Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I married by best friend at 21 and we've been married 7 years. Growing up together i always found her to be very attractive, but by the time we got married she had gained quite a bit of weight. She had started working out before the wedding to "look good" and i thought she would keep it up. In 7 years she has gained an additional 50 pounds.
We married as virgins and had never seen eachother naked. I wasnt sexually attracted on our wedding night and havent really been ever since.
This has recently become a big issue since my poor wife has had to beg me to make love to her for a number of years now, so i finally came out with the honest truth last week.
This wasn't the first conversation we've had about her weight being a problem with my attraction to her, but lets just say the last talk didn't go well and this time things are critical.
She's alway struggled with her weight and doesn't want to "do it for me"...
neither one of us are the "cheating type" and neither of us have been unfaithful...but it's getting tougher because now i know she'll never feel comfortable getting intimate knowing i dont find her body desirable. Personally i can probably get by on masturbation...but she's at a sexual peak and wants intimacy...
my question is where can we go from here? I love my wife to death and cant imagine life without her, since we've been best friends since age 12. Can a marriage succeed solely on friendship?
If both parties are ok without having sex or if one or both is ok with their partner getting sex outside the marriage then it can "succeed" if you define marriage success as "staying together and not divorcing".
If you define marriage success as open communication, trust, mutual respect, honesty and understanding I doubt most intact marriages even come close to qualifying.
I've said the same thing to wives who refuse their husbands. It's not fair or morally right for you to force your wife to be celibate. IMO, if you can't step up you should divorce so she has a chance to find someone who will treat her right.
My wife and I haven't had sex or made love in about 3 months for various reasons, and in our marriage we have both put on about 25-30 pounds as well as have gotten older(we're both in our 40's now)and I think both of those are playing a factor as well.
No, it can't. And it's not right that you expect it to. If you love her, you'll end the marriage and allow her to find a man that does desire her. Sex is too big a thing for one person to make the decision about it.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"Itís not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I appreciate everyone's feedback. It's hard talking about this without sounding like a complete A-hole. My wife is beautiful. it's that naked, she doesn't arouse me. her weight keeps her from doing much in bed besides "laying there" and having me do all the work. why am i the unloving one?
I wish i was the "hero" who didnt let it phase him and just desired his wife no matter what, but what can i do about my attraction? i see her naked and she reminds me of my mother (who is also heavy)...i feel like i'm having sex with my mom.
She's a human being and she deserves to experience sexual fulfillment in marriage the way she was designed and the way her Creator intended. It's also what you promised and what He expects of you. If the sight of her doesn't just naturally blow your skirt up, dim the lights, maybe take a little drink, and dive on it for God and country.