Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.
Hello from far away land. Itís started a few months back when we talked about fantasies. Actually I initiated it cause of a goddamn article I read about relationship and being open minded. Anyway we went for my fantasy, no biggi (turned out it was far better in my head than it was in practice), so we marked it off. When we talked about it my wife said her biggest fantasy was a threesome Ė lucky me? Ė not really. She said it was me and another guy. I thought this is cool with me cause a fantasy I kept to myself was her, me and our neighbor (a divorced hottie with a dynamite figure). So If I dream of being in the sack with 2 females, I guess itís ok for a woman to have the opposite fantasy. Who am I to judge?
Well after we did my fantasy she said when are we going to try hers. I thought she was kidding and we laughed about it. But then sometimes later she brought it up again. It was actually fun to talk about it and it turned me on. Had a great sex after it. But then about a week later she brought it up again and I asked her if she was serious. She said she thinks she want to try it for real, with me or just with a stranger. Turns out it wasnít the threesome thing that turned her on, but her willingness to try other men.
I was totally shocked and told her there was no way in hell another man is gonna touch her if he cares for his life. I figured that was that but it wasnít. She kept bringing it up. We had a big fight over it. She said I was primitive about the whole thing, which I am, so what. Some guys are just jealous. Weíve been seventeen years together + 3 kids. I love her more than I did when we started, I swear to god. When we dated I thought she had an awesome body (she actually modeled, like most of the girls in her family Ė good genes) but there was something I didnít like about her face. Now when I look at her (after 17 yrs and 3 kids and 10+ pounds) I think sheís Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston combined. Trouble is Iím no Brad Pitt. What if this guy is better than me? What if she falls for that guy? Not entirely science fiction scenario. I told her, go ahead if you want to ruin our marriage. She said, what if she goes for a professional escort service? There will be no strings attached, and sheíll just have her fantasy so we can mark that one off. I said Iíll think about it cause I wanted her off my back. So she asked me again few weeks later and I said Iím still thinking about it. To make a long story short I said yes in the end, I donít want you to do it behind my back. Didnít think sheíll follow through. She did. She arranged Iíll take the kids camping on weekend and she invited a guy she found on the internet, a professional. She told me heís doing both men and women so heís probably gay and I donít have to fear for my masculinity. Itís been a roller coaster for me since then. I said Iíll follow through, but now I donít want to. My wife is gonna be really upset and weíre gonna have like the mother of all fights. I saw the guyís pic in the escort site, looks like he spends all his days either in the gym or getting a tan. I canít compete with that, gay or not gay. On the other hand, maybe Iím being an idiot about the whole thing. After all itís just sex and better than if sheíll go through behind my back. I really donít know. I have no one to turn to Ė this is too shameful to discuss with anyone I know. An anonymous board on the web sounds like an option. Maybe you guys in the free progressive big world out there know how to cope with this?