His_Pixie

Hubby and I (ages 55 and 53, respectively) had a very adventurous sex life before we got married. I won't get into details but we had some specific activities we engaged in and that I thought were all part-and-parcel of our relationship. Since we got married six months ago, we've engaged in our "special play" maybe twice. I'm disappointed and frustrated and he gets defensive if I bring it up.

I understand that our "play" requires more energy and involvement than vanilla sex but heck. It's been MONTHS. I'm disappointed. I love the man like crazy but I feel a bit betrayed here.

Not sure what I want from y'all. Just needed to vent a bit I guess.

Dollystanford

yeah mine got all vanilla once we got married too, like he didn't have to try any more!

His_Pixie

Somehow I thought it would be different this time around. Maybe it IS me. Sigh.

that_girl

Maybe your husband thinks wives don't do those things? Maybe he was doing them beause you like them and now he thinks he won't lose you?

Seems odd. nothing changed in our sex life. Thankfully.

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okeydokie

its called complacency. i have experienced it with my wife too, although she is the complacent one

Browncoat

Maybe tell him you'd like to have a special "go all out" night... say on Sunday night maybe. That way he can rest up and be ready to have some fun with you.

Good Dog

For us it stayed the same after marriage. If anything she's gotten more experimental as she's felt more secure. I think you can turn this around if you keep connecting in other ways too.

sandc

Depends on the type of play you are referring to. If its swinging maybe he's feeling a little more territorial now that you are married? What type of play are you talking about?

__________________
From the desk of The Wrathful Lieutenant Vernon Thunderskull

Thinking of having an affair? Please think again.

hookares

If you want answers, you need to talk to him. Otherwise, you'll have to be more specific if any of the guys on this board can help.

His_Pixie

Definitely not swinging! We're light BDSM, nothing too harsh. But I think it takes a lot of effort on his part and now that we're all "said and done," it's just too much work. I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets defensive. Plus, from previous bad experience, I do NOT want to have to ASK for it. I don't want it if he doesn't want it....although I want it, lol. Make any sense?!

pjuk

makes perfect sense.
what would happen if you didn't ask at all, but just initiated?

lovinmyhubby223

Has he given you any idea as to why he’s reluctant to “play” now that you’re married?

I understand your plight. I read it here in posts all the time, the ol’ bait and switch. And no, it’s not fair for someone to do something before marriage but not after. It’s like false advertising.

Find a way to let him know that your “play” times are something you not only enjoy but really want to continue. If he has issues try to compromise and do whatever he needs to make this an activity that you can both enjoy again.

Goldmember357

i think it gets better maybe i have not been married long enough but i am far more experienced than ever before and more comfortable as is the lady.

DonnvWarner

yeah mine got all vanilla once we got married too

Aristotle

If you want "special play" let him know, you want it. Do not keep it to yourself and hold inside to build resentment or doubt yourself. Communicate and make it clear what you need from him, otherwise you just absolutely will not be satisfied. If he still acts stubborn and ignores your needs, you know where he stands for the rest of your relationship. His needs, not yours.