Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-10-2012, 04:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

Hello from far away land. Itís started a few months back when we talked about fantasies. Actually I initiated it cause of a goddamn article I read about relationship and being open minded. Anyway we went for my fantasy, no biggi (turned out it was far better in my head than it was in practice), so we marked it off. When we talked about it my wife said her biggest fantasy was a threesome Ė lucky me? Ė not really. She said it was me and another guy. I thought this is cool with me cause a fantasy I kept to myself was her, me and our neighbor (a divorced hottie with a dynamite figure). So If I dream of being in the sack with 2 females, I guess itís ok for a woman to have the opposite fantasy. Who am I to judge?
Well after we did my fantasy she said when are we going to try hers. I thought she was kidding and we laughed about it. But then sometimes later she brought it up again. It was actually fun to talk about it and it turned me on. Had a great sex after it. But then about a week later she brought it up again and I asked her if she was serious. She said she thinks she want to try it for real, with me or just with a stranger. Turns out it wasnít the threesome thing that turned her on, but her willingness to try other men.
I was totally shocked and told her there was no way in hell another man is gonna touch her if he cares for his life. I figured that was that but it wasnít. She kept bringing it up. We had a big fight over it. She said I was primitive about the whole thing, which I am, so what. Some guys are just jealous. Weíve been seventeen years together + 3 kids. I love her more than I did when we started, I swear to god. When we dated I thought she had an awesome body (she actually modeled, like most of the girls in her family Ė good genes) but there was something I didnít like about her face. Now when I look at her (after 17 yrs and 3 kids and 10+ pounds) I think sheís Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston combined. Trouble is Iím no Brad Pitt. What if this guy is better than me? What if she falls for that guy? Not entirely science fiction scenario. I told her, go ahead if you want to ruin our marriage. She said, what if she goes for a professional escort service? There will be no strings attached, and sheíll just have her fantasy so we can mark that one off. I said Iíll think about it cause I wanted her off my back. So she asked me again few weeks later and I said Iím still thinking about it. To make a long story short I said yes in the end, I donít want you to do it behind my back. Didnít think sheíll follow through. She did. She arranged Iíll take the kids camping on weekend and she invited a guy she found on the internet, a professional. She told me heís doing both men and women so heís probably gay and I donít have to fear for my masculinity. Itís been a roller coaster for me since then. I said Iíll follow through, but now I donít want to. My wife is gonna be really upset and weíre gonna have like the mother of all fights. I saw the guyís pic in the escort site, looks like he spends all his days either in the gym or getting a tan. I canít compete with that, gay or not gay. On the other hand, maybe Iím being an idiot about the whole thing. After all itís just sex and better than if sheíll go through behind my back. I really donít know. I have no one to turn to Ė this is too shameful to discuss with anyone I know. An anonymous board on the web sounds like an option. Maybe you guys in the free progressive big world out there know how to cope with this?
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

First off STDs are a serious issue. How do you know for a fact that this man won't give you both HIV or something else? Seriously, this is dangerous stuff and condom's aren't 100% effective.

Secondly, while we don't know what fantasy you did with her I presume it didn't involve other people. Sorry but this is unacceptable especially if you aren't on board with it. She wants you to bless her being unfaithful, random guy or no.

Some lines between fantasy and reality shouldn't be crossed, and everything you said this isn't one. This will cause problems for your marriage for years and endless fights (you're fighting about it now and no one has done a thing).

Tell her you aren't on board and you won't stand for it. Tell her that she can pick another fantasy, but not one with another person.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

Stop going along with it if you're not ok with it. You're just making things worse. If you can't deal with it, be honest.

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Old 04-10-2012, 05:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

Oh man, you fell for the free 3some game and now she wants hers. Remind me never to do that. I predict that this is the beginning of the end. Once she's had another man's c*ck in her she'll never look at you the same. I guess to make the best of the situation if I was in your shoes I'd make sure of 2 things....1 is that you're there and present for the whole thing (enforcing things like condoms, no kissing etc and making sure that it's clear that you're the alpha male in the bedroom). And 2, I'd make sure that it's a one time thing. Then you're even and it never ever happens again.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I would also insist 100% that you pick the guy. Again, that's only if you absolutely can't man up and put the brakes on the whole thing.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

You are gonna take the kids camping so she can cheat on you at home in your bed and you are gonnapay for it?

Seriously.

And if she likes it, will you keep taking care of the kids so she can have her lovers come over?

