed marriage, i was more than glad, so we jumped into wedlock with happy acceptance from our families.
weddin was beautiful. so was sex during the first month. but as days passed sex was reduced to not more than twice a week. wenever he asked for sex i've always given it and loved it. off late, it's always me who initiates it and get rejected for most of the times, him sayin he's tired or lets keep it for some other day or he simply walks out of the room..
i've tried all i could to get him in the mood but i fail. wen he agrees, its more like a task for him. i love him a lot and i've tried talkin to him but he says everything is fine. so now i've also given up tryin to lure him, just to see him happy.
its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. it hurts wen so short time into marriage and such a condition to face with no idea wats wrong
we both have good jobs and everythin in life is going great except SEX [

Last edited by Nadine; 04-02-2012 at 04:16 AM.
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Old 04-02-2012, 06:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

May be there is something very tiny as a problem what he dislikes in your way or in your body. If you get him to be 100% honest with you, you can fix it and everything will be okay.
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Old 04-02-2012, 07:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

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Hey guys..
its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. it hurts wen so short time into marriage and such a condition to face with no idea wats wrong
we both have good jobs and everythin in life is going great except SEX [
Are you saying that he's masturbating and using porn while depriving you? If so that has to stop, it's not healthy, loving or right to deprive your partner for porn.

You may want him to have his testosterone levels checked out by a doctor. It's possible that in all the excitement of dating and early marriage that he was riding a sort of high, and now that you've started settling into a life together something's manifesting that wasn't apparent before.
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Old 04-02-2012, 08:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

You may want to speak to him about how you feel. I find that this is the best way to start. Its possible that he doesnt know that he is hurting your feelings by not having sex. With that being said, I would go a step further, and explain to him what you need in terms of intimacy and sex.
Have you tried any of this yet?
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Old 04-02-2012, 11:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

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You may want to speak to him about how you feel. I find that this is the best way to start. Its possible that he doesnt know that he is hurting your feelings by not having sex. With that being said, I would go a step further, and explain to him what you need in terms of intimacy and sex.
Have you tried any of this yet?
have tried talkin it out with him and guess wat he has to say? "why are you so obsessed with sex? am i not keepin you happy in other aspects or am i givin you any kinda trouble? wen everythin else is fine why are you only bothered about this"

his reasons for not gettin cosy with me range from being tired, bored and even to the extent of being hungry so lets keep it for another day..
i've been sweet to him while talkin about this and there's no other issue troubling him. i dunno wat to do next or just play along like he wants it to be until probably some day he'l realize
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Old 04-03-2012, 12:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

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its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. [
Sounds like a porn addiction if he won't have real sex but masturbates to porn.
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Old 04-03-2012, 12:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

Are you guys using sex as a substitute for communication? If so, it's time for a complete 180 and no pressure about sex. He may have a lower sex drive or be overwhelmed with stress/depression now that the relationship has taken this next step and you both have more struggles.

It's far more likely that he was experiencing this before you tied the knot and you're just seeing both sides of him. I know I was the exact same way in the Navy coming home to my W from an exhausting 12hr day. I just wanted to get a bite to eat, ejaculate, and go to bed for the process to start all over again the next day.

A few things I can advise you... Most important LEAVE HIM ALONE. When he comes home from work he isn't going to be as excited as you are, especially when he's taken a beating from his superiors for something stupid they delegated down the chain. The healthiest thing would be to give him a hug or say helo and allow him around an hour after he takes his shoes off to deal with his stress and come back to loving at home hubby.

This would be the perfect time for him to workout or get all the guy hobbies you can't stand out of the way. Things like a quick game on Xbox or a DVR show you can't stand where he can work out his aggression and get happy. I do not reccomend masturbation at this time. It may releave some stress but the testosterone lost could kill his motivation for the rest of the night. I speak from experience here, unless he wants to play with it and put it up before he releases it's not healthy for your sex lives. And if it's a problem you'll need to seek help for porn addiction before you emotionally check out.

You'll want to talk to him and tell him you'll give him the time he needs to cool off when he comes home, but after that you want to spend time together doing something fun. I can't tell you how many of my husband friends complain about not having this time to themselves. You can win him over by having something ready for him to eat or even re-heated left-overs a couple night a week. The most important thing is you both have your hobbies apart from work/house wife. It always seems that couples fight more at the 12hr mark of being together. So go read a book for an hour, do a workout dvd, or talk to your girlfriends about the things your men do that tick you off and work through things.

Just pull back for a while and see if his attitude changes. He won't tell you how insecure he feels at work because he doesn't want you to lose any respect for him. And if you pester him he will just shut down or get defensive, but if you let him come to you and keep a happy attitude he will let his guard down and let you in. From that point you keep him faithfully yours by just showing you still appreciate him when he's upset, depresed, hairy, impotent, gross, or a jerk. It's up to you to be his something special to come home too and not another argument he drags his feet to greet at the door.

Good luck hon
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Old 04-05-2012, 02:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

Nadine, I feel your pain!

I have to say it really pis*ses me off when I hear this from a woman. Where were these women when I was younger and single?

I've never rebuffed an advance from my wife except one time when I was super pis*sed at her (it also helps that she intiates about once every year or 2!)
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Old 04-05-2012, 02:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

Was there ever any real passion?
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The tides are turning....
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks Nsweet for caring to write such a detailed reply.. your advice is appreciated.
no issues at work for him, no worries about money as we both come from well to do families and earn quite well at our jobs too; like i've said before life seems perfect for us in every aspect except this issue. he just has to put in 6hrs of work for 5 days a week and doesn't carry any work home. i too work just about the same number of hours. its me who cooks at home and takes care of everythin about the house. all i ask for is love in return. and all he does is spend time in front of the computer or the tv, sleepin or hang out wit friends.
i don mean to brag about myself but i do look pretty attractive going by the number of admirers i've turned down over all these years. H himself has told me he had a longtime major crush on me wen we were in our teens but never dared to approach me, then and life moved on until i was back in his life. me and H are both in mid twenties, supposed to be so totally in love, so wats keepin him away from me???
i've rarely ever argued with him on any matter and never been rude even wen he keeps away. i've pulled back on everything related to sex with him but keepin the love and caring going on.. the latest update in our relationship is that he doesnt care to kiss or hug me wen about in the house or wen we wake up in the mornin nor wen we part for work and is always findin excuses to avoid me wen i try to. maybe he's just plain bored of me.

i want our relationship to work because i really really love him. i'm willing to just wait, to give him all the time he needs to want me the same way that i want him.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

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Nadine, I feel your pain!

I have to say it really pis*ses me off when I hear this from a woman. Where were these women when I was younger and single?

I've never rebuffed an advance from my wife except one time when I was super pis*sed at her (it also helps that she intiates about once every year or 2!)



there exist men who have similar problem and there are women as well facin the same but probably the ways of nature dont let them happen to bump into eachother
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

I think the problem began with marriage. Marriage and sex are kinda like oil and water. It tends to lack priority and gets pushed to the back of the line by things like bills, work, stress, being nagged, etc..
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:36 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Was there ever any real passion?


did seem like there existed a fire of passion between us until the marriage turned a month old
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:41 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I think the problem began with marriage. Marriage and sex are kinda like oil and water. It tends to lack priority and gets pushed to the back of the line by things like bills, work, stress, being nagged, etc..


losing priority occurs so soon into marriage? never thought so. especially so wen i've said that we dont need to worry about work or finance in any way atleast probably for the rest of our lives.
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:21 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks

Maybe he is just bored?
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