Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavash.
I love your posts. I know you are LD but you grasp the importance of sex in a marriage. This woman does not. Not even close. And she isn't listening to anyone here. She still stands firm to her notion that HE should just want it less. So do I feel more sorry for him? Yes.
If she said once a week I'd have a different answer but once a MONTH. Seriously? That's sexless no matter how you sugarcoat it.
She is doing it 20Xs/mth with him!!!!! Did you miss that????? Sheesh
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay
Yep and the advise o her is to suck it up and do your wifely duties..... Maybe also throw in some BJ's when he waggles is d#$k in our direction too.......
It seems very obvious she need to see and talk to an expert about this (sex therapist or counselor) to get to the core about these feelings.
Very few suggested that. All the suggestions was that this is her problem and to read this book or that and get herself in the mood and 4X's/wk is perfectly normal (OP claims he wants it more then that too)....
I actually agreed with you that she AND her husband should see a professional. But she does have to tell him there is a problem first. My main concern was that she can get aroused but finds it annoying and she says she wishes her husband wouldn't want her as much as he does. The first statement makes me think she needs to work out some attitudes/feelings about sex. And no I don't think anything is inherently wrong with her. Its just the way she seems to view arousal is concerning. The second statement certainly sounds to me like resentment and if it continues to build there will be huge problems in their marriage.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
I must say I have gotten some good ideas from all the response.
I have decided to bring this whole issue up with my husband (he is on a long travel now, but when he gets back). I will try to be delicate, though, as all this time I've not told him how I really feel because I'm afraid of hurting him.
I'm sure my great husband will understand me and we will reach a compromise. I am crazy about him... I know what sex means to him, and I want to make him happy by all means. But I know he can't be happy if I'm not happy, and if having sex too often makes me unhappy, he will not do that. And no I don't expect to have sex only once a month - I said COMPROMISE! Come on, we love each other!
I very well understand the point of view of many that it is surely ME who has to go to the therapy (I don't mean that my H should go, he's normal. I am too, even though I want less sex than SOME people). Should I see a professional? Hmm... If we really can't reach a compromise ourselves.
Listen, I don't think my drive is SO abnormal. Isn't it obvious that many people on this very thread have wives with similar drives? Accept it or not, but this happens.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay
She is doing it 20Xs/mth with him!!!!! Did you miss that????? Sheesh
Actually, she says "3-5 times a week", plus there's likely a week of "no-go" with that time of the month. That's more like (average of 4 times per week * 3 weeks) = 12 times a month...
And most people aren't up in arms about that frequency. Heck, many of us would have loved that frequency in our relationships. It's the unilateral cutting back to what she wants, which is once a month. As an FYI, I was ok with once a week in my marriage, manually supplemented. When it started slipping to once a month or less, that was one of a number of dealbreakers. Of course, I was 43 at the time... Not sure how I would have responded at once a week at 20 something.
In regard to comparing a marriage to a job, it's called an analogy. Useful for trying to convey a point when having a discussion. I could compare it to a car, or a horse, or anything else. It doesn't mean I think it's a car, a horse, or a job. Just that there's some particular similarities I'm trying to get across.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marieJa
I must say I have gotten some good ideas from all the response.
I have decided to bring this whole issue up with my husband (he is on a long travel now, but when he gets back). I will try to be delicate, though, as all this time I've not told him how I really feel because I'm afraid of hurting him.
I'm sure my great husband will understand me and we will reach a compromise. I am crazy about him... I know what sex means to him, and I want to make him happy by all means. But I know he can't be happy if I'm not happy, and if having sex too often makes me unhappy, he will not do that. And no I don't expect to have sex only once a month - I said COMPROMISE! Come on, we love each other!
I very well understand the point of view of many that it is surely ME who has to go to the therapy (I don't mean that my H should go, he's normal. I am too, even though I want less sex than SOME people). Should I see a professional? Hmm... If we really can't reach a compromise ourselves.
Listen, I don't think my drive is SO abnormal. Isn't it obvious that many people on this very thread have wives with similar drives? Accept it or not, but this happens.
Sounds like you have a good plan, MarieJa. Good luck!
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
To be clear, NOT appreciating him in the way that I will just give it to him as many times as his sex drive needs... In the sense that he is much more thoughtful and heartful than many guys here.
To be clear, NOT appreciating him in the way that I will just give it to him as many times as his sex drive needs... In the sense that he is much more thoughtful and heartful than many guys here.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marieJa
To be clear, NOT appreciating him in the way that I will just give it to him as many times as his sex drive needs... In the sense that he is much more thoughtful and heartful than many guys here.
333Likes
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often? 