She gave you what a threesome? And now she wants you condone her bring alone for sex with some stud?

Seriously, time to file for D so she can be free to do this all the time.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Oh man, you fell for the free 3some game and now she wants hers. Remind me never to do that. I predict that this is the beginning of the end. Once she's had another man's c*ck in her she'll never look at you the same. I guess to make the best of the situation if I was in your shoes I'd make sure of 2 things....1 is that you're there and present for the whole thing (enforcing things like condoms, no kissing etc and making sure that it's clear that you're the alpha male in the bedroom). And 2, I'd make sure that it's a one time thing. Then you're even and it never ever happens again.
Man, that's like won the nobel prize for bad advice.
Seriously dude? Being in the same room where another guy boinks your wife?
I see two options of how it ends:
1. My di** falls off and then I dont care who she sleeps with.
2. I bury the guy in the backyard.
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
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First off STDs are a serious issue. How do you know for a fact that this man won't give you both HIV or something else? Seriously, this is dangerous stuff and condom's aren't 100% effective.

Secondly, while we don't know what fantasy you did with her I presume it didn't involve other people. Sorry but this is unacceptable especially if you aren't on board with it. She wants you to bless her being unfaithful, random guy or no.

Some lines between fantasy and reality shouldn't be crossed, and everything you said this isn't one. This will cause problems for your marriage for years and endless fights (you're fighting about it now and no one has done a thing).

Tell her you aren't on board and you won't stand for it. Tell her that she can pick another fantasy, but not one with another person.
Good advice.
I forgot all about STD and condoms. Havnt been using those for like million years.
It's good to know I'm not the last person in the world who thinks this is totally wrong. Not because I believe in the sacred marriage and all that, because as a guy I dont want anyone else to touch my wife.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Um, that wasn't my advice and you know it. My advice is to man up and say no. All you read was my fall back advice for making the best of a bad situation. I would never advise you to be a cuckhold as the first preference, that choice is on you for not being able to say no.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

Friend,

Tell her once and for all, if she goes through with this you are divorcing. If she brings it up again you are divorcing. Tell her there are two in a marriage and if there are three, even for a minute, the marriage is over. If I were you I would start watching her very intently because now that she has it in her head she will probably go behind your back and try to follow through with it at some point.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:30 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

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Good advice.
I forgot all about STD and condoms. Havnt been using those for like million years.
It's good to know I'm not the last person in the world who thinks this is totally wrong. Not because I believe in the sacred marriage and all that, because as a guy I dont want anyone else to touch my wife.
By the way if he is bi and doing males and females he is much more likely to have come in contact with STD's and HIV! If there is no point of return you should at least find someone that has been monogamous for a long period of time and will get tested for STD's and HIV. Finding a married heterosexual male that is D and D free should be a breeze.
If not, you are playing with fire.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

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Man, that's like won the nobel prize for bad advice.
Seriously dude? Being in the same room where another guy boinks your wife?
I see two options of how it ends:
1. My di** falls off and then I dont care who she sleeps with.
2. I bury the guy in the backyard.
So it was ok with you to bring another woman into your marriage. But you cannot handle another man?

The way you feel about this is probably the way your wife felt when she save into being there while you did another woman. So now she wants her payback. That's probably what is going on with her. She's hurt beyond belief and now wants to hurt you back. Makes sense with what she's suggesting.

You opened pandora's box. How are you going to get the demons back in the box now?

Your only choice here is to tell her that the threesome with aonther woman was a huge mistake and you will not support her being with another man.

Your marriage might very well be over no matter what you do now because either way your wife is upset and will take a long time to get over what has gone down. She might never get over it.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Not to be argumentative Ele, but I'm not convinced that his executed fantasy was a 3 way with a female. If you read it closely it sounds like he didn't say what it was.

He did say later on though that he had a fantasy (possibly another fantasy) about a 3 way with a neighboring female. I think though he was pointing that out as part of his own original thought process in agreeing to the 3 way in the first place.

So just so we are clear was the fantasy of yours that you did live out a 3 way with a female?

Even if yes, while on some level it maybe fair to even out the score... two wrongs don't always make a right.
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Old 04-10-2012, 08:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants to open our marriage but I donít.

I thought he had a fantasy of a 3 way with another woman but it was just a fantasy. Then his wife talked about her fantasy of a 3 way with another man. But then she pushed to make it happen and he foolishly agreed. I was led to believe that nothing has happened yet.
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