Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
He says they "went for" his fantasy, but he doesn't actually say what his was. When I first read it I thought he meant that the fantasy they went for was the MFF 3 way but perhaps the fantasy they went for was something different. Maybe she thinks fulfilling his fantasy for anal is equivalent to her fantasy for a MMF 3 way. If that's the case then it's even more reason to turn her down. I mean if my wife lets me tie her up one night as my fantasy, that doesn't mean that she gets to do another man to be even....it does mean that she gets to tie me up the next night if she wants.
He says they "went for" his fantasy, but he doesn't actually say what his was. When I first read it I thought he meant that the fantasy they went for was the MFF 3 way but perhaps the fantasy they went for was something different. Maybe she thinks fulfilling his fantasy for anal is equivalent to her fantasy for a MMF 3 way. If that's the case then it's even more reason to turn her down. I mean if my wife lets me tie her up one night as my fantasy, that doesn't mean that she gets to do another man to be even....it does mean that she gets to tie me up the next night if she wants.
True but if he did do the MFF he`s on a pretty slippery slope with his refusal to reciprocate.
He still shouldn`t reciprocate but it would be a serious case of "Careful what you wish for"
So it was ok with you to bring another woman into your marriage. But you cannot handle another man?
The way you feel about this is probably the way your wife felt when she save into being there while you did another woman. So now she wants her payback. That's probably what is going on with her. She's hurt beyond belief and now wants to hurt you back. Makes sense with what she's suggesting.
You opened pandora's box. How are you going to get the demons back in the box now?
Your only choice here is to tell her that the threesome with aonther woman was a huge mistake and you will not support her being with another man.
Your marriage might very well be over no matter what you do now because either way your wife is upset and will take a long time to get over what has gone down. She might never get over it.
I agree with this, once you open up your marriage to either sex, it's very difficult to put an end to, almost always someone doesn't want to stop.
and btw, she isn't listening to you, you told her no....duh.
Geez! What is it with men wanting their wives to sleep with other men and wives WANTING to sleep with other men and the husbands to be cool with it on these boards lately!
Okay...here we go...
You let this happen and you can kiss your marriage goodbye. You will resent her and you will have your heart ripped in two. You will never look at your wife the same way again. That Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston girl that you have will turn into someone you won't even want to look at anymore because it will be too painful.
I would see a lawyer and have him draw up divorce papers and have them on standby. I would confront her and tell her that you are not happy with this and you don't want it to happen. If she starts arguing with you, drop the papers on her and tell her that if screwing someone else is THAT important to her then she can sign these and get the hell out. Then she free to sleep with whom ever she wants. Time to play hardball. Time to let her know that you are serious and you are not going to stand for this. If your thinking that this is extreme, then wait till she sleeps with the guy..... The moment the two of you become three, the marriage is over.
And do you see that her fantasy is evolving into something completely different? First it was MMF. She wanted you with someone else to you not being there entirely! If she breaks down and says "Okay, you win. I won't do it." I wouldn't even trust that! She wants to do this sooo bad, that she's going to do it whether you like it or not....OR what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I guarantee you she's willing to cheat on you to make this happen. She would RATHER have your blessing so she can ease any guilt she would have about it. " You can't get mad!!! You said you were on board with this!! Sorry if I tore out your soul, but if you felt THAT BAD about it YOU should have told me NO!" Thus, making it entirely YOUR FAULT in her mind.
Crossbar is right. Your fantasy at least involved being with her. For hers you are nothing more than a hindrance and now she actually wants you to take the kids say so she can cheat in private.
That's not a fantasy, that is you being a good cuckold and minding the kids hike a bull has her in your bed.
If you let her do that she will forever see you as a pathetic weak cuckold who let her do it.
How about proposing that she watch the kids while you go to vegas with two 19 year old strippers? Posted via Mobile Device
Threesomes are what people do with their boyfriends or girlfriends. NOT with their husband or wife. Once you tie the knot, then intimate contact should just be between the two of you.
(maybe my old fashioned views were what turned my ex into a cheater?)
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Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Never did a the threesome thing, never told her about it. I mean, to tell her I fancy the neighbor? How stupid do I look?
Don't wanna open here my fantasy, it is a private thing. Nothing radical. It was mostly about me and my pleasure and it turned out to be a real downer. Wife didn't like it (but she went for it) and eventually I didn't to.
As for the good people asking me to divorce. You dont throw 17 yrs + 3 kids and lots of love on a single crisis. You pull through somehow. I'll convince her to postpone or maybe threat I'll sleep with other women dont know. I'll suggest another fantasy. Hope she grows out of it.
Threatening to sleep with other women could back fire... suppose she said ok?
The best way to handle this would be to be honest. If you ask her to just put it off for now you set her up to continue to push for it. Just tell her that you do not agree to being others into your marriage. That it's adultery and you don't want any part of it and will not accept it if she goes outside the marriage.
Never did a the threesome thing, never told her about it. I mean, to tell her I fancy the neighbor? How stupid do I look?
Don't wanna open here my fantasy, it is a private thing. Nothing radical. It was mostly about me and my pleasure and it turned out to be a real downer. Wife didn't like it (but she went for it) and eventually I didn't to.
As for the good people asking me to divorce. You dont throw 17 yrs + 3 kids and lots of love on a single crisis. You pull through somehow. I'll convince her to postpone or maybe threat I'll sleep with other women dont know. I'll suggest another fantasy. Hope she grows out of it.
You really think that postponing is going to make you look attractive to her? You just can't say no? if you postpone do you think she could just decide to do it on her own? She wants to be with other men. Hope is not a plan. I would think threatening to sleep with other women would also just encourage her to follow through.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Postponing just makes it so that you'll likely just have to deal with the issue again. Deal with it now imo. Ask her to fulfill a different fantasy, tell her that other people are out of bounds.
Do you think that in extending herself for your pleasure and doing something she did not like changed her perception of your sexual relationship?
Perhaps she thought that in extending herself to please you obligated you to do the same. I think that you may want to rethink this spicing things up.
You may be f@cking and not making love. F@cking is ok if your intimacy is mostly loving and intimate. Using each other to derive pleasure when it requires one person doing something they don't like, is not intimate in my opinion.
I would say you should shut this down firmly. She may feel that she did your fantasy and you should do yours, but you can just say no. Hers is too risky.
You can discuss the fantasy that she did for you and if you feel inclined, tell her that you made an honest error in having her do something she did not want to do.
But you have decided that you don't want to make a second much bigger mistake.
It is outrageous that she wants to introduce the real possibility of STD and endanger herself by having sex with a man she dose not know and cannot trust.
Suppose he hurts her? Suppose he try's to do something she does not like? Suppose he gets off using her and then leaves.
It is ridiculous to allow her to put herself in that position. I think it is crazy - maybe she is having a mental breakdown? Thats how crazy this sounds.
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Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I don’t. 
