Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, thank God it was in the early stages- about 2yrs. ago. He only had to under go radiation treatment, but then they started giving him a shot every 3 months to kill the testosterone. Well needless to say we've been in a sexless relationship for nearly 2yrs. I'm 48 & he's 63. I've discovered through this experience that SEX is a BIG part of the relationship. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. Just cuddling, snuggling & touching can be very satisfying. But we no longer even have that. I can't initate any more. I'm tapped out in that area. But now I'm peaking sexually again. I'm literally flipping out. I need sex bad, i'm so preoccupied with the thought of it I feel NUTS. I feel like my husband & I have become "roommates". I love him too much to even think about divorcing him. I guess this is his "sickness & in health "time. When I was down he lifted me up. But i'm so thirsty uugghhhhh. Can anyone identify with me?- I need some feedback, Thanks
Have you looked into boosting "free testosterone" Its a way of his body using more of what little testosterone he has. Talk to your doctor. There are several herbs that are used for this. Also stinging nettle and saw palmetto can help with prostate issues. Have you doc help you with those too.
My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, thank God it was in the early stages- about 2yrs. ago. He only had to under go radiation treatment, but then they started giving him a shot every 3 months to kill the testosterone. Well needless to say we've been in a sexless relationship for nearly 2yrs. I'm 48 & he's 63. I've discovered through this experience that SEX is a BIG part of the relationship. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. Just cuddling, snuggling & touching can be very satisfying. But we no longer even have that. I can't initate any more. I'm tapped out in that area. But now I'm peaking sexually again. I'm literally flipping out. I need sex bad, i'm so preoccupied with the thought of it I feel NUTS. I feel like my husband & I have become "roommates". I love him too much to even think about divorcing him. I guess this is his "sickness & in health "time. When I was down he lifted me up. But i'm so thirsty uugghhhhh. Can anyone identify with me?- I need some feedback, Thanks
I am truly sorry for your situation and your husband's illness. I have a close relative who is a prostate cancer survivor, having some of the common complications. While by no means an expert, I did substantial research after my relative's diagnosis.
My concern here is that you might not be aware of how serious your husband's condition is. Your husband, at 61, was young-ish to have developed this cancer IIRC; this disease tends to be more aggressive in younger patients.
More importantly, I did not see any mention of a prostatectomy in your post. My recollection is the standard treatment for early stage cancer is removal of the gland. Surgery is not performed when the cancer has spread or when prevented by illness.
So, the bottom line is that this truly is a situation of physical inability to have intercourse (due to the hormone therapy at least); in this your situation is different from most of the others here on TAM. It's possible that there are other side effects to the disease or treatment such as low energy level.
I would encourage you to know precisely where your husband is in the disease process and what to expect in the future. You should also know what treatments he is receiving and the side effects of those treatments. I think the best source of information is your husband's doctors (I'm guessing an oncologist and maybe a urologist). You could also go onto the NCI website and read through the material there.
As far as the sex goes, the best thing I can suggest is to explore non-intercourse sexual activity. Find ways of making oral or manual stimulation pleasurable for both of you if they are not currently. Experimenting with sex toys may help as well. If you have hang-ups against non-intercourse sexual activity, now is the time to lose them.
Choc,
Sorry to see you here with this problem. I also got PC in my 60's
and had a robotic RP removal last year. Libido issues will be worse
with the radiation and hormone therapies. Hopefully his PSA is
stable after the nadir. An excellent book is by
John Mulhall, ISBN 978-0980064964, Saving your sex life after
prostate cancer. Also good is Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education & Support Network, look for the wiki and
mail list for PCAI (Prostate cancer and Intimacy). Did the urologist
disclose up front that the incontinence and impotence issues would be? Do they have penile rehab and councelling afterward? If not you
might want to get a different therapist. Depression often goes with this diagnosis, and that is a libido killer too.
Best wishes, and do join the PCAI mail group. it helps.
not to sound harsh, but women has many more issues than men, that we have to deal with. Added up, we bleed for 4 years of our life.
Perhaps, but the point here is that prostate cancer, even when successfully treated, leaves men with side effects that seriously impact one's quality of life.
I may be ignorant, but I'm not aware of many very common women's diseases that leave them unable to perform sexually or even remain continent.
If you dont think it will happen to you, they say every main will develop prostate health if he lives long enought. Do it for you women or child or just so you can play golf longer. Do something. Its important.
I have absolutely no symptoms! I am 67 years old and my doctor always ordered an annual PSA. This year it showed up elevated for the first time. A subsequent biopsy revealed a Gleason 9 tumor confined to the prostate gland. I had a bone scan which showed no evidence of spreading, so apparently it was caught early. I was then placed on Lupron injections which dropped my PSA from 6.5 to 0.4. Next week I start on radiation therapy with the very latest equipment which uses photon radiation rather than x-ray and it has an extremely accurate aiming system. I can't remember what the equipment is called, but it is the very latest-and expensive, I'm told. I am a strong supporter of PSA screening because I believe with the aggressiveness of my cancer I would not have had any symptoms until it had already spread.
Sex and needing intimate contact with your husband when he can't sucks. No doubt about that. I suggest you have a frank discussion with him about your needs.
My husband had a back injury a couple of years ago that made it too painful for him to have sex. I had to figure out other ways to take care of our need for physical intimacy (and I am not just talking about sex) and how to make sure I was still satisfied without going nuts (I'm 34).
Issues with his heath snowballed for a while, but I was determined to make sure both us still had our needs and desires met for however long I had to be solely responsible for it. Things like vibrators and other marital aids helped get me through patches when the husband wasn't able to have sex, but you MUST make sure you maintain some kind of physical intimacy with him if at all possible. If he wants to participate in what you're doing to satisfy yourself and it's medically alright for him to do so, let him.
A big reason sex is so important is there is as much need for physical intimacy as there is for emotional.
Talk to him. Talk to him with his doctor is you need to do so. There are many, many ways to bring what you need back into the marriage provided he is healthy enough to do it and both of you are willing to do things in unconventional ways.
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prostate cancer 
Re: prostate cancer 
