Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
About two and a half months ago or so I was transferred to the night shift at my workplace. I work in a factory working 12.5 hour shifts. I have a rotating schedule which is 2 on 2 off 3 on 2 off 2 on 3 off and it just keeps that pattern. Anyway, since going to this shift my wife and I have had sex maybe 5 times. Before this change we had sex at least 2-3 times a week and that has been the normal for the last 5-6 years. Working this shift is affecting more than just our sex life but we'll focus on this for now. I am always exhausted physically and mentally. My wife has never been one to initiate sex and so this just adds to the recipe for disaster. I am at a total loss for what to do. I think the only answer is to leave this job. I've not worked here for very long (10 months) and I hate to leave a perfectly fine job but there is no chance of going back to day shift here. My wife is not currently working so this makes it all the more difficult. I guess I am just wanting to know if anyone else has had to deal with this and if so how did you fix it? For now I will just have to live without it. The odd part is I honestly don't even have the desire for sex anymore. When I do get the urge or desire the time is never right for her. She is usually too asleep in the morning when I get home and is too busy cooking dinner or doing stuff with our son when I get up before work. Needless to say i'm miserable with this new shift at work and how it has affected my home life. Any help or insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Some people simply have no business working nights. And we are wired for sleeping at night. Besides the sexual problems, I would venture to say that your blood pressure is up. This is VERY common among night/shift workers.
We all have to earn a living. No doubt. But, if you are having problems working nights, might be time to start looking for something else. I know you need a job, but if the job is ruining your life, well it is not worth it. Does not help that good paying jobs are scarce right now.
In the meantime, visit your family doctor. Maybe time to get a script for for one of the ED pills. They do help a lot of people. Do a google search on working nights and sleeping days. Lot of things you can do that will help you sleep during day. And getting enough sleep is very important, not only to your sexual health, but to your general health.
I agree with the above posters about looking for a job and keeping the current one (let's face it... the job market sucks atm) and that if it is having adverse effects on your health you might not be cut out for night-shifts.
A suggestion about the sex life thing though- M worked nights for a while and since I was not working I adjusted my sleep schedule according to his. If you guys are maintaining different sleep schedules then that right there would be part of the problem. If she isn't working, why isn't she making an effort to alter her schedule so she can spend time with you? That right there could make a huge difference in the amount of stress you feel about your job and how tired you feel.
Sounds like while you keep this job you two are just going to have to schedule sex in, and both of you are going to have to do your best to be as rested/excited for it as possible.
We have a saying in our house: "When in doubt, smile". Meaning, even if life sucks, try to find all the joy you can in it. A good disposition goes a long way towards dealing with an otherwise sucktastic situation.
Me and my SO are going through the same exact thing almost. Except, he's working the night shift not me. I don't work either, like your wife. I ALWAYS want sex but he's always too tired or timings never right for me. (We have a 7 month old baby) We have been just kind of grinning and bearing it. I know, I hate it too! But with the situation the way it is, he needs a job in this economy, and definitely needs one because I don't work. I'm a stay at home mom. But anyways, in my situation, we found times during the day when the baby was sleeping to have sex.
However, as far as your job, as with my SO. He's keeping this job in hopes of getting a better shift, but is also keeping his eyes open on any better jobs out there. I know it's frustrating, very much. Another thing is to talk to your wife, tell her and discuss the very things you told us. Throwing it out there, that you have a problem with the way things are, sometimes helps. That way, both of you kind of accept things the way they are for now, and try to better it little by little. Thats all i know to say, because as i said above, I'm having this same issue.
**I've also rearranged my schedule a little alot of nights/days of the week, to coordinate with his. But if you have a child in school and she's having to take him/her to school, that changes things. Its hard for her to rearrange then. But idk how old your child is.**
MSE12 - I used to work shifts that included nights. As we get older our bodies are less able to adapt to the constant changes.
As Michzz said, look for a new job.
I don't know where you are, but certainly in Europe employers have a 'duty of care' to their employees. If the shift pattern your employer has put you on is having an adverse effect on your family/married life then they are legally bound to help you.
That might mean you working 7 nights, 5 days off, 7 days, 4 days off etc.
Working more days in a row gives your body longer to get acclimatize... at the moment your body doesnt know whether its coming or going...and you certainly aren't 'coming' ;-)
Well I believe that I will be finding a new job asap. I agree about the shape of the current economy. I will just have to try to find another job while dealing with this shift for now. As for some of the suggestions. My son is only 4, he is an early bird. He wakes up daily between 6 and 7. My wife then tries to stay up late so we can talk on my lunch break so she is running off weird hours as well. She has started taking naps in the afternoons because she is tired from staying up. Our schedules are both messed up. I agree about my body doesn't know if it's coming or going. Also I live in Tennessee (US) so unfortunately our employers here could care less about you home life as long as you make the company money. Thank you all for your insight. Hopefully I will have luck finding a new job. Until then we'll do our best with what we get time wise.